Lately, I've been, I've been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby, I've been, I've been praying hard,
Said, no more counting dollars
We'll be, we'll be counting stars
--- Counting Stars, One Republic
Yes, lately I’ve been sleeping irregularly. I’m also dreaming about the things that could be. And I have been praying hard, I’m not counting dollars and definitely not counting stars, though I wish I could.
Why quote the song? It’s a funny story really. I had breakfast with one of my best friends and we talked about books and music. Then, she recommended me some albums including “Native” by One Republic, particularly one song called “Counting Stars”, so we went to her house and she made me listen to it as I transferred some files from her laptop to mine. As the time passed by, we talked about many things and then the song on our background suddenly popped in my ear.
I exclaimed, “Hey, I know this song, I’ve heard it somewhere.”
Then, my best friend laughed and said, “Ana, this song has been playing on the loop.”
So yeah, it was quite embarrassing but it’s quite funny too. :P
Anyway, I’ve been feeling down lately. Really, really down. Last week has been the worst week of my year. I couldn’t sleep properly, I was crying on my bed, and I couldn’t eat properly. I was overthinking and I was thinking of death quite frequently. When I do think of death, I cry, then I lose my appetite. I don’t want to talk to anyone in my house because I don’t understand them and they don’t understand me. You tell them what’s wrong with you and they interpret it differently, so what’s the point, really? You tell them and they don’t listen. –shrugs-
Aside from the sob-fest story above, last week has been pretty meaningful too, ‘cause I got to share the Gospel with my college friends. It was about Rahab and the two spies and how the wall of Jericho broke down. It was mainly about Salvation and about grace. So, praise God for still allowing me to share His goodness to people even though I’m severely broken. I’m also thankful for how God disciplined me last week and for reminding me about His Grace. I have yet to learn the lesson He is trying to teach me. I’m still learning how to be humble and how to set aside my pride, because I believe that pride is keeping me from allowing God to work fully in my life. I am a mull-headed girl that needs to learn it the hard way. But I hope I won’t learn it the really really hard way.
As I’ve said in the last post, I’m working on a book blog which was paused due to the “down time” I had week. And now, a friend of mine asked if I could give a movie review about Iron Man 3. I’m sort of struggling with this because I don’t know what to write. I would probably fan-girled if it was for this blog but it’s for a techy blog, so a lot of nerds and geeks would be reading it or might read… gah! And now that I’ve mentioned it, I probably should start working on it.