His reply

Do you remember the girl who wrote to her future love? well, here is his reply. Got this from a friend and as you can see I'm reposting it. ;)

OVERWHELMED, AWED AND humbled.

Those three words best describe the feelings my daughter and I have had last week as we received letters and comments on last week’s column that contained her letter to the man she will love someday.

Apparently, the letter struck a chord among the young and old.

One letter stood out—from an equally hopeful young man. I told my daughter the whole experience was starting to feel like a scene from “Letters to Juliet” and my eternally romantic 45-year-old heart just felt really blessed to be in the middle of it all.

I will let my daughter express our gratitude in her response below. We have been blessed in more ways than you will ever know. May you all find God’s best in His time.

My daughter’s letter

Dear readers,

I never expected that so many of you would find yourselves in a simple letter I wrote one night when I was most vulnerable, where in retrospect I realize now were just echoes of the little dreams my heart carried.

While I study to become a doctor someday, I know my focus should be on the literal intricacies of the human heart as opposed to what it feels. However, I find nothing wrong in hoping to meet that someone who’ll make it skip a beat.

To hope for love isn’t a bad thing, as long as you continue to live your life to the full while waiting for God’s best. As one wise reader wrote—it could be that “God is still preparing you both for that right moment.”

Meanwhile, we can learn, experience, and become happy with the things we do have in our lives today before that time comes, because after all, happiness never does depend on a single person.

Thank you to everyone who shared their stories of waiting and finding true love and to all the young people who appreciate the concept of not settling for just anyone but waiting for that someone. It is nice to know that there are others out there who still hope and pray for the right kind of love.

Two nights after the letter was published, I received this in my personal mail—an anonymous response to my letter. I want to share it with you all—a letter written by a man any girl would love to fall in love with someday.

Dear You,

I will admit that it came as a surprise to me when you decided to write a letter such as this. I always thought you were the type to keep things to yourself—one of the many things that keep us apart until now.

There is a part of every boy’s heart that dreams of his princess. However, no matter what the age, this princess does not change.

Nineteen years into this life, and although your unwillingness to give your heart away is what troubles you, what troubles me is how willing I am each and every time to give my complete heart and yet there is no one to receive anything of me.

Try as I might to give my heart to someone I had imagined was perfect, and I end up putting the pieces back together, mustering the courage to make it seems like nothing is wrong and nothing has been lost, when in fact, everything in my life at that point feels otherwise.

Although I have only known you for a few years, I am as confident as a man in love can be, that you are the perfect girl I have been thinking of ever since. Nineteen years into this life, and we are both still apparently waiting… for someone to be swept off her feet, and for someone to sweep you off yours. And yet, here we are closer to each other than you would expect.

I am sorry I took this long. But, I hope you know, it has not been entirely easy, trying to whisk you off to my palace on horseback. I am not alone in this pursuit of your love and I have no palace to show you in comparison to the many other men who will try to win your heart. You have not been entirely cooperative as well, but I do not blame you for this. In fact, it’s just one of the many quirks that sets you apart from other girls out there.

You will be disappointed to know that it has not been such a fairytale - meeting me, and for this I will be eternally sorry. I hope you know guys spend more than enough time trying to come up with the perfect introduction, what with sweaty palms and a shaky voice. As to the extreme disappointment I may cause you, I also hope you know that you are still as perfect in my eyes as always. I may not have begun it as a fairytale for us, but I will go through leaps and bounds to make you feel like the princess that you are.

Your eccentricities are what I love about you. Even during your occasional mood swings, it is the most endearing thing to see you shift gears. Although I must admit, sometimes it can be quite confusing; keeping me on my toes, it just makes me want to be with you even more. I want to be the man you stand beside at your best and your worst—because either way, you are still too beautiful, and I would be nothing less than the luckiest guy in town if you were just as happy as I was, standing beside you.

You are and will always be my best friend, even if one day I end up finding no more shirts because you have borrowed them all. And when you return them I end up not wearing them, still, because the scent is there to remind me of you even when you are not around. You are my best friend because you look out for me, after a stressful day, or after we lose a game of basketball. Even during times when you refuse to speak to anyone, me included—you are still my best friend.

You will be the girl I try so hard to cook for, and despite my best efforts I know I will fail, but I will love how you will try to taste my concoctions, even when the taste might make you cringe. You will be the girl whose mom I will try so hard to impress, and then you will fix my collar in hopes that I am ready to meet your parents. Adventure after adventure, you will be the girl I will see the world with, complete with the local cuisine taste and souvenir shots.

You are the girl I will smile to even in the worst of times. Even when the day feels like s__t, I know that when I see you that my world cannot be so bad if you are beside me. You are the girl whose smile I will wake up to, even when some mornings might find me with a slight case of morning breath. I cannot wait to love you.

Fingers crossed and palms held together, I hope one day you will find me worthy of your heart. In the meantime, know that I am out here somewhere, waiting for you, hoping that you will be mine.

Loving you forever and a day,

Me

I was completely overwhelmed by this and went to sleep that night with a smile on my face, knowing that there are many people out there who continue to hold steadfastly to the hope of finding not the perfect, but the right person for them. So to every heart out there that continues to hope to someday know what that feels like- here’s to allowing God to write our love stories.

With much love and gratitude,

Pia

E-mail the author at cathybabao @gmail.com 

 Sana they'll continue this letter writing. heheh. i'm a fan na! *sniff*

read between the lines

Do you know the term "read between the lines?" 

I've never seen a group up close that is so business minded. I can't blame them, Philippines is in a dreadful state, people will do anything just to survive this jungle.

I'm blogging about the Networking agencies here in the Philippines. The kind who uses words to attract their customer. anyway, here' s the scoop.

A college friend invited me to have an interview in their company. He told me that positions were available and were related to our line of study. I was of course interested because he noted that this job can be part-time. So I agreed and set up a date, which was earlier tonight at 7pm. Little did I know that this company is operating via networking. You might think that I am close minded when it come to these things, but you see, I have studied Advertising. I am trained to read between the lines, to decipher meanings behind words and presentations. Why am I in this tone? It is because I was duped. I feel like it, though I can;t present you with severe facts, I can present you with my speculations. 

The minute I stepped into the room, I had a feeling that this was going to be something unexpected, I thought I was in the middle of a go-see, but it turns out, I have entered the realm of networking. I must commend the people working there for their diligence in speaking, they were chattering endlessly! Most people would have walked out of the room before he/she wastes anymore time, but i am different and you can say, more curious than interested. We were ushered into a room with speakers coming in and out of the session hall. One speaker spoke of the products and services, one spoke of the worst case scenario and the other presented a testimony. All were aiming at one goal, to convince us to pay P9,888 to gain (as they say) more money than any of our salary can give us. I was , of course, a skeptic. P9888 is not something you can conjure in thin air. The third speaker I was really entertained with. He is a pioneer of the company. When he spoke I feel like I'm in a comedy bar. The guy knows how to entertain, a very good speaker, and a musician too. I have nothing against networking people, but the mere fact that some of them are lying just to get themselves more money irritates me.

My speculations were as follows;

- I was doubtful of my friends tone when he messaged me in Facebook, a thing which he did for the first time. But I must be honest in saying that I was pleased that this part time will be related to advertising (or that just what i thought)

- The tone of texting with my friend and his friend were the same, feels like only one person is texting me. I disregarded it 'cause I thought of professionalism.

- Most of us were young people. The curious thing about this speculation is when i asked about why most of us are young people, he didn't answer me directly. something that i don't like in discussions.

_ the one i'm speaking with does not maintain eye contact long enough for me to feel him trustworthy. 

These were a few of my speculations... what I'm disappointed with their line of thinking is this. Their thoughts are too materialistic and they even use God. I dunno about their faith but money and God do not mesh well together unless it's glorifying HIM. They talk about helping when in fact there is in it for them. in summary, i have seen tonight an effect of today's economy to the society which is selfishness.

In their view, I will be perceived as a close-minded individual who passed up a valuable opportunity held by them. But for me, I have escaped the clutches of materialism.

I will end with this verse. 

¹⁹"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.

Matthew 6:19-21

to the man I can’t wait to love

My eyes misted as I read this article i got from my friend... A repost from http://lifestyle.inquirer.net/relationships/relationships/view/20100808-285501/My-daughters-letter-to-the-man-she-will-love-someday

As a woman, you spend hours pondering—alone or with your girl friends—the intricacies of the human heart. You always hope and pray that the next generation will get it better than you did.

Below is a letter I found in my daughter’s website (I have her permission to share this). She wrote it to “the man I will someday love.”

I was expecting to read a gushing, romantic, idealistic tome. I was humbled instead by her sentiments. It’s filled with sensible expectations.

I pray that this will make every girl believe that hope does spring eternal, and even if your heart has been broken a few times, you can always put the pieces back together, and make it right the next time around.

Take your time. Don’t rush and don’t just “settle.” If it’s part of His plan, God’s best awaits you out there.

Letter

Dear You,

I will admit that sometimes I really do wonder if you exist. 

There is a part of every little girl’s heart that envisions her prince charming. At age three, it is usually of a man who can save her from the wrath of an evil stepmother, wake her from eternal slumber or give her that true love’s kiss.

In elementary school, he becomes the boy with the least cooties, the one who’s willing to cross the playground to share his Oreos even if it makes him a target for the week of all the other boys.

Come high school, it’s that boy you stand with at prom, who your father stared down at the door, who provided you with an experience complete with photos you will cringe at a decade later, a corsage that yellows in the refrigerator, and a faded memory of a night that seemed almost too magical to be real.

Nineteen years into this life, however, and still unwilling to give my heart away, I am still that same little girl who hopes for her prince charming. And although I wonder why it has taken you this long to sweep me off my feet and whisk me off to your palace on horseback, I know that it is probably because meeting you will be better than any fairytale I could’ve read as a kid.

A couple of heartbreaks and a few years wiser though, I will admit that there are times when I question your existence. Because I have yet to meet the guy who makes me hear songs like “All My Life” or “A Whole New World” in my head when I see him does not mean I don’t hope that it’ll ever happen.

I may already know you or may still meet you someday—something I leave completely up to God because I’m pretty sure our story will be epic.

However, I can’t promise you that I’d make the world’s most perfect princess. In fact I’ll probably keep you on your toes and amuse you with my eccentricities—there are a lot of them. I’ll probably steal a bunch of your T-shirts and turn them into shirt dresses, or drive you slightly mad with my obsessive compulsivity and my need to fix your collar constantly.

I can promise to be your best friend however—that person you can rant to after a rough day, the hand you can hold when you get sad, or the person you can text when situations get awkward.

I’ll probably mess up your hair sometimes and hug you for too long, but that’ll only be because I absolutely adore you. I’ll bury my head in your shoulder during scary movies and make you feel like superman when you kill those flying cockroaches that really shouldn’t exist. I’ll cook your favorite food on your birthday and try my best to make friends with your mom.

I’ll respect your nights-out with the boys and make you seem like the perfect guy to my barkada. I’ll watch basketball or soccer games with you, and not complain when you cheer too loudly at the TV set.

I’ll know the difference between giving you space and being constantly there for you—even if it means sitting and playing video games with you or taking hot chocolate runs when it rains.

I’ll listen to your music and we’ll go on epic adventures together—seeing the world, taking awesome pictures, eating awesome food, and never running out of things to tell each other along the way.

I won’t be waiting for you to sweep me off my feet and take me on a magic carpet ride, because I know I won’t need anything like that to fall for you—I will love you for you.

You will be that someone to make goofy faces with in pictures, to lace fingers with when I’m lonely, and to take long walks under the stars with on the beach.

You’ll be the guy who takes me the way I am—and will laugh as I burst into Disney song or pick out pink wallpaper.

You’ll be that someone I envision a future with—us filling out visa forms as we travel the universe, picking out our first dog together and arguing about what to name it, or being snap-happy stage parents in our preschooler’s annual mini-plays. And I keep hoping that maybe someday when we find each other, you will become that someone whose smile I wake up to in the morning and the last one I speak to every night.

So to the man I know does exist, and who will help me maybe make sense of the world someday, this man I can’t wait to love. Please know that I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. But for now, I wait. Fingers crossed and palms held together, I hope that you’re out there somewhere, waiting for me, too.

With the hope I will be yours for always,

Me

E-mail the author at cathybabao@ gmail.com

*sniff*  

Just a random thought...

I was pouring water into my tumbler, when a sudden idea struck me. I am in need of a role model. Someone I could look up to. a real person, not somebody I read or saw in books. Somebody who is alive and can interact with me. Somebody who can answer my questions and never think the questions I ask to be dumb. Somebody who finds time to comment at my random thoughts. Someone who'll not find me weird because of my interests.
Someone who'll encourage me to speak my mind and say, "yes, i've been there, and I suggest you do this"

I am a frustrated writer... but i guess all i need is an encouraging supporter... An encourager for my sudden burst of thoughts...

Truth is, I want to be a writer. I am dazzled by words. I feel welcomed by words every time I see them. But the sad fact is, i am not a writer. I want to be, but it is not my forte. I have said in my plurk that I am a jack of all trades and indeed I am. I know tidbits of lot of things but have not master any of them. I know how to write, to read, to play the piano, to design clothes, to draw, to teach, to sing, to dance, to narrate, to act, to host,... but I can't seem to find something that I can excel in. That is the sad fact about my life. Yes, you can put me anywhere and still perform good, but I do not excel. I do not know what my future stable career will be, but I know that someday I will excel, by God's grace, i hope I do. 

I am an optimist. I always look at the brighter side of things.

Do you know the feeling of being in the background? The feeling  when a task is finished with you involved in it, supporting the main players? I think that's the feeling of accomplishment. It feels like you've done something right even if your face isn't shown. 

Life will always be complex and difficult. You don't have to be the front act or the main performer to feel the sense of accomplishment, or to feel contentment. You just need to see what your job is worth and see how it is helping others. And seeing the people you've helped, seeing that you have this job without hurting or stepping on anybody, it makes all the effort and sacrifice worth having.

Now, why do i always end in a positive note?

As I have mentioned, I'm an optimist. 

Cheers!

Have you ever been in a situation wherein you don't know what you are going to do because you are not fully equipped? I am sure you have. 

I was having a spiritual downturn when i read this Christian novel that sprinkled gas to my spiritual fire. I am in the brink of backsliding when this Christian novel came at hand. Thankfully God put a cheap price on that book or else i wouldn't buy it in BookSale. Anyway, i was reading this book and then a paragraph struck me that i know i had to put it as a note or status in my Facebook account, so i did. Little did i know, it sparked and ignited someone's opinion of God. To summarized it, i debated my faith with an atheist. A sad encounter, i must say... but the thing is, i have learned yet again, a valuable lesson; that is to be equipped with God's words so that when that time comes. the time when i have to defend my faith. i can throw in explanations that is founded on God's word.

it's because of WHO you know

As i have implied in my past entries, i am a book lover. i read books for pleasure. i dive in book sales just to get a cheap but timeless book. i am currently collecting the anne of green gables series through Book Sale. but my blog for today will not be about jsut a bookk but of its contents and its message...

I saw a Christian novel last week and bought it because of its cheap price and a bit interesting preview. I have finished Gramercy Park and thought of reading this Christian book. i must stress that my Christian life is rocky at the moment and reading this book, i know, will encourage me again to walk with God. Back to the real story, i'm reading this and came to this part wherein a character says this...

"Christ is the only way." Mo's words brooked no debate. "He's the way , the truth and the life. No man can come to the Father except through Him. It's like, if you wanted to get into a really great concert, you'd have to have a ticket or something, right? But if you don't have a ticket, you have to know the right person to get in. If you know somebody who's,say, in the band, you can go right in, get treated like royalty, enjoy the benefits of being a friend. But you don't get in because of who you are. You get in because of who you know. It's that way with Jesus. We can't get into heaven through Buddha or Hare Krishna or Islam... only through Jesus. If we know Him, we'll get in."

That excerpt was from Terri Blackstock's The Gifted Sophomores.

Anyone who is reading this, may it touch you as it touched me. may it sink in to your heart and embrace the fact that there's no other way but Christ.

To God be the Glory.

just a thought

just a thought.
have you ever noticed that when something becomes so popular, religious people come in the picture and criticize these things? For example, when backstreet boys became a fad here in Phil. their song "As long as love me" receive so much criticism. Do you remember the back masking issue? that when you back mask the song there's a different meaning or interpretation to the song? or some says that something evil is singing instead of the band.. you know things like that...
even if i am doubtful of these criticisms, the main reason why these religious people (well, i know if all of them are sincere religious beings) comment on these fads is because they are hindering us from seeing the true reason of our existence... it's hindering us from seeing who we should be seeing, Someone who retained His popularity for centuries. 
Let's face it. Facebook, youtube, twitter, and other social networking sites distract us from the things that we should be paying attention to...
again, it's just a thought, nothing more, i don't seem to walk my talk anymore... *chuckles*

p&p

When me and the atc girls had our pow wow, i bought a pride and prejudice book. I had to buy it 'cause it is hard-bound and cost less than the brand new books. i'm almost half way through. I'm done reading the part where Mr. Collins got engaged with Charlotte, Lizzy's best bud. Naawa lang ako sa situation ni Charlotte kaya ako nagblog... It made me think of what if's... What if I am like Charlotte...a line from the book struck me, "This preservative she had now obtained; and at the age of twenty-seven, without having ever been handsome, she felt all the good luck of it". It's sad if you're in Charlotte's situation where in you are just settling, instead of being a burden to your family, you'd go and marry someone whom you share no passions with. In our time, you are really lucky if you got married without obligation; arranged marriage, pre-marital pregnancy, and the like. 

They say na you have to wait for the right one, so wag ka muna magmadali. They say na habang hindi pa dumadating si "right one" you go and play muna... Call me old-fashion pero I'd like to wait for Mr. "right one" Mr. "someone i could grow old with" or Mr. "soulmate" *chuckles* 

Anyhoo, I wanted to post my Fire and Ice pics here, but i'm feeling kinda "tamad" na eh so next time nalng.. gotta do my project pa. 

But before i end, i want to say thank you to my ever loving and noisy mom. hehehe. yes, she is noisy, but i guess that's who she is, no point in changing that. I want to say I love you, maski dito lang. Kasi sbi ng office mate ko na mommy na, iba daw ang feeling kapag ung anak nagsabi ng "i love you" sa mom nya. So here it goes, I love you Mom, we've had hard times, and we've made it through so i know we will pass through this one too. (hehehe, in fairness it rhymes) I doubt it if you would read this blog pero gusto ko lang makabawi sayo kasi puro hinanakit ko sayo ang ibang blogs dito.. so aun, thank you, sorry and I love you. 

hey i said it three times! yes! i mean it! :P

till next time,

~anatoots

Yesterday was katrina's bday. We had enormous fun, i was smiling the whole time, laughing even. The food was great! Napakasaya ng gabi na iyon para sa akin, pero habang ako'y nagpapakasaya may isa namang taong nagiisip ng iba o naghihinala sa akin.. feeling nya naglalsing ako, gumagastos ng bonggang bongga at may boyfriend na. To tell you the truth, the said things above are all false. i am not a drukard, i am not a "gastadora" nor am i in a relationship. to make things worst, i was scolded by the time i got back home. now i say to myself, is this really a home? Although i know that she is concerned about my welfare, nafeefeel ko na nakakasakal na ito. hindi mo malaman kung saan ka lulugar, kung saan ka nabibilang, kung saan ka nararapat na pumunta. Marahil ganito ang aking pagiisip dahil sa epekto ng kaguluhan dito sa aking tinitirahan. Ako'y pilit na umiintindi pero di magawang gawin ang aking gusto dahil nauunahan ako ng "pride" or i don't know maybe i'm just a coward. napakaselfish ko. at hindi ko na talaga alam ang gagawin sa buhay ko... kung anong pagaayos pa ang kinakailangan para mabuo ako.. Tila ako'y mamumuhay ng ganito habang buhay... hay.. pero wag naman sana...

it's been a while

hey blog,yes, it's been a while since i last blogged here. i missed blogging... i've been busy with stuff like work and this site.. --->>> www.asiantwicoven.ning.com
it's really a fun site, it's actually a role-playing site, a twilight saga role playing site. this is where i found my twihard friends. lovely meeting , to tell you the truth, the girls and me met in plurk, i was a fan of their site but before that someone from the site invited me to look at the site. so me being the typical twilight fan peeked at their site... and the rest is history, as they say. *chuckles*


Eclipse is drawing near and the best thing a twihard can do is to buy tickets before it's sold out! :D i bought my ticket yesterday... it's a midnight screening on june 29 which means it's actually june 30 morning... anyway, i'm really excited to see Mr. Jasper Hale on screen. he's the person i'm anticipating to see in this movie franchise, not to forget Doc Cullen! oooh! luscious human beings! *drool*


till here, i'll see you on the Eclipse screening! :D

valentine's dinner date by mistressathenodora featuring Versace dresses

my dream valentine outfit..

i was on my way home when i thought of something.. 

my prof discussed to us in our esthetic's class that people from the early cultures even before the egyptians.. bsta ung mga lumang tao.. na fat is beautiful.. kasi nung time na un malamig ung climate nila.. so sculptors fins fat ladies beautiful...

in our day, fat is somehow perceive as unpleasant to the eyes.. while skinny or sexy is  more appreciated. anyway, naisip ko lang.. cguro kaya natin preferred ang skinny kasi mas mabilis tayong gumalaw kapag skinny tayo. eh diba we are living in a fast paced world? cguro like those people long ago, who preferred fat ladies, gusto natin ung mga bagay na kailangan natin. 

ewan ko ah.. pero nabuo ko lang yan sa isip ko at gusto ko lang ibahagi.. hahaha!!!

anyway, that's all for now.. i'll try to blog more often.. okay?! :D

hello blog. you ask where was i these past few days.. hmm.. well, i was invited for an overnight in katrina's new house in quezon.. they said they wanted help for thesis. since, i'm available, i said i would come.. issues started to brew.. i don't know why but  i have doubts myself.. weird lng kasi.. hmm.. anyway, a new revelation dawned to me.. hmm.. how do i explain this,, hmm.. well, to tell you frankly, i have a difficulty in conversing.. although i'm friendly and cheerful, i find it hard to explain myself fully sometimes.. so sometimes i stutter.. sometimes, i tell people the conclusion of what i'm thinking before telling them what i'm thinking.. that's why my friends says i'm weird.. maybe it's the only child syndrome.. weirdness comes naturally.. hahah!!



other things, blog, i want to share with you.. um.. 
1.well, i found different philosophies in my life... heroes will never be heroes without villains or villainous circumstances. - which is true it's like light will not exist without darkness..


2. i was reading dan brown last week or this week i forgot bsta i just finished reading angels and demons. and although it's fiction, i strongly believe that someday God and science will work together. kasi i think science shows us how measly or how tiny our brains can be compared to the glorious brain of God. parang kaya we have science so that we can see that there is a God that made those things..


3. i have a confession to make... well, my daily devotions were not so daily anymore.. it's like once a week or twice a week na... and it's frustrating to know that i have a cell group to handle. it's so hard to tell them na it's really important to have your devotions daily when i myself don't do it. so, i really hope and pray that God will change my daily pattern and allot a time for him... even if it's for just an hour or 30 minutes. i just really want to talk to him for a while. have a deep conversation with him without any hassles.. it's been a while since i talked to him.. and i really miss him.. so much.. it hurts. it hurts to know that anytime you could talk to him but you can;t because of your selfishness and earthly comforts. it sucks that i won't even give him an hour a day but i give facebooking and plurking tons of hours a week.. it's just sad,.. so sad.. i can;t change it if i don't allow God to change me.. but then again, it's the work of the holy spirit that counts...


4. another confession, once i tried to share God's word to my friends but backed out at the last minute.. i don't know why i chickened out.. and it's such a shame, God has given me opportunity and i just tossed it away.. i tossed it away 3 times.. it's sad isn't it.. now i wonder, will God give me another opportunity?


5. i wonder if i'm really good for my course.. or if i am meant to be in my course... my head seems to function more slowly.. hehe.. 


wow. it seems i'm writing a long blog.. anyway, head's too fuzzy to continue.. imma get some sleep.. see ya later blog.. miss me.. heehee!!!

last blog for 2009

What a way to end the year! hahah! blogging and facebooking! hahhaha!!

i was on a leadership training or retreat on the 29th til today. i got home around 3pm. Fun, is a word i could use to describe retreats but this one was more than fun, rather it's a test of perseverance. why do i say it's a test of perseverance?  for one, we were not prepared physically, sleep-deprived, and we haven't read what we were supposed to have read. with that being said, domino effect occurs. sleep deprivation added to the burden of the sessions, which was tackling the history of Christianity. although i'm a fan of history, my eyes weren't up to the job. 

so here i am, trying to "blog off" my feelings for the extracurricular events happened during our retreat. i'm now in a struggling mode with myself, the things i have learned in the retreat and the things i want to do for the year 2010.


first off, i want to share what i've learned in the retreat. being a leader is serious business. you have to put others before yourself because you know that God wants you to. it's hard considering that you must leave your bubble in order to please a Loving God, but worth trying.  i've realized that what i'm doing in my cell group is not the way God wants me to do, i must thrive for knowledge and wisdom, dig deep through facts and pursue details.
i've been pretty off in my spiritual life last month and this month, and to be honest, i'm not sure if i can pull it up, but i'm sure God can.  so, next year,2010, i'll devote myself in praying for a spiritual climb or any sort of elevation. 


gosh! i must finish this blog before 12midnight, lest the purpose of the last blog in 2009. hahah!


things i should have written left my mind while i was playing facebook. i hope i'll remember them before 2009 ends. haha! but i don't think i will. haha! anyway, i thank God for a pretty eventful year, sad, but inspiring and harsh but hopeful. i'm not proud of the wrong things i've done, so i say sorry to God, but i'm proud of how things turned out after my mistakes, because every mistake i've made added to the things i've learned in 2009. thank God for the people who stood by me. 
i'll spare you the melodrama by stopping here, the fireworks are starting.. so here's to a great 2009, may we have an even better 2010! make room for improvement! woohoo! God bless us!! happy new year! cheers!

i feel so miserable. kanina pumasok nanaman sa isip ko ung pagpapakamatay. i know it's a sign of cowardice pero nakakapagod na eh. di ko na alam gagwin ko sa buhay ko. naguguluhan na utak ko. un gmga kinakapitan ko binibitawan na ako.ung mga gusto ko sana mainitindihan nila ako, napagod na sa kakaintindi. nakakapagod na din kasi eh. palaging ganito nalang.


ang hirap maging mabuti or maging mabait. mas madaling maging masama. 


di ko nanaman alam kung anong isusulat ko kasi hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nagkakaganito. ilang beses na akong nakakapagdisapoint ng tao. actually palagi nalang eh. i'm a dissapointment. 


kanina, dapat nagchurch ako, kumain ng lunch with church, at nagpractice with drama team. pero lahat un nauwi sa pagstay ko sa bahay. ang hirap ng compromise. it's either you choose the one side or the other. 


minsan nakakainis isipin ung mga ginagawa mo sa tao na hindi naman sinasadya pero iisipan ka agad nila ng masama. nakakainis din kapag nangyayari sayo ung ginawa mo sa ibang tao. nakakainis din umintindi sa mga taong hindi naman kayang uminti ng iba. sumasakit na ulo ko! 


kaya nga mas masarap matulog eh. at least nandun ka sa mundo mo, walang gagambala sayo. managinip ka man at least controlado parin ng utak mo. magkamali ka man sa panginip mo hindi maapektuhan ang ibang tao. pero pag sa totoong buhay. isang pagkakamali mo lang , iba na tingin sayo ng ibang tao. isang maliit na pagkakamali mo lang ayaw na nila sayo.


sa kaso ko naman, paulit ulit nang pagkakamai ang nagawa ko. nakakpagod na noh? pero wala, ganun talaga ako. kaya nga h indi ako deserving sa mga binigay sakin ng Diyos eh. hindi ako deserving magkaroon ng kaibigan kasi wala naman ako nagagwa para saknila. pabigat lang ako sa mga taong nakapaligid sakin. mabubuhay naman sila ng wala ako. kaya bakit pa ako nandito sa mundo? 


salamat nalang sa mga friends ko namagaling makisama. salamat sa pagtitiyaga. salamat sa pamilya ko na pinagtityagaan ako ng 20 na taon. tip ko lang sainyo, kung pabigat na ako, patayin niyo nalang ako at least di na kayo gagastos ng mas malaki. ok lang sa kin cremation. maski wag nyo na akong iburol diretsong libing na, ok lang un. 


sa bawat halakhak na bitawan ng bunganga ko... isang dagok ng matalim na kutsilyo sa puso ko. 


gulong gulo na utak ko, may tutulong pa ba sakin ngayong alam nyo na ang tunay kong ugali? ngayong nadissapoint na kayo? ngayong  pagod na kayo sa pagiintindi? hopeless na noh? sorry nalng.. sorry nalang din sakin... 
bye

I was browsing through the internet for quotes i'd like to share on my plurk and twitter. first, i searched for quotes on loneliness then for love. ahahah!! it's so cliche. hahaha! a teenager's life full of loneliness and searching for love. hahaha! i know! anyway, i came upon 2 quotes about love... one says,"There isn't any formula or method. You learn to love by loving.- Aldous Huxley"  and the other one is," Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.- Antoine de Saint-Exupery"  The first one I agree, the second one made me think, and also agree that love can't be journeyed by one but two people. they say that it takes two to tango. hahaha! i know, another cliche. 

in my opinion, love is over-rated. teens go gaga for what they think is love but truly, only an infatuation. i don't blame them i was a teen once, so i know how it feels. well, although "over-rated" seems a bit harsh for love, i think it's still over estimated. and i truly think that, we should think that. love is easy to grab but difficult to maintain. when you get married, the true test lies after the ceremony. couples sometimes go out of their focus and peek at their sides. couples, how different they may be from each other, even if the universe is tearing them apart, if they are bonded by God, they must try their hardest to maintain in their relationship, or maintain their focus. for the sake of love's honor. that's why it saddens me when celebrities just marry and divorce after a few weeks or worst! days! 

i don't know why i sudden;y blogged about love and relationships. hmm... life hasn't  been that great for me, a lot of downs and a few ups. my wheel keeps on turning, navigated by the one Whose love never fails me. the world will constantly fail my expectation and will fail to understand me, but Jesus would not ever will fail me. I may fail Him, but He won't, that's why trusting Him must be easy for me. but i am boarding at this world, adapting it's lifestyle, i can drown in doubts and despair, what keeps me sane and alive is God. i don't know how long i must hold on, but all the Christians focus on one thing, the ultimate thing that sets us apart from the world;Jesus Christ and the hope that one day we may be with each other.

okay! here i go again. This is the continuation of my previous blog which was not finished because of my mood swing. hahha!!


My best friends and I went out last Sunday for some catching up and for a review session. my best friends, are going to take up  NMATH, an examinations for those who are going to pursue a career in medicine or those who wants to  be a doctor, that's why they planned a review session. anyway, they were discussing about how would their life be after they've passed the exams. Christianne said that someone told her that if she has any plans of having a family while studying med , she must abandon it. not only is med toxic but also life with it would mean social life devoid. Jawn on the other hand had set her mind in pursuing that career. well, i admire them for doing something to make their dreams possible. Anyway, when i got home, i was thinking of my future and the things i want to pursue. one thing i know i would like to be doing is to pursue a career related to my course. then, i thought of graduate school. i really want to improve my english because i really love and worship that subject. unfortunately, the subject is something that i do well, not pretty well, but just well. i still don't know all the kinks and high faluting words there is but i'm willing to learn them. haha! in my line of possible works, being fluent in english would mean more edge and the possibility of being hired. anyway, what i'm getting at is i want to study after i graduate. weird enough, students like myself would want to settle for a job but i prefer studying more before i plunge into the world full of deviousness and malice. yes, that's what i think of this world. it's full of shit. it's stinking really bad and rotting. 
this entry is a bit personal 'cause it talks about what i want for my future. but i couldn't care less if it does, because i know few people would read this. maybe none at all. hahaha! anyway, back to what i want to do after i graduate... the plans i have would be, 1st, get a job to sustain our daily expenses, then, pay of the debts me and mom has, and then try to save up for a house, not rental but real estate. along with those things, i plan to help achie cherry for shobe's tuition fee. if possible, i would save up for a piano maski upright lang ok na! hahah! then of course, serve God through my career by donating to the church. hhahahah!!! 
they say that money makes the world go round. i say, God does. hehehe. so if it is God 's will for me to achieve all the plans i've made, then good! i just want my life to glorify God to the fullest. 
God bless all the people i know. May God grant us peace and joy throughout our journey in glorifying His name. To God be the glory!

before i do my research on my textile design plate, i'm gonna do my blog first. hehehe!
so, i just thought of pakikisama and pampapaplastik. both has something to do with people... i'm just wondering if there's a real pakikisama nowadays? i mean, some people are really phony, only few can you call genuine friends... this thought i plurked earlier, and a friend of mine said that genuine pakikisama is chill lang, ung nuetral lang at marunong makisakay. well, i agree with him. wala lng just thought of this ridiculous issue. hehehe!

i'm looking forward to our "Paskuhan" in UST. it's campus wide Christmas party for Thomasians. I wonder which bands are going to play. last year Bamboo was our main act and we were at the front row so we really enjoyed his performance. heheh!

so much for an update. hahah! ilang paragraph lng. next time nlng, nawala ung mood ko sa pagblog eh. hahha!!!