Wednesday, September 28, 2011

I was supposed to blog a post from my journal last thursday, September 22,2011 but i guess it'll stay there. Hahaha. Still thinking if i should post it here or not.

Anyway, here's a little something for today's post, just so it doesn't look barren. hihi.

Tonight as the world slumbers
I think of you and wonder
If my name ever crossed your mind
Or I'm just a memory left behind

Tonight as the candle flickers
I write in this bounded paper
How I'm battling my fears with what I feel
Racking my head for what is real.

It's not yet finished... just venting out.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

quotes (random)

September 22,2011

“I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.”
― Helen Keller

“God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way.”
― C.S. Lewis

“I believe the nicest and sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens, but just those that bring simple little pleasures, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string.”
― L.M. Montgomery

“Whatever comes," she said, "cannot alter one thing. If I am a princess in rags and tatters, I can be a princess inside. It would be easy to be a princess if I were dressed in cloth of gold, but it is a great deal more of a triumph to be one all the time when no one knows it.”
― Frances Hodgson BurnettA Little Princess

“Live today. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. Just today. Inhabit your moments. Don’t rent them out to tomorrow. Do you know what you’re doing when you spend a moment wondering how things are going to turn out with Perry?

You’re cheating yourself out of today. Today is calling to you, trying to get your attention, but you’re stuck on tomorrow, and today trickles away like water down a drain. You wake up the next morning and that today you wasted is gone forever. It’s now yesterday. Some of those moments may have had wonderful things in store for you , but now you’ll never know.”
― Jerry SpinelliLove, Stargirl

“If you're reading this...
Congratulations, you're alive.
If that's not something to smile about,
then I don't know what is.”
― Chad Sugg, Monsters Under Your Head

“A person's a person, no matter how small.”
― Dr. Seuss

Monday, September 19, 2011

I was browsing through my goodreads account, looking for quotes for my twitter, plurk and fb status, and I came upon this quote by Mother Theresa. I'm not a Catholic but I agree with this quote.

“If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies; succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; be honest and frank anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway… You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway.” ― Mother Teresa

In the end, IT IS between God and me...

My spiritual life has not been in its brightest stage lately. I am preoccupied with wordly things... but God has been gracious again, reminding me of the things that I should put importance to, reminding me of the things I should be doing, things that should be honoring Him and nothing else. I thank God for being merciful and ever-knowing. He sustains me even though I turn away from Him.

I pray that He could teach me to let go and just give him the wheel. I pray that I would let Him color my canvass. I pray that He would never leave my side even if I'm stubborn...

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Life's Realization

While I was thoroughly ravishing my meal (ginataang alimasag na may kalabasa) the other day, I was watching a film starring Charlize Theron, Stuart Townsend, Dakota Fanning and Kevin Bacon. I still don't know the title but I know I've seen it before. Stuart Townsend was a medical person, um, I don't know if he's a doctor or he specializes something but Kevin Bacon was getting revenge by kidnapping Townsend's kid, Dakota. To make the long story short, good guys win. *laughs*

Anyway, Townsend's profession (though I don't know exactly what it was) made me ponder what I want in my life. My best friend is studying Medicine, and I'm not even a graduate. *sigh* Then , I thought of the things that made my life worthwhile... and it all summed up to one. I want to help other people. I may not doing enough things but it will be my life's goal. I may not be the best in my profession but if an opportunity presents itself, I would be willing to help anybody.

If I remember correctly, the things that I enjoyed doing were mostly people oriented. Like when I was in high school, I ran for Student Council and won the secretary position, that was in my Senior year. Okay, I'm going to enumerate some of the memorable things that I enjoyed doing, or some of my accomplishments. Hmmm.. When I was in nursery, my mom told me that I was in the honor roll, I was in third place, I think. Then in my elementary days, grade 3, I think, I won my first spelling bee, with the help of my team mate, Ken ( I think he did all the work though, hehe) I can't remember if it's in my grade 3 year, but I joined a declamation contest, I can still remember some lines.
 "His face, his face" 
*laughs* yup! that's it. That's why I lost that contest 'cause I can't remember my lines. hihi. Anyway, I joined another declamation after that and here are some lines to give you a clue..
 " Alms, alms, spare me a piece of bread. Spare me your mercy. I am child so young, so thin and so rugged... Why are you staring at me? Do you know my mother? Do you know my father? Did you know me 5 years ago? Yes, 5 years of bitterness have passed..." 
and that's all I can remember. (Here's a link to see the full piece) Okay. I think I joined the art club and the social science club and that was when I realize that I love art. I joined a poster making contest in my 6th grade and won. I can still remember that someone dumped my poster in the trash after it was displayed in the halls of our school. I cried  but it was all in the past. I remember my drawing was about the twin towers and Osama Bin Laden was falling off the top of the towers while the people below hold hands and unite around the globe. Haha! I know, cliche drawing but hey, at least I won. *winks*

 Now for my high school years, I joined the glee club, got active with my spiritual life, joined Student Fellowship and eventually became a Christian. It was in the 2nd year of my high school when my mom allowed me to go to a Summer camp hosted by the church of our school, and that year I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. After that, my life evolved in church and school. So yes, I'm a goody two shoes. 

Oh, I almost forgot, ever since grade school, I love bringing food for our recess because sometimes there's not enough time to go down and buy food in the canteen or sometimes we need to copy homework in our recess so we just eat in class. I remember that I'm always the one with the food and I love sharing it to them if I have spare. I think one trait my mom gave me was being generous with food. haha! Anyway, in my 4 years of highschool I get to direct 3 plays, I think. Florante and Laura, Noli Me Tangere and El Fili. Or was I the music director, I can't remember exactly but I used to direct plays in our Filipino class. I was also Emcee to one of our Linggo ng Wika, and I was partnered with the School President that time. We also participated in dance numbers and singing competition. Oh yeah, Chinese singing competition, I can still remember the face of the judges and how we practiced for it. Uhm... I also was part of the design team for our Teacher's day, it was themed like the Academy Awards with the red carpet and all. :) Every now and then I get called in the church to design some things.. haha.

For the conclusion, "makapal mukha ko" Hahaha! I think I'm an artsy fartsy person since I was a kid. I have no qualms about being in front of people, less stage frights.

So now, why did I say all those things? I just want to remind myself that I chose the right course for me. Advertising may have it's disadvantages but I know I love it even if I'm not familiar with it as much as other people do. I am the person who would love to help you even if I'm not in the limelight. (though sometimes I would like to be acknowledged)

In ending, I may not have a strong ambition like others who aspire to become the president of the country or own a billion's worth of company. I simply want to work and enhance my abilities to its fullest potentials and just help people with the ability God has given me. The best thing that would ever happen to my life is to fulfill God's work and be his hands and feet. I want to use my ability to help people see what I see in God or if possible, even more than I see God.

We walk in this beautiful earth and still not believe in the greatness of God. We see wonderful places and still not believe in its Creator. We don't even praise Him or some wouldn't even spare a glance at His compassion. This is the part when I say, I will come back with a heart for worship... I will come back Father God, I will, no matter what happens.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Here's the sitch.

You're not in my checklist. You were just an option, a friend for keeps, but here is the feeling that's tearing my brains out.

I tried not talking to you for a day but you always break my streak. The longest we haven't talk would be hours or so. *sigh* I have said this loads of time... Ayokong masanay. The thing is... I think I already did.

And now I long for you... I think about you everyday. This morning I woke up with you on my thoughts. I tried shaking off the feeling but it doesn't fade.

I'll try once again to avoid you, if it fails then there's nothing I can do. 

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Hi blogger, it's been a while. You know how this goes, I'm off to rant again...

I have come to realize that I'm not ready to fall in love. I think that God was telling me that for the past years and I'm just turning a deaf ear. It's that or I'm just scared to fall... scared of feeling happy because you know you'll be sad again no matter what you do. I'm scared of making a fool out of myself when that person is not even worth my efforts. I'm scared to take the risk because I'm afraid of rejection. I'm a coward. I don't want to leap into the unknown, not knowing when I will land and how will I land or if I'd still be alive. There, I admit it. I. am. scared.

I was browsing and reposting in my Tumblr and I saw this photo...
It describes me. period. haha.

That's it for now. Let the photo explain what I feel today.