Am I depressed?

 

I think I have a mild depression problem, or I just think I have one?

Here are the classic symptoms according to WebMD and HelpGuide.org

• sadness or depressed mood most of the day or almost every day
• loss of enjoyment in things that were once pleasurable
• major change in weight (gain or loss of more than 5% of weight within a month) or appetite 
• insomnia or excessive sleep almost every day
• physically restless or rundown that is noticeable by others
• fatigue or loss of energy almost every day
• feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness or excessive guilt almost every day
• problems with concentration or making decisions almost every day
• recurring thoughts of death or suicide, suicide plan, or suicide attempt

 

It says that when you have at least five of those you have the classic major depression illness. Let’s see my checklist.

• Yes, I get depressed almost everyday especially when I’m home. I listen to music or read a book when I’m down.
• I couldn’t think of any “loss of enjoyment” at the moment, but I don’t think this symptom applies to me.
• Major change in weight? I have to check this with our measuring scale. But definitely loss in appetite. There are times when I don’t feel like eating.
• I oversleep almost everyday. For the past months, I have been late for work and I have been trying to wake up early, but I just can’t. I can’t help it.
• physically restless? Um, I don’t think so.. but I’m itching for a new job. I don’t think people will notice me either.
• fatigue, yes I feel tired, but it’s normal because I go to work.
• feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness, and guilt almost everyday, yes. Proof? Look at my plurk updates.
• problems with concentration? yes. That is when you have social networks around you. I can make decisions. But I have very poor memory.
• recurring thoughts of suicide… yes. The only thing stopping me is my faith in Christ.

I guess I only have the mild case of depression… *shrugs*

Friday BS

 

I have to say that this is not about anyone’s bullshit that was made on a Friday. BS stands for Bible Study. I know you are about to click the exit button from the moment you saw the word “bible”. And I’m not sure if you have religious allergies or not, but I’m pretty sure you know where this is going.

First things first. What we have been discussing in our Bible Study these past weeks? It was about the Indescribable magnitude of God’s awesomeness. Our little human minds cannot fathom nor grasp the enormous knowledge thrust to us by our Heavenly Father through his unworldly works. What am I saying? Fire up Google and search for “the universe”. Who says science and religion cannot work together? Just the mere photo of the sun makes us wonder who our God really is.

Our BS group have been watching two films about the earth, the universe, and the human body. The speaker explained to us how far the earth is to its neighboring galaxies and how big the stars around it. He clarified that they were not the twinkle twinkle “little” star we used to sing in our nursery years, but humongous entities floating in the universe, gazillions larger than the earth. The sun, as he implied, was a speck of dust, considering that the earth is millions smaller than the sun. We are infinitesimal, teeny-weeny, insignificant organism in God’s grandiose artwork. If I were to compare the Universe and the unexplored heavenly bodies out there to a canvass painting, we, the human beings are not in the picture. We are not even in the filament of the strands of the canvass. We are insignificant, and yet, we are considered miracles.

Yes, I am on my way to telling you that you are special. We, the infinitesimal, teeny-weeny, not even a speck of dust, insignificant beings of the earth, are special. God made sure that we are special. We are tiny organisms that was designed by an awesome God with epic designs and details. Even our chromosomes were designed perfectly and intricately by God.

Here’s an interesting piece of trivia that will baffle you.Google search the word, laminin. Well, okay, searched it for you…

 

So what does it tells us? Like I told you earlier, God designed us intricately and knows us by each cell, particle, and molecule. He even designed a detailed and scientific proof of the uniqueness of each human being, and that is by looking into our DNAs.

For how many millennia has God reassured us of his unending love for us. He even declared it through his Son, Jesus Christ, yet we think that He is not good for us. Why? We have our own reasons. But you know, God is not a quitter. He will never ever quit on us. He will always give us an option to make a U-turn. His arms are always open.

Patience, wait, hope, golf ball, Sirius, Canus Majoris, Pollux, earth, sun, empire state building ; these are the random words that I got out of the video. Conclusion? God gives strength to those who wait and hope. He does not promise a smooth sailing journey, nor a 5-star treatment from the people around you, but He promised to give you the strength to keep you going on, for you to keep moving forward, and forward, and forward, and forward, until the day of our reunion with Him. That promise still stands.

Untitled

 

I was watching Life As We Know It and some guy said something like raising a kid is the most married thing you can get. I was thinking, well, maybe wondering, what if I had a father? What would my life be? Would I see my parents have petty fights? Or would I still be an only child? Would they be all lovey dovey and I’ll go and say “get a room?” Would my father be committed to my mom? What would I call my father?

But those questions will be left unanswered because I don’t have any plans of looking for my father. For all I know, he might be dead. *shrugs* I won’t mess the life of his family nor his children and I expect them to the same. It’s sad that I never got to meet him.

And before I get depressed… I will now read “The Mark of Athena”.

I miss you and it hurts.

 

Dear friend,

Have you watched “Perks of being a wallflower”? I have, and I cried. I know how Charlie felt but unlike him, I have friends.

I know that you do not read any of my blogs so I’m writing what I feel here. I know that this is a cowardly move, but I cannot tell you myself, because I cannot express it verbally.

I want to tell you that I miss you so so so much that it hurts. It might be the hormones talking but I’ve felt it before I PMS’ed, so I think this is a valid rant. I know that it Is not your fault that we don’t go out that much, that we don’t hangout that much, that you have a boyfriend, that we only talk about maybe 20 minutes a week or maybe less… I don’t blame you. Life has caught up with us and I can understand that. I just miss you.

Friend, I feel left out and I am depressed. I may not look like it but I feel like shit. I feel like a hypocrite. I always feel cheerful when my friends are around, but when I ‘m home and alone with my thoughts, I’m sad. You told me that you noticed that I get silent when we are with some of our friends, and I can’t tell you why. Well, I tried telling you but I couldn’t explain it properly. I get quiet because of the things that goes on in my head. Sometimes I think that the conversation is shallow, sometimes I think I cannot keep up, sometimes I think that you don’t need my opinion, and I’m sure there are some other reasons that I can’t remember.

I shouldn’t be feeling like this because I know that God loves an insignificant teeny wee and little being like me, but I couldn’t help it. I just feel that the world would be better off without me. I have thought about this a dozen times and I did nothing good with the world. The world does not need another sinner, another being who does not exude the qualities of a good and perfect Christian. I am a mass of disappointment.

I really wish that I would just stop thinking of these things, but I could not tune it out. Well, maybe I could, but only by reading and watching movies/series and thinking about God.

If you have watched Perks of being a wallflower, Charlie and I have something in common. We overthink and we get depressed.

If the forces of the world conspired to make you read this, then you know how I felt. The next time we meet I’ll just act as if you haven’t read this and that I did not blogged this. We would go on as if nothing happened, it would be easier that way.

Love,

Annie

MUSE - live at iTunes Festival

I have mentioned that I love MUSE, right? I'll cut to the chase and I will just post their epicness here. Enjoy!

Truth is I posted it here for bookmarking purposes. hehe. :3

Suits

I started watching this series last week and my adoration for Suits levels with BBC’s Sherlock! <3 I’m definitely digging the “Brain is the new sexy” line. I have also started fan-girling and I cropped these animated gifs that I got from Google and made it into icons/avatars. (Thank you Google!)

It’s official. Harvey Specter is my new Sherlock.

     

 

More Harvey-licious avatars to come!

I almost forgot about the pictures from my Effie trinket cosplay… let’s just say that I will post my cosplay pictures here when I feel satisfied with it.

Toodles! Will watch Suits again! Accio January 2013!!!