All Heroes please apply

 

Quoting Ms. Jenna Hamilton in Awkward, “ … in need of saving. All heroes please apply.”

I am such a lost soul and any help would be gladly welcomed.

I’m blogging again because I watched “Awkward”, influence of Ms. Jenna Hamilton. I can’t believe that all she’d gone through would be possible in real life. It’s a fairytale, but then, it’s just a series so it’s all made up.  I’m still swooning over Matty. Every girl wants to make a good boy out of a bad boy and every boy wants to see some bad-assness in a good girl. I don’t think I’ve phrased that well, but you get the picture.

So why am I blogging again? I feel small. I’m not overly fond of my job, I feel inferior to my high school and church friends and I think my spiritual life is going down hill. I can honestly say that I still believe in Christ and all the glorious things attached to Him, I am just becoming too worldly. I am a naïve being, trying to find inspiration in this fucked up world, trying to see the beauty in living. I am a girl who is now facing a fork in the road, looking at faceless options, afraid of leaping.

I am still the girl who finds it hard to fully trust people, her heart was programed to give them a “benefit of the doubt” but her brain tells her to do otherwise. A girl who is in denial even though she subconsciously knows the answer to her questions. A girl who is battling with her inner conscience, battling the fears of pretentious faces and hard biting truths.

Thus, I need a hero.

I need someone to tell me how to straighten out this mess. Someone who’ll go through the process WITH me. I know you’ll tell me that I have friends and family, but I wouldn’t be asking now if they were there for me, wouldn’t I? I am not implying that they are not reaching out, I am merely pointing out that they are the types who’ll listen, I mean it’s good… but I need an understanding ear. An ear who knows what I’ve been going through. There might be some who are reaching out but  I don’t think I’m trusting them enough. Hence, my contradictory and clouded thoughts.

I am not satisfied with where I am right now, so I am calling out for help. Any heroes with supersensitive hearing or empathetic abilities to radar a crying heart?

Please. please apply.