Thursday, January 31, 2013

Awkward, bun head, scared and free

 

Every time I watch an episode of MTV’s Awkward, I am motivated to blog. One reason is that I love Jenna’s play of words, so I commend whoever is the writer of the series. Another reason is that my mind goes to different places after I watch it, a lot of pondering happens. I had the same feeling with One Tree Hill but I was not big on blogging in those days, or was I?

Anyhoo, (change of topic) I want my hair to grow long so I can do a messy bun, and then I can shave my head again when summer starts. But I have a bigger dilemma than that.

This is my last day at work and I’m scared of what will happen next, mostly because of financial strains. I should say that I regret leaving my job without a new job offer, but I am not, I shouldn’t be, because I am going to use this time not only to find myself again but to shape myself up for another chapter of my life. I need to do this because I can’t lean on the people around me as often as I do. I need to be independent. I need to do this by myself or else I won’t learn. And while typing that, I’m beginning to see myself wanting to prove something. And maybe, that’s true, I want to prove something but most of all, I want a job that I love. A job that will be motivating me to wake up in the morning. A job that will give me a feeling of self-fulfillment.

I might be asking too much considering the job crisis in the country, but I cannot just stand by and watch life fly by, knowing that I have so much to offer. I have to step out of my comfort zone and start doing something. Something fulfilling. Something I love.

But then, only if God wills it. This is my cry and I pray that God will guide me.