Something Beautiful

Woe is me

Bitter with self-pity

Who will love me but me

Or the God who I trust

He will set me free

From this bondage of sin

The darkness within

No, He will not let it win

He is just beginning

He will mend my broken wing

And fix me right up again

Using my brokenness into something

Something beautiful

Something hopeful

Something true 

Something new

Someone who would say

I love you.

Too Late

Oh boy, you have no clue

What have you have done

Or when is your cue

Poor boy, you missed your chance

You let love fly by

Without a glance

Too late, boy, don’t chase her

You made her cry

She has found another

It’s too late to try. 

Mercies in Disguise

 

The first time I heard the song “Blessings” by Laura Story, I was brought to tears. I knew then that this would be the song that I would like to be played in my funeral. After all, Funerals are not for the living. I want the people I love and the people who loved me to be comforted by this song and through God’s message.

If you have not heard of this song, listen to it and be blessed.

http://youtu.be/1CSVqHcdhXQ

Here’s the lyrics:

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/laurastory/blessings.html

 

The phrase that I really like in the song is… “Mercies in Disguise.” Last Sunday, a pastor reminded us what’s the difference between mercy and grace. Grace is a gift. It is something we do not deserve, something that is given freely. Mercy is when you do something wrong and you deserve punishment but you do not get it or you are pardoned. Grace is when we did not do anything but we still receive something.

What I liked about that phrase is that it reminded me how God loves us… that most of the time, we sin greatly, intentional or unintentionally, we sin. We think that a trial or discipline is God punishing us but what we do not know is that we deserve severe and gruesome punishments for what we’ve done. We cry out to Him thinking that the trials that we experience are His punishments, we think that it is so much that we cannot bear it but little do we know, we deserve more. We had it easy.

I had it easy. And in the face of trial, I crumbled. I said things I was not supposed to say, things I said out of spite and bitterness. I lost my focus in the face of adversity and I am ashamed for not trusting in the Lord. I have forgotten how He loves. I have forgotten that His mercies are new every morning. I became a Pharisee. I became righteous and God broke me. I was stubborn and I was so quick to judge people that I have forgotten to look into my heart. I do not deserve any of this, I deserve to die but God… His unfailing love… chose to save me.

God gave me hope.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

God has ways of comforting us and He gives it in perfect timing. There will be countless of trials and there is not s doubt that we will fail Him again. It’s in our nature. We might beat our chest and be ashamed to face Him. Know this, dear reader…

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.

- Lamentations 3:22-27

 

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him… I prayed for a small group… He answered me with time. I pray that the Lord would help me utilize the time He has given me with wisdom. I thank the Lord for my mother, for understanding my heart that even though my decision would affect our expenses and my dream… she still encouraged me, she said to not lose hope and to always pray to our God in Jesus' Christ’s name. She said that trials may come but the Lord would never leave us, just keep on holding and not to let go of His grip.

I have friends and family that God uses to comfort me, what more can I ask for? Most of all, I have a God who is greater than anything in this world, a God whose love is indescribable, a God whose power is unfathomable, a God who never tires of loving me…

What more can I ask for?

Groovy and Music

It's already half of May and I haven't written a single thing for May. This blog is in need of more dedication and revamping.

A friend of mine told me that she noticed a certain similarity to the music that I listen to. My friend was right, the songs I like/love usually have nice bass lines. I remember calling them "heartbeats." I like how they make you nod or make your heart go thumpity thump thump! The way the bassline filled the low parts and made the songs groovier excited me.

Among my favourite bass lines is The White Stripe's Seven Nation Army. The intro is just deliciously wicked! Speaking of "intro," I love The XX's Intro... I love everything in their self titled album.

Before you assume that I'm a music expert, I should clarify that I am no music geek nor a music fanatic, I am nowhere near music obsession to be called a fanatic, but I would like to have those labels... someday. Alas, I am a mere music enthusiast. I LOVE music and I dislike silence. I function well when I listen to music and I would like to know more about music.

But if plugging your earphones when you're in the train or you couldn't last a day without listening to music, to any kind of music, an obsession, then whoop-dee-doo, I'm a music fanatic!

The last three paragraphs doesn't make sense, so I'm just going to stop typing, before I add more nonsensical sentences. By the way, I'm listening to The XX while I write this. Their music is just too good for my writing, my ear and my brain is too busy focusing on their grooviness.

Ciao.

Little things

I am a romantic, a sucker for happy endings and grand gestures. But even though I am sentimental, I adore details. I believe in the saying "it's the thought that counts." At the end of the day, the little things would count. At the end of the day, the reason behind the gesture would count. Never do anything without meaning or it would be a waste of your time. Life has a reason. Find it.

What Remains.

If the sun does not rise
Would I still speak of Your glory?
If the stars cease to shine
Would I still recognize Your grace?
If the mountains fall
Would I still feel Your power?
If the rivers go dry
Would I still know of Your love?

When all things cease to be
and they will be
You will remain
You are the Alpha and Omega
You will forever reign

When the people screams of despair
You will make yourself known
Even without Your works
Only You can inspire the hearts of these people
Only Your majesty will bring wonder
Only Your love will make them believe
That You are the God of forever.



This poem is inspired the song "One Thing Remains" sung by Kristian Stanfill.

Guiding Light

It has been ages since I posted a poem in this blog, hence, I'm posting one now.

Guiding Light

Your light it will never waver
It never fail to let us remember
Of Your love, Your grace
Of Your faithfulness
Of Your mercies that are new
Every morning

The light You gave us
Continue to struggle its way out
Into the dark and damp world
This light wiggles its way out
This light cannot be contained
For it glows like the sun
The heat is searing
Our hearts burning
Passionate and resonating
The symphony that the Light brings
Is never ending.

The warm blaze inside is coming out.
This guiding light
It burns bright
This star.

Rules For Borrowing My Books

I was supposed to write something more substantial than the rules for my books but my Dory-like memory has forgotten what I should be writing, so I give you the rules when borrowing my books.

Rule #1. Read them. 

I don’t care how long it takes for you to read my book as long as you read it. If it takes you years, I don’t mind, just read it and finish it. Period.

Rule #2. Do not write on them.

Any highlighting or writing on the pages is forbidden. Please, write on a blank sheet of paper and not on my books. They are meant for reading not scribbling nor writing. I, the owner, am the only one entitled to highlight or scribble something on my book, because it’s mine. However, if you could not help writing on it… I am RELUCTANTLY allowing you to use a pencil.

Rule #3. Dog ears and bookmarks are allowed.

I would prefer dog ears than vandalism on books. Dog ears are perfectly understandable because I do them often when I don’t have my bookmarks.

Rule #4. Return them in good condition.

I know that we have different reading styles, positions, or manner of reading and I don’t mind how you read my books as long as you are comfortable with it. I know that sometimes we have little accidents when the book is with us like a few drops of coffee on some pages, a tear or crumple on a page because you slept on it, or you spilt coffee/tea on it. For me, it doesn’t matter, it shows that the book has lived among us. What matters to me is that the book should still be able to tell its story. As long as the book is still readable and the pages are still intact, I consider them in good condition. If you ruin or lost one of my books, be ready to supply a replacement. Thank you!

With that said, I hope you enjoy reading whatever book you have borrowed. Enjoy their stories for I had a grand time with them.

If I looked into the Mirror of Erised…

… I would see my biological father.

Maybe I would see what Harry saw when he looked at the Mirror of Erised… his whole family. All of them and not a broken one.

 

----

 

I promised that I would blog more often and I haven’t, so I would try fulfilling it again by starting small. One post a day even if my entry is short. Let’s see what happens.

A broken heart

 

A broken spirit and a contrite heart
You will not despise,
You will not despise
You desire truth in the inward parts
A broken spirit and a contrite heart
Lord, my heart is prone to wander
Prone to leave, the God I love
Here's my heart, Lord take and seal it
Seal it for,
Your courts above

This song has been sung for ages for it rang true of what God wanted us to offer Him. He does not delight in sacrifice nor take pleasure in burnt offerings. The best offering or sacrifice we can give Him is a broken spirit and a repenting heart.

He has told us about this before, in the times of Cain and Abel. God does not need you to bring glory to Him. He could do it by Himself. He could appoint other people to reveal Himself to others. He does not need your efforts. He does not need you either. Yet, He chose to reveal Himself to you in things you did not imagine, in vessels you did not expect. God wants your heart. A heart in line with His heart.

My prayer for this reflection…

¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
¹¹ Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Psalm 51: 10-12

http://youtu.be/DwudqCO7mSQ

Often times we have heard about God not changing the situation, because He changes the heart. I pray that God would move our hearts, like what He did with the Pharaoh in Moses’ time. I pray the God would move our hearts and change it to whatever He deem best. I pray that God would convict our hearts to be repentant, that we can come before Him with a pure heart and a willing spirit. I pray that He would continually reveal Himself to us, that our bond would be strengthen by these circumstances, and that I would not waver in trusting Him for He has not wavered in being faithful to me; He has never changed.

May His grace sustain us in the things we do for God. May the Holy Spirit continually convict us to focus our eyes on the true prize and guide us when we wander from His love.

May we find joy and peace in Christ.

2014 goals

 

My Friday Bible Study group and I watched Frozen earlier because of a persistent group member who recommended it. He got us intrigued so we watched it, which we did not regret because it was fascinating. The ending was foreseeable because it IS Disney therefore we expected a happy ending but what I did not expect was how love was depicted. I am glad that Frozen has a timely moral lesson, something I haven’t seen since Lilo and Stitch. It has reminded us that there is no “love at first sight,” that sometimes we think we think withdrawing from people would avoid hurting them but it does otherwise, that love comes in places we least expect it, and that love conquers all.

Frozen was more than a love story. It was more than love at first sight, more than finding your true love. It was about fixing lost relationships, about being indifferent. It was about family. No matter what happens, no matter who comes by, nothing can ever take the fact that you are bonded with your family.

Frozen made me realize what my goals would be next year, since this year I have accomplished, through God’s grace, my goals for the year 2013, which was getting a career and focusing on ministries. God has been generous with both. I have prayed for a career where I would grow and love what I do, so far, I am loving what I’m doing and enjoying the people God has introduced me in my work place. God has also allowed me to grow in my ministries especially in music department.

Hence, here are my goals for 2014:

• Relationships. Renewing relationship with current friends and family, hoping for a more Christ-inspired one. Severing ties with people who are distressing me and my relationship with God.
• Ministries. I want to grow more in the music ministry whether in my home church or in the fellowship at work. God has given me two hands, an ability to hear notes and read them, and an electric keyboard, so I pray that he would use me.
• Financial stability. I want to save money for my future.
• Small group. I have been praying for a small group but only after I’m financially stable, but if God wills it on 2014, why not?!

Last year, I have 2 goals, and now, it has doubled. May I be continually reminded of God’s grace and may God be glorified in my goals.

Quiet time

But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. - Matthew 6:6

For the duration of my Christian life, finding a quiet time has been a struggle. I would often plan a time but end up not using it. With God's grace, I am often reminded to communicate with Him even though it's just a spare time while riding the train home or while taking a bath, but in my heart, I know that was not enough. God is willing to spend every minute, every second of the day with Him and I'm here ignoring Him. 

When I started working for INP, my quiet time started to happen again. I'm glad because I've been praying for a stable one. I've missed talking to my Lord and Father in Heaven and it is such a joy to be learning and talking to Him again, and this time we're talking deeper. 

I've had my struggles this past weeks and I came close into becoming indifferent once again, but with God's grace, He has let me overcome it. I am not perfect but I have been striving to be more Christ-like in my daily walk. I just keep forgetting about God's grace, hence, my prayer is to be reminded daily of God's grace and mercy so that I would be encouraged to live all for His glory. 

Look at the stars

 

“Look at the stars, look how they shine for you, and everything you do, yeah, they were all yellow…”

In about 15-20 seconds I could walk from our gate to our house. In about 15-20 seconds I get to look up and see the stars.

I have a habit of looking at the sky when I walk home. I would often hope that I would see a cluster of stars shining down on me. Who could blame me? They’re fascinating. They live longer than humans and they glow. I don’t know. Every time I see them, I am oddly comforted. I feel relaxed. I just love looking at them. But I could only look at them from afar because we all know what would happen if you go near one. You would burn.

Nevertheless, I would never get tired of staring at the stars even just for a little while. They would enchant me forever.

Still waiting

 

The way God has comforted me this day has been humbling. My heart has been bothered by the “longing” of this heart.  I have been fazed for some time because my feelings were raging and signs were telling me that there might be a “possibility” for something “good” in my love life arena. But as usual, I was wrong. I was overly thinking and assuming, and it hurts.

I tried to restrain the feeling but as we all know it’s hard. It’s hard to focus on God when temptations come poking around. I know that compared to other people, this is a wee thing but for me, it’s a big deal because I have promised God that I would focus on His ministries and in my career, my love life should come after or after this year. My patience was tested but through God’s grace, I am slowly overcoming it.

I was so sad yesterday and I was so close on giving up with this “possibility.” I was decided in putting some distance with this “possibility” and I have decided on restraining myself from taking the initiative of communicating. This evening, as I browse through my Facebook, his name popped up and God did something through him that made me smile. For you guys, I know that it would seem to be of no importance but for me, it’s like God patting me on the back saying that it would be okay, that I have to trust Him in this one, that I don’t have to be disheartened, that I should always find joy in Him because He knows what is best for me. He has comforted me by reminding me that when I begin searching for Him and His Kingdom, I would find something more than I can imagine. His love has brought me to reality that I don’t need anyone to fill this loneliness aside from Him who is able to do immeasurable things.

If you are feeling alone at this moment, when you feel that gnawing ache of loneliness, SEEK GOD, because when you find Him and when you ask for Him to enter your life, your heart wouldn’t be only filled by His love, it would be overflowing. Talk to God. Pray.

Be strong and take heart

I feel sad.

Do you know that moment when God spoke to you through your friends? When the answer you have been praying was another "wait for it?" It's frustrating but at the same time, it's liberating because you finally have the answer, but it's not what you want. Even when the signs say that it's meant to be, but God answers you with a resounding... WAIT.

That's when you have to pray for strength so that you may take heart in waiting. It's easy to pray for strength and for the will of God in your life but it is hard to really mean it, because we know what we want and most of the times we want something that is not aligned with what God is giving you at the moment. It is hard to be courageous even when you're afraid of what God wants for you.

But I know that God is faithful, He will not let me be tempted beyond what i can bear... I just have to wait for Him, for His perfect timing. 

November 1

Holidays are best spent with family. Whatever things you do together, whether you  be silent together or laugh together, your presence with each other is what matters.

What happened on November 1...

We went to visit my grandmother in the cemetery in Heavenly Peace, Cavite. We ate lunch at Kenny Rogers' and had our picture taken by a crew in KR. Next, we went to my grandfather in the Chinese cemetery, had a long walk...

Seemed like the usual annual thing we have in the family. So I guess, nothing eventful aside from we dined together which was a rare thing since we had our jobs. Still, I thank God for these moments because these are the times when I am reminded that even though my family is not perfect, I should still be grateful because I have one.

Praise God for holidays! :D

Two Frantic Days

Have you ever felt like a day isn't enough for your work? You know that you have organized your to-do list but you still have this nagging feeling that you haven't done enough work? Have you ever had the feeling that you shouldn't be enjoying the holidays because you have work to do?

For the last two days, I have never felt more productive in my life. I have a couple of rushed works that, by God's grace, I have finished on time. I'm just amazed at how God works, on how He answers prayers no matter how big or small they are. For two days, I am amazed at how God has sustained me.

Now, I am anxious and I have job that is needed to be done but my head is aching so I'm going to sleep because we have to go to the cemetery tomorrow. I'm praying that God would help me learn this one in an easier way. hehe

And I'm still praying for patience, humility, and discipline.

-sigh-

Ciao

Plans for blog

I'm a forgetful person so I need to list this so that when I come browsing my blog I would see what I was planning.

Let's start with...

1. A section that I would label "the Pensieve" wherein I would put memories from the past or things that I want to remember in case I bump my head on a rock and lose my memory or something. 

2. Book reviews and movie reviews. This section has been long overdue. I have been planning it since mid year and still no updates about the books and movies I've read and seen. 

3. I need to update Doodle page. I think my entire blog needs updating but I keep forgetting. *cries*

4. Another section for a Bucket list or Things I want to do before I die. But I was thinking it would be sort of similar with my number one? no? 

5. Update my Fashion page and put in my "Ukay Finds." This idea has been incubating in my mind for quite some time now because I'm thinking of putting a section about my "Book-ay Finds" for books that I have purchased or found in book sales that is worth every cent, but I think I'm going to put that in the Book section, which is...

6. Another section just for Books...

Arrgggh! This list is getting longer as I type so I think I should stop here and try doing some of those updates.

Ciao. 

What do I have to learn?

 

What do I have to learn, O God, before I understand this pain that you have bestowed upon me? I have felt it a couple of times already and I feel like I haven’t fully understand what you want me to learn. Is this the time where you break me? Is this it, Father?

Oh Father God, when will I learn it? I am tired of feeling the same way. I’m tired of being so distracted and confused when I feel like I’m leaning towards you again. I miss you so much, Father God and I wish that I could be with you now, but I know that work must be done. Please, Father, let the Holy Spirit work in me, Father, that I would always remember your Words, your advices.

I would gladly pray for this burden to be lifted but Father if this is part of your awesome plan in my life… I would only pray for strength to endure it and to learn from it. I ask for nothing more than your Guidance, Father. You alone knows me and my heart. I pray that You would be my strength. It might not be clear today but I know You hold my life therefore I am at peace. I’m just confused Father. My emotions are reigning in me and it is difficult.

Thank you Father God for the books that you gave me to help me ease some of my confused thoughts and for giving me friends who I know were inspired by you to counsel me when I needed it. I am eternally grateful to You. I love you.

Wait for the Lord

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Psalm 24:14

I have never been more sure of what God wants me to focus on this year. I have been side tracked by potential romantic ventures but through God's guidance and a bucket full of prayers, God has reminded me to seek His kingdom first.

It is so hard to wait for it (that special someone) especially when you see so much potential in a prospect and when you see that his heart is with the Lord. God has counseled me and has been constantly reminding me that this is one of His lessons about patience and humility, because I have asked Him before about this and now He is slowly teaching me, and I am forever grateful.

Yesterday, I have been so confused because my feelings and my thoughts are not well with each other. I was scared and really bothered because I was really close to following my emotions once again. Yes, once again, because I have been in this place before and I was impatient, I saw an opportunity and I grabbed it without waiting for God's go signal. The result? My heart  was crushed.

These few weeks my heart has been bothered my emotions that I couldn't fully understand but through God's wisdom, through bible verses and books, God has reminded me to trust in Him and... to wait for Him, wait for His plan to unveil before my eyes and the only thing required for me to do is to continue searching for Him. My prospect might be a distraction today but who knows, God might be reserving him to be a blessing in my life. Whatever happens today, I plan to seek God first. I pray that He will guide me as I do so.

He has said it before...

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33 

I have never been more excited in knowing more about Christ and in following His footsteps, not because I long for that special someone, but because of His goodness, His love, I want to know more about those things, because I feel like I've only seen parts of it. It is intoxicating and I want to learn more about Him. My heart wants to see more of Him and the way He is working in people. I have been blessed by His grace and I want to pay it forward. I want to let the people know that this is the God worth following. This is the God worth loving. This is the God who will never leave you. This is the God who will allow you to be hurt because He loves you. This is the God who has suffered before you have suffered. This is the Almighty God who has designed you and has known you before you were born. This God gave His ONLY Son so that you can live today... so that you can live with Him forever in all the glorious makings of heaven.

"For God so love the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

It is hard, the work is hard, but I am sure that it would be worthwhile. He has given me glimpses of what could happen through testimonies and in my life, and I ask myself, why wouldn't I trust this awesome, infinitely gracious and astounding, magnificent God?