As promised from my last blog post and so that I won't forget 2022, here are the details of what happened.
January
Achi Cherry's death was something I dreaded. I was really happy that we video called a month before she passed. I can still remember the call we got on January 26... it was a call from Shobe and she was crying, she said, "Achi, wala na si mama." My heart stopped for a moment. Totoo ba yun? Parang panaginip lang. I was speechless, then tears started to flow. I went upstairs to tell Achi Sheila the news. It was the saddest day of my life. I was looking forward to go to Baguio or kapag lumuwas sila ng Manila and ipakikilala ko sana personally my bf that time. I was looking forward to their next visit in Manila... our next food trip. I was looking forward that she'll be there kapag kinasal ako, but yeah, I'm sure she'll be there in spirit. The sad part din is we never got to mourn properly because of covid restrictions. She was cremated and we were only there via video call.
There are a lot of things that I will going to miss. Kapag birthday ko, she will always ask me days before kung anong handa, then she'll greet me on the my birthday with so much enthusiasm na parang mas excited pa siya magbirthday kesa sa akin. I'll miss our chikka moments, yung mga kwento niya about mama and silang magkakapatid. Yung mga kwento niya about exes niya and the things that she learned in life. Nasa core memory ko din sknya is yung sinamahan niya ako sa hospital nung namimilipit na ako sa sakit ng tiyan kasi kakapuyat and kakape nung college. She had a big heart and she was one of the people na naamaze ako kung gaano kalaki din magmahal. I guess, she was trying to compensate din for her childhood, na she was adopted and she was appreciative of the minute love she was given, and she didn't want others to feel what she felt kaya she loved so deeply. Sobrang pasaway niya pero grabe din magcare. Naalala ko din dati nung hikahos pa kami sa mga budget namin, tapos kakastart ko lang magwork, minsan naguutangan kami. Tapos maski mas maliit sweldo niya sa akin at may binubuhay siyang anak, nakukuha parin niya magabot sa akin.
^ Wrote this last March 2023, but couldn't finish because it was still fresh and ended up crying.
So here's the continuation and writing this on Feb 25, 2024.
February 2022
The month when I started working for Price Slide and boy, was I excited with the potential of company and another source of income stream. This went on for a year and then my enthusiasm dwindled, but I pushed through until the end of 2022, the projects stopped coming and I had to look for another source of extra income. But I'll always be thankful for this one because it helped me buy my current laptop. In a way, I kinda leveraged it so that I can have other opportunities using my laptop. So yeah, great investment of time.
April 2022 - Elora and Mark's Wedding
A college barkada finally got married and it was nice to witness it with my college barkada as well. Nagovernight kami around that area. Had my cranky moments that probably the catalyst of a friendship ending. LOL!
Leni Campaign
Went campaigning door to door at some place ( I forgot where) with my bf back then (now my ex) with his college friends and people from Gawad Kalinga. It was a good experience and an eye opener. Also, went to the campaign rally in Macapagal and Makati. Looking back, I was glad to witness it but at the same time, I think it was a waste of time... no amount of rallying would convince brainwashed people with distorted truth.
May 2022 - La Union with Bf (ex now) and friends
Even though he's my ex now, this probably would still be in my core memory. I really enjoyed hanging with his friends and there was a moment when I took a photo of them playing board games at night and it felt serene and ung feeling of contentment to be with friends. They were great people but probably way out of my league.
June 2022 - Eryll & Adi Wedding
My ex was supposed to be with me on this day but couldn't join because he tested positive on an Antigen. I think it was a blessing in disguise, kasi at least he wouldn't be in the pictures. Hahaha! Jawn, Ken, & I stayed at Sofitel after the wedding and had breakfast at Spiral with the newlywed. I remembered rambling throughout the speech and crying because it dawned on me that Adi is going to be residing in Palawan and I will miss her so much kasi nga we were just neighbors lang. Again, I think din blessing in disguise ang pagdodoctor niya kasi napractice din kami with the frequency of going out because of her med duty. After a year and half, I think we got through it naman din because of messenger and out monthly video calls with our group. Napractice din talaga ung group namin with video calls nung pandemic. Another thing to be thankful for.
October 2022 - the break up
He broke up through Telegram chat, but had our "closure" a week after. I had questions lined up for our last meet up and I was really amazed at how "mature" I handled it. No drama like going after him or making escandalo, it was just two people mutually ending the relationship because one person called it quits or more like, one person fell out of love and had been in love with another. I really think that he wanted a different lifestyle and I could not keep up with the lifestyle that he wanted. He took the route of falling in love with another because I told him that "cheating" is a deal breaker. But these are just my assumptions, what's true is we broke up because we were not aligned anymore.
Sometimes I still wonder what he saw in me that made him fall in love with me before and was it really love or just an infatuation? Did he really fall in love with me or the potential of what I could be? I'll always wonder about this, but for now, it doesn't matter because we both have moved on and have accepted that we weren't meant to be. But I believe that we were meant to meet each other to give us lessons moving forward.
I'll always be grateful for the time that we shared, they will always be cherished moments. I pray that he's happy now and that he achieves all that he wants to be in this life. Even though it stings that I wasn't the one who is able to make him happy for a long time, I hope and pray that his current gf treats him the way he should be treated, with much love and care, as he did with me. I hope that in the future, if ever we meet accidentally or bumped into each other some place, we'd just talk like old friends. We had a year and 10 months and they were mostly good times, kaya I hope no hard feelings or guilty feelings if ever we meet each other in the future. I dearly wish na we'd be like platonic old friends catching up lang.
I'm also thankful for his friends who has been gracious with me lalo na when I have questions about him nung fresh pa ung break up. I was just trying to understand lang din where he's coming from, but I hope na may friend siyang blunt and would tell me straightforward kung bakit hindi nagwork out. They were just so polite and ang vague ng answers. Hahaha! Pero gets naman kasi hindi naman din kami super close and hindi naman din sila ung ex ko with the definite answers. I'm not sure if his friends muted me, but I'm glad at least hindi sila nagunfriend or unfollow. Hahaha!
Isa pa na super thankful is my relationship with his mom. She was my "almost mom in law" and it was one of the things that I looked forward to when we were together. I'm happy I bonded with her while my ex and I were together. She's so sweet din and would make kumusta and would send food and cakes. She even sent me a cake maski wala na kami ng ex ko. I guess we are both mature enough din na we don't want drama in our lives and we just want to love and care of the people that we bonded with. But she told me naman din na if my ex would tell her to cut me off, she will do it out of respect for the couple. I agreed naman din kasi I respect din naman the current gf (maski sometimes talaga irita ako sa name niya kapag nakikita ko. LOL!) Sad lang if that happens. I sincerely hope not.
Friends and Family to the rescue
During the first week after the break up, my high school barkada came to the rescue. I couldn't eat and sleep well. They sent food for 3 days and I lived off that. I remembered that the day after the break up, they fetched me at home and went to Jawn's condo para makakwento ako ng maayos and to cry it off. Jawn also helped me purchase melatonin gummies so that I can sleep properly. It worked naman kasi I slept for like 6 hours a night that week. Then, the next day, they sent food. I remembered it was a croissant and Pick Me Up coffee. Yun lang kinain ko for the whole day. Tapos the next day, they sent donuts ata which made me sad but at the same time grateful. It made me sad kasi "donut" was my pet name for my ex. HAHAHA!
Thinking about that week makes me cry, not because of the pain but because of the support I had and I am immensely grateful to God for giving me such great friends, it was an enormous blanket of comfort.
Pati din with my family, my mom was there when I had crying episodes. I would just go to her for a hug and she will tell me that it's going to be okay and that I have to be strong. She would tell me that it's just a trial from God and that I was lucky that it happened before marriage and that my ex was weak for giving in to temptation, and I would feebly laugh at that comment because it was true and a bit silly. My cousin was just as supportive as well, she would silently support me through being with me as I sleep, and now we sleep in the same bed kasi dati I would get sad being alone in my bed. Haha! Her presence and proximity was very comforting. It made me felt less alone.
My college close friend was also a great comfort and a close officemate as well. Their comfort was through chats and we'd go out to relieve the sadness. Medyo nag bar moments kami ng college close friend ko! It was fun but then my tita age would kick in and I had to recover for at least a week before I could go out again. LOL! My office close friend naman, we'd push each other sa arts and crafts namin, as well sa habits namin. We listened to the Atomic Habits audiobook and it helped us with our habits talaga!
In summary, God takes out people who are not meant for you but you will have lots of lessons. His discipline will hurt you big time, but He also gives you comfort during the trying times. Even after all the pain I have experienced, I can still say thank you Lord, and I praise Him for He is good and faithful. I am grateful for His grace and mercy. Hay, grabe ka Lord, pero thank you.
Anyway, I'll make updates din for 2023 but in another post.
