Saturday, July 22, 2017

As a friend

I think it is better
For me to get over
We were not meant to be
I was foolish to see

I was blinded by your charms
My walls melted, I was unarmed
But you struck my heart
I was a fool, I fell hard

And now that I am mending
I am slowly stacking and building
Walls that one day would fall again
To a lad who would only see me
As a friend.

I used to believe that people would really take up on their promise when they say that they are there for  you or that they would keep in touch. Some would really be there for you but you could only count them with your one hand. Most of them rarely do that. Even I have a problem keeping in touch.

I'm in a phase when I'd rather isolate myself than to hope and be hurt. I would rather be alone than endure petty talks. I am struggling whether to keep reaching out or to stop pestering them with my petty updates or comments. I am struggling to be loving instead of indifferent. I am struggling to be independent and not be needy. I am struggling with a lot of things and it infuriates me that I have not been improving. I seemed to be getting worse.

I would love to tell you how the first half of my year was but I am not ready to recall those frightful months. I am grateful for what happened and it is supposed to mold me, but *sigh* Let's just say if you would summarize the first half of the year in one word, it would be... drought.

Even so, God has been and is always faithful. He will always be.