Friday, February 5, 2016

Why Am I Doing These?

The start of my year was already a rollercoaster ride. I began the year with my hands full. I had to juggle my ministries, my sideline, my coffee dates, dinner dates, catch up dates, and my family. I am still figuring out how to spread myself.
But that’s the point. I am spreading myself waaaay too thin. And I still don’t know how to NOT spread myself thin.

I want to rest from all of it. I am tired.

But one devo struck me… I shouldn’t grumble. I should be thankful for this opportunity. These are blessings and avenues for me to know more and serve the One who I love and who loves me dearly.

So why am getting weary and anxious?

Maybe I am focused on the wrong things. Maybe I am focused on getting things done, I am focused on the people I have to meet, I am focused on the things I have to earn and on the things I have to give. I have forgotten the REASON why I am doing all these things.

“Why am I doing these things?”

That question is an indicator that I am getting anxious or I am losing my source of inspiration. That question indicates that I have forgotten yet again Who my source of strength should be.

I became egoistic and I started to rely on my strength. But even though I did what I can my efforts were meaningless because the motivation was wrong.
Failures came. I beat myself up for setting high standards. But I saw things that I wasn’t able to see before. I was able to see how God works through failures and our broken expectations. God lets you see your weaknesses and reminds you that He is in control. He also lets you see the beauty of having a church. That even though there were a lot of misunderstandings, God was still able to show the goodness in people. God makes people understand each other’s shortcomings by showing you your shortcomings as well and therefore we should be forgiving. I have learned to forgive myself and forgive others because I have seen how God’s mercy worked through all of those failures.

I do not want my weakness to be excuses. I want my weaknesses to be revealed and the works of God magnified.