My 2017 was a rich year. I was not prosperous with material things but with heart aches, trials, and hopelessness. But as my life verse says, "Wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart; wait for the Lord." It is God's plans that will prevail, what we can only do is trust Him, His timing, and His process.
Last year was hard for me, I had friends who drifted away from me, friends who geographically moved, and friends who sought different priorities. It was a lonely year, I wanted to reach out to my friends and tell them I am at a low point, but at the same time, I am afraid that I will only burden them with my "drama" as some would say, but God was still gracious because He kept a few close friends nearby, which is another testament of His provision. He knew that I would hide it so He used these close friends to be my support.
In summary, my heart was aching and thirsting for the Lord in 2017, I became working for the Lord instead of enjoying Him as I serve. Ministries became chores, and soon enough, I realized I was burnt out. I ached for a mentor, and still the Lord has not given me one. But who am I to ask? When He has already given Jesus.
But my human nature yearns for a mentor. Someone who would stick for a long time, because I have been through a lot of mentor or leaders in my lifetime, and I have not severed ties with them, but no one ever sticked through like Paul and Timothy's mentorship. Sure, I may have mentors who gave an enormous impact in my Christian life but nobody was persistent enough to still look out for me. Maybe because some of these people were meant to just passed by in my life. I do not know. I am thankful for them no matter what, but I really want to have a mentor.
As my 2018 progresses, I am humbled to know that God used my 2017 to impress some lessons on me. He reminded me to depend on Him in everything, to always always give thanks whether I am on my highs or lows, to always cling on the hope that is in Jesus Christ.
I remembered asking God in my prayers, how to deny myself and follow Him. Last year, I slowly understood what it meant to deny myself and follow Him. Obedience is hard but when you learn who you really are obeying then, it is no task at all. Obedience turns to love. You obey because you love.
I was broken hearted last year, but it was rewarding to know that I did nothing. It was all God's grace and mercy that made me hope. It was all Jesus who gave me the strength to go on, and it was Jesus who taught me how to still sing amidst the storms.
My prayer is that I can continually sing in the diffent kinds of storms that is coming. I am sure they are coming, and when they arrive, may my voice ring out one name only, Jesus.
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