Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Friday, October 24, 2014
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
We both have things to learn and I think I have learned mine. I fervently hope that you have learned yours as well before any regret happens. Nevertheless, I thank God for letting me meet you and know you. For without you, I wouldn't have known what I was looking for. I would still put you in a pedestal that you don't deserve. You were meant to live in a chapter of my story and I have turned my pages to write the next one. You were a character in passing and I'm glad of it.
Thursday, August 21, 2014
I want to go to new places
And see different faces
To figure out puzzling mazes
And fill out empty spaces
I know what I want to be
I want to be a better me
To fill a life full of glee
To not wallow in misery
And to be satisfied in the thought of eternity
I know who I want to marry
Someone funny and jolly
Someone who would keep up with me
What times are hard, he would not leave my side
He would hold my hand and remind me of
The God who we love and who is alive
Most of my blog posts were inspired by songs (I may not have mentioned it but most of them were) and this one was inspired by the “feel good” groove of Grouplove’s Ways To Go. I was nodding to the beat when it dawned on me that I haven’t blogged since July, so here I am writing on my eventful August.
(Open Season by High Highs on my background)
My August started with our company retreat. I was on a spiritual high because I was reminded yet again of God’s promises and what it He wanted us to do. I wanted to project God’s love through my ministries so I volunteered. I stood up and ran towards Effie Trinket who was on the stage holding a piece of paper and shouted, “I VOLUNTEEEERRR!”
I’m kidding. Of course, Effie Trinket wasn’t in our retreat.
I only texted someone and told him that I wanted to help in a particular ministry. He said, yes. Lo and behold, my August was swamped with meetings and practices. But I am grateful because I get to serve Someone I love.
Speaking of love, let’s get into that arena. Last month, my heart and mind was still at war. I was still raw and butt hurt and I was unforgiving, but God was nudging me to talk it out with Him, and I did. I spat all my hurts and my anxieties concerning my love life and you know what, He listened and He calmed me. It was one of the sweetest experience I had with Him. From an angry and miserable woman, I became more accepting and forgiving. I have accepted that I was being impulsive and impatient, and it was one of the things that I have to learn in this phase.
I have decided (again) to wait it out. I would not make a move. I would let God do all the moving. Some of my friends would say that it would be a stupid move, that nothing would happen if I don’t move. But I have decided that I would wait. I want to do nothing except for the things that God wanted me to do, and so far, His instructions were to wait on Him. So I’m focusing on my ministries and in my relationship with Him.
One of the highlights of my August were my family’s and my best friend’s birthday. I cooked for my mom on her birthday. It was a simple dish. White sauce and pasta. I remembered that she used to cook the same thing when I was younger so I cooked one for her. I bought my cousin ice cream naman on her birthday. I didn’t cook for my best friend’s birthday because she treated us dinner. We had a grand time eating Filipino cuisine at BGC (I forgot the resto’s name) and we had ice cream afterwards.
So there, I have updated you, my blog, with the highlights of my August.
Ah yes, one more thing, I am 7 books behind my reading challenge schedule and I’m feeling bad because I haven’t finished a book for July. What is happening with my reading life?! rawr! Anyhoo, I’m currently reading Stardust by Neil Gaiman and I am hoping that I would finish reading it this month.
Friday, July 25, 2014
on the event that I die, I want all possible organs to be donated to any hospital or to people who need them.
I also want to be cremated, that's why I wanted to donate any of the possible limbs or organs in my body to be put in good use. If my family were to face a difficult decision of keeping me alive, I want them to think of the greater good. I would love to be able to help people and to help them know more about Christ, even if it means that I would die.
I know that it would be a hard thing to decide upon. I do not know what the future holds for me. I might die in a second or after I'm done writing this blog, but one thing I am sure of, I know who holds my tomorrows. Whatever happens, I am glad to be part of His plan.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
The 2nd Law is the 6th album of MUSE released on 2012. I could still remember the hype of the Musers when it came out. Some did not like the album because they don't like dubstep. Some liked it. Some said that it has too much Queen on it. No matter what people said, I liked it. Loved it! I loved how MUSE experimented on their albums. By the way, this was the first MUSE album I have on cd and I plan on buying a tangible copy of the other albums as well.
The first three tracks were my top 3 favorites in the album. My favorite track would be Madness, 2nd would be Panic Station, 3rd for Supremacy. Every time I hear it, I feel my head bobbing to it. I loved the rhythm of the song and the elements in it.
I was listening to a spotify playlist and it played Madness, and I realized that even though it was released two years ago, it could still perk me up. I look forward to their next album and what would their inspirations be.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
wondering about places
or doors ajar
I am on my windowsill
Sitting and waiting
for the doors of my heart to open
I am on my windowsill
daring anybody to come near
I am on my windowsill
Sunday, July 20, 2014
There were those times too, when we were overwhelmed by our emotions that we could not distinguish what we feel. They were all mixed up that they made you numb, until you go into your corner and be at it for some time. Slowly, you would unravel each emotion and the reason behind it. In the process of unravelling, you would find yourself wallowing on each emotion. Then, you would come to a point where you would realize that wallowing was pointless, and then you move on.
There were those times too, when you were wishing you were blogging something more sensible and informative, but you just wanted to post a blog not for post counts but for the mere reason of posting your thoughts somewhere other than your laptop (which would fail you some day) or your brain (which eventually would cease to work... someday) or for the reason that you wanted someone to read your post and empathize with what you're writing and that you are not alone.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Date the girl who waits. She knows good things are worth waiting for. Find her not on Tinder, Ok Cupid or Skout. She’s too busy living life to be filtering good lookers online or chatting up strangers behind a screen. Instead, find her smiling to herself as she browses through books in an indie book store. Find her laughing heartily in a group of friends at a cafe in town.
The girl who waits is one moment the sweet girl next door, and the next moment, the life of a party.
It’s easy to spot the girl who waits. Oblivious to her surroundings, she charms those around her with her confidence and her bubbly personality. You know you’ve found the girl who waits when you see a girl happy just being herself. When you see her, start a conversation and make her laugh. You can be certain it’s her if she infects you with joy without even trying.
The girl who waits doesn’t worry or envy when she sees her friends happily in love. Because deep down she knows it’s a matter of time before she gets her turn.
She’s confident enough to not to settle with just anyone, because the girl who waits is the girl who loves not when she’s lonely. The girl who waits, understands the difference between being alone and being lonely.
Ask her out on a date. Know she’ll refuse because chances are, she’s got plans of her own. But don’t stop trying, because when she finally opens up to you, you will realize that the wait was worth the while.
Date the girl who waits. She’ll never take you for granted. After months or even years of holding out for the right guy, appreciation and commitment come naturally. She won’t back out of the relationship after years of dating, citing reasons of uncertainty of whether you’re the one, because you know she has done everything she has needed to as a singleton and she has met sufficient guys to know you’re the one she wants to be with. She’ll be thankful for every moment with you because the activities she once had to do alone, she now has you as company.
Take her out on a date. You’ll experience appreciation and desire when she naturally reaches out for your hand. Date the girl who waits, because when she finally entrusts you with her heart, you know she’s true to you.
Fall in love with the girl who waits. She has gone through sufficient heartbreaks to know how to love. She understands the delicate balance of personal space and couple time. Having been a swinging bachelorette, you can be certain that she has a life of her own. She won’t be clingy and neither will she stop you from hanging with the boys. She’ll be the best friend who taunts you to make your soccer watching experience fun but she’ll also be the sweet girl who’ll cuddle you at home on a rainy day.
The girl who waits would have a life of her own. She’ll tell you about her backpack adventures. She’ll take you to her favorite hideouts. She’ll strum you a song on her guitar and watch her favorite movies snuggling up with you. She’ll take you to meet her friends. She’ll hold your hand and take you on new escapades.
Date the girl who waits, because she is the girl who knows what she’s looking for. If she chooses to be with you, you can be definite it wasn’t because of convenience or loneliness. Treasure the girl who waits, because she, who doesn’t settle despite it all, is the girl who will love you for you.
Love the girl who waits. She’s confident and happy by herself, but chooses to let you in despite knowing you could very well hurt her. If she forsakes her freedom for you, keep her. If she can love you without any baggage from her previous heartbreaks and failed relationships, don’t just love her back. Love her, and even more.
Maybe you’ve met her, maybe you haven’t. But when you finally do, don’t let her go.
Thursday, July 3, 2014
It is in the wee hours of the morning that I usually get pumped up with ideas and whatnot, and maybe a little help from coffees or teas. I know it’s unhealthy but I guess, it is more beneficial emotionally than physically.
I have been storing up a bundle of feels lately. I have been wallowing in the pain that I have forgotten about the good things I would get from this experience. What experience, you might wonder? I would say, it was an experience common to us mortals, well, even gods of mythology, it was an experience with the matters of the heart. Eww, I sound melodramatic. *cringe*
I have read an article about not dating a writer. It was written that one of the reasons why you shouldn’t date a writer was because he/she would write about your break up or use the pain from your break up to write something. Couldn’t be more true.
It is easier to wallow in pain than to stand up to the pain because as Augustus Waters said in The Fault In Our Stars, “pain demands to be felt.” You need to feel pain to feel the process of learning. Even if you have mastered the art of “numbing” yourself to the pain, you WOULD eventually feel it. Why not overcome it before you get too cold from numbing yourself? I know, I know, easier said than done.
Pain has its own way of seeping into our system. It has its own levels and degrees. Some you could just shrug off after a day, some could leave you curled up in your bed for a week, or maybe months, some could leave you in misery for years, but no matter how long it stays, you have to let it go.
“Let go and let God.”
You have seen that quote countless of times and it might have inspired you for a moment or maybe it is your mantra today, but let me tell you my interpretation on that quote.
Letting go of something meant you allowed it to go… you had the option of not allowing it to go but you CHOSE to release it. You have relinquished your hold on it and allowed God to take hold of it. In a way, you could say that you’re letting God handle whatever it is that you were letting go, and that would mean that you are giving God the authority over something that gripped you for some time and you are giving Him the power to do anything He wants to it.
“Let God” is not just about handing or passing the pain to God, it is more of believing in His power and having faith in His ability to turn something distressing into something good. Many times we are blinded by the pain that we don’t see we are losing focus on the path that we should take. Our vision were obscured by what we feel that we lost sight of what was real and what we should be doing. I have said earlier that pain should be felt because joy would not be apparent without anguish, so as light without the darkness. But it is tempting to wallow in self-pity and drown in the pools of misery.
It may surprise you that nowhere in the Bible are we told to ‘resist temptation’. Instead, we are advised to refocus our attention because resisting a thought doesn’t work. It only intensifies our focus on the wrong thing and strengthens its allure. You don’t defeat temptation by fighting the feeling of it. The more you fight a feeling, the more it consumes and controls you. You strengthen it every time you think it. Since temptation always begins with a thought, the quickest way to neutralize its allure is to turn your attention to something else. Don’t fight the thought, just change the channel of your mind and get interested in another idea. Learn More -http://purposedriven.com/
I saw that status update from Purpose Driven Life’s Facebook and somehow I have likened it to dealing with pain. It’s true that the more you fight it, the more it becomes alluring, the more you want people to understand you, the more you want others to empathize your situation, but that results to vanity. You see only your self, your feelings and not how others are feeling. The more you fight it, the more it consumes you. So when it comes to pain, let it go and hand it to God, He knows what to do with it. That’s what it means to refocus too. Do not look at the pain but look at God. If you continue looking at Him, you will eventually find yourself thinking of other things besides your pain. Looking at God is like a drug, once you see His goodness and His awesomeness, it won’t be enough, you would ask for more but that’s where the similarity ends, unlike drugs, God is not bad for your health, it is otherwise.
When our visions are fogged by the pain, the quickest way to elude its tempting pull into misery is by refocusing our eyes on the Lord. When you feel the overwhelming fog of pain that surrounds you, look for the light, there will always be that light behind the fog. How else would you see the fog if there were only darkness? Don’t focus on the fog, focus on the lighted path. There will be fog in the path but you will never be lost if you search for the light.
What am I trying to say? In our walk with Christ, there will be pain, I assure you, there will be a lot of heart aches and heart breaks, but do not be discourage, for we have Light that guides us to the right path. No matter how thick the fog is there would be a light that would shine in the darkness. Hold on to that light. Continue walking towards it. Don’t fight the fog, instead, hold up the light. Let it shine on your path, one step at a time.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.
Refocus your pain into something good, better yet, focus on God.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
I am officially working for Imagine Nation Photography for a year! Yay! It’s my “workiversary” or something.
(Side comment: My internet connection was cruel to me. It showed four bars but I was not getting any connection from it. *sigh*)
I should be really glad that I have another milestone in my career and I’m glad, but I’m not ecstatic over it. You see, last week, we started to work at home or “home-based” as they call it and I‘m not really fond of it. Though it has its perks because you get to control your time and you’re not restricted to an office environment, I just liked the separation of location of my work and where I relax. I am used to the idea that I go somewhere else to work. So what would happen if we are home-based? We would be project based (less income) and we would be working at home (obviously.) Some of my office mates, who were graphic artists in the production team, have no qualms on the matter but seeing that I’m not overly productive at home, I saw it as a challenge. I have to manage my time wisely in order for me to be more productive and I have to look for extra income.
I am hoping to find peace and strength in Christ as these things happen. I do not know what the future has in store for me, but I find comfort in knowing who holds my future. I am hoping that my mind would stop worrying and my heart would stop crumbling. But you know what, I’m glad that this happened because in times like this I seek His face the most. I am stubborn and I tend to do things my own way but His ways are greater and His plans are bigger, it would only make sense to let Him handle what I could not, which I should have done in the first place. Then, the pieces would just fall into place instead of letting fall into a different puzzle.
Monday, June 9, 2014
The first time I heard the song “Blessings” by Laura Story, I was brought to tears. I knew then that this would be the song that I would like to be played in my funeral. After all, Funerals are not for the living. I want the people I love and the people who loved me to be comforted by this song and through God’s message.
If you have not heard of this song, listen to it and be blessed.
Here’s the lyrics:
The phrase that I really like in the song is… “Mercies in Disguise.” Last Sunday, a pastor reminded us what’s the difference between mercy and grace. Grace is a gift. It is something we do not deserve, something that is given freely. Mercy is when you do something wrong and you deserve punishment but you do not get it or you are pardoned. Grace is when we did not do anything but we still receive something.
What I liked about that phrase is that it reminded me how God loves us… that most of the time, we sin greatly, intentional or unintentionally, we sin. We think that a trial or discipline is God punishing us but what we do not know is that we deserve severe and gruesome punishments for what we’ve done. We cry out to Him thinking that the trials that we experience are His punishments, we think that it is so much that we cannot bear it but little do we know, we deserve more. We had it easy.
I had it easy. And in the face of trial, I crumbled. I said things I was not supposed to say, things I said out of spite and bitterness. I lost my focus in the face of adversity and I am ashamed for not trusting in the Lord. I have forgotten how He loves. I have forgotten that His mercies are new every morning. I became a Pharisee. I became righteous and God broke me. I was stubborn and I was so quick to judge people that I have forgotten to look into my heart. I do not deserve any of this, I deserve to die but God… His unfailing love… chose to save me.
God gave me hope.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27
God has ways of comforting us and He gives it in perfect timing. There will be countless of trials and there is not s doubt that we will fail Him again. It’s in our nature. We might beat our chest and be ashamed to face Him. Know this, dear reader…
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”
The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.
- Lamentations 3:22-27
The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him… I prayed for a small group… He answered me with time. I pray that the Lord would help me utilize the time He has given me with wisdom. I thank the Lord for my mother, for understanding my heart that even though my decision would affect our expenses and my dream… she still encouraged me, she said to not lose hope and to always pray to our God in Jesus' Christ’s name. She said that trials may come but the Lord would never leave us, just keep on holding and not to let go of His grip.
I have friends and family that God uses to comfort me, what more can I ask for? Most of all, I have a God who is greater than anything in this world, a God whose love is indescribable, a God whose power is unfathomable, a God who never tires of loving me…
What more can I ask for?
Saturday, May 17, 2014
A friend of mine told me that she noticed a certain similarity to the music that I listen to. My friend was right, the songs I like/love usually have nice bass lines. I remember calling them "heartbeats." I like how they make you nod or make your heart go thumpity thump thump! The way the bassline filled the low parts and made the songs groovier excited me.
Among my favourite bass lines is The White Stripe's Seven Nation Army. The intro is just deliciously wicked! Speaking of "intro," I love The XX's Intro... I love everything in their self titled album.
Before you assume that I'm a music expert, I should clarify that I am no music geek nor a music fanatic, I am nowhere near music obsession to be called a fanatic, but I would like to have those labels... someday. Alas, I am a mere music enthusiast. I LOVE music and I dislike silence. I function well when I listen to music and I would like to know more about music.
But if plugging your earphones when you're in the train or you couldn't last a day without listening to music, to any kind of music, an obsession, then whoop-dee-doo, I'm a music fanatic!
The last three paragraphs doesn't make sense, so I'm just going to stop typing, before I add more nonsensical sentences. By the way, I'm listening to The XX while I write this. Their music is just too good for my writing, my ear and my brain is too busy focusing on their grooviness.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Would I still speak of Your glory?
If the stars cease to shine
Would I still recognize Your grace?
If the mountains fall
Would I still feel Your power?
If the rivers go dry
Would I still know of Your love?
When all things cease to be
and they will be
You will remain
You are the Alpha and Omega
You will forever reign
When the people screams of despair
You will make yourself known
Even without Your works
Only You can inspire the hearts of these people
Only Your majesty will bring wonder
Only Your love will make them believe
That You are the God of forever.
This poem is inspired the song "One Thing Remains" sung by Kristian Stanfill.
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Your light it will never waver
It never fail to let us remember
Of Your love, Your grace
Of Your faithfulness
Of Your mercies that are new
The light You gave us
Continue to struggle its way out
Into the dark and damp world
This light wiggles its way out
This light cannot be contained
For it glows like the sun
The heat is searing
Our hearts burning
Passionate and resonating
The symphony that the Light brings
Is never ending.
The warm blaze inside is coming out.
This guiding light
It burns bright
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
I was supposed to write something more substantial than the rules for my books but my Dory-like memory has forgotten what I should be writing, so I give you the rules when borrowing my books.
Rule #1. Read them.
I don’t care how long it takes for you to read my book as long as you read it. If it takes you years, I don’t mind, just read it and finish it. Period.
Rule #2. Do not write on them.
Any highlighting or writing on the pages is forbidden. Please, write on a blank sheet of paper and not on my books. They are meant for reading not scribbling nor writing. I, the owner, am the only one entitled to highlight or scribble something on my book, because it’s mine. However, if you could not help writing on it… I am RELUCTANTLY allowing you to use a pencil.
Rule #3. Dog ears and bookmarks are allowed.
I would prefer dog ears than vandalism on books. Dog ears are perfectly understandable because I do them often when I don’t have my bookmarks.
Rule #4. Return them in good condition.
I know that we have different reading styles, positions, or manner of reading and I don’t mind how you read my books as long as you are comfortable with it. I know that sometimes we have little accidents when the book is with us like a few drops of coffee on some pages, a tear or crumple on a page because you slept on it, or you spilt coffee/tea on it. For me, it doesn’t matter, it shows that the book has lived among us. What matters to me is that the book should still be able to tell its story. As long as the book is still readable and the pages are still intact, I consider them in good condition. If you ruin or lost one of my books, be ready to supply a replacement. Thank you!
With that said, I hope you enjoy reading whatever book you have borrowed. Enjoy their stories for I had a grand time with them.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
… I would see my biological father.
Maybe I would see what Harry saw when he looked at the Mirror of Erised… his whole family. All of them and not a broken one.
I promised that I would blog more often and I haven’t, so I would try fulfilling it again by starting small. One post a day even if my entry is short. Let’s see what happens.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
A broken spirit and a contrite heart
You will not despise,
You will not despise
You desire truth in the inward parts
A broken spirit and a contrite heart
Lord, my heart is prone to wander
Prone to leave, the God I love
Here's my heart, Lord take and seal it
Seal it for,
Your courts above
This song has been sung for ages for it rang true of what God wanted us to offer Him. He does not delight in sacrifice nor take pleasure in burnt offerings. The best offering or sacrifice we can give Him is a broken spirit and a repenting heart.
He has told us about this before, in the times of Cain and Abel. God does not need you to bring glory to Him. He could do it by Himself. He could appoint other people to reveal Himself to others. He does not need your efforts. He does not need you either. Yet, He chose to reveal Himself to you in things you did not imagine, in vessels you did not expect. God wants your heart. A heart in line with His heart.
My prayer for this reflection…
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Psalm 51: 10-12
Often times we have heard about God not changing the situation, because He changes the heart. I pray that God would move our hearts, like what He did with the Pharaoh in Moses’ time. I pray the God would move our hearts and change it to whatever He deem best. I pray that God would convict our hearts to be repentant, that we can come before Him with a pure heart and a willing spirit. I pray that He would continually reveal Himself to us, that our bond would be strengthen by these circumstances, and that I would not waver in trusting Him for He has not wavered in being faithful to me; He has never changed.
May His grace sustain us in the things we do for God. May the Holy Spirit continually convict us to focus our eyes on the true prize and guide us when we wander from His love.
May we find joy and peace in Christ.