Monday, November 5, 2012

Birthday Cake Pt. 2

My wish of having cakes on my birthday was fulfilled. I could not ask for more. I should be satisfied because I’ve said that as long as I have cakes on my birthday, it would be fine.

I’m not.

You see, I wished for a peaceful and simple and intimate birthday celebration with my family. I did get that at the eve of my birthday but on the day of my birthday, I can’t help but feel sad. I should blame my PMS but my birthday is just a realization that I haven’t grown well. That I have so much to learn and yet I want my life to end.

I’m so disappointed with my life and my family. We claim to be Christians but we don’t exemplify the qualities God wants us to  portray.

Before you continue reading, you must understand that I have no intention in besmirching the name of my family nor my relatives. I am merely stating the truth that is reveal in front of me. Should any of the words, phrases, or sentences were proven false, I’d gladly extract it from this blog. If proven true, it would remain.

Let me start with my mother and her siblings.

I was in high school when I saw the drift starting. The first time it dawned to me that the siblings were displaying the lust for money. It was normal for siblings to fight over money and have their ties destroyed by money. That happens in the world that we live in. everybody wants to be on top, everybody wants to be favored, everyone wants to be number one.

Then came college, the drift was farther than before. Backstabbing has been a way of life. One would toy with the each others’ emotions, One would say something bad about the other one just so he/she can be favored. I may have not seen a real war, but for me, this is one of the longest I’ve seen. Anyone would so anything to survive, even take sides. You are alone if you don’t have money. That’s how it is with my mother and her siblings (exclude the eldest). “Kapit sa patalim” Kung sino ang mayaman, doon lalapit, doon magpapabango, doon kakapit. Balimbing na kung balimbing.

What bothers me most is their relationship with each other. It has been governed by money. The way they see life is disconcerting. Their minds closed because of pride.

One thing I have been thankful for is my relationship with my cousins. Unlike my mother and her siblings, my cousins have open minds.

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I’m tired and it’s past my bed time.. my story is still unfinished, I have more to tell about my family, but it’s so depressing that I have to put it off for a while.

As usual, I’ll just sleep this off and distract myself. All I can do for now… is pray. Until I’m on my two feet again.