Hello again, precious blog. I have been gone for a month or so. Now, let me tell you what happened since I last blogged.
Let’s start with the bad news…
I had a mild depression for two weeks. Although, this was self-proclaimed, I’d still like to think it was the two of my most saddest week in my entire life. I had difficulty in eating, I preferred sleeping most of the time, and I had negative thoughts that led me into doing things I’m not proud of. My family did not know about this, until one day, I combusted. To put it mildly, I had a bout of drama with my mom for a day.
That was probably the “dark ages” of my life, but it wasn’t for nothing. Remember what they said about being at your lowest point, that when you are in your lowest point and when you couldn’t see a thing, there’s no other way but to look up.
Look up, I did.
I saw God and His awesome grace.
No, I didn’t see God in the flesh, nor did I see a blinding ray of light, rather I saw God through a reminder from a bible verse.
"My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in."
--- Proverbs 3:11-12
I forgot what led me to this verse but it shook me out of my shell. It made me realize of the things that I should have been doing, things that should have been doing for His glory not mine. I was reminded of who I was, that I am a follower of Christ, therefore making me one of God’s sons and daughters. I am loved by God and that alone humbled me. I was thinking way ahead of myself, I was polluting my mind with negative thoughts that I have forgotten how God has disciplined me. I have forgotten that I have asked God for a hard life if it would mean that I would be closer to Him, and He granted it, in some way my miniscule mind could process.
Patience and humility, these were the two things I have learned from the “dark ages” of my life. God has taught me once again what it is like to wait for His answer. He has refreshed my poor memory on what it is like to rely on Him. I think He saw that I was puffing my chest too much that He decided to knock me off my feet.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. – 2 Corinthians 12:9
I know that this is a very familiar verse among Christians, but sometimes, it’s so familiar that we have forgotten the meaning behind it. God has reminded me yet again that I am nothing without Him. That a bow would not function well if it has no arrow. And as I continue to ponder on that thought, he has given me sources and guides on how to walk with Him once again.
My best friend could attest to this, that I have been more attentive when I go to church on Sundays than the past Sundays of the month before. I used to be sleepy especially when the speaker was stammering or was going in circles. I usually ask her for candies or a pen just to avoid sleeping in the church. But until those two low weeks, I have been reminded (you would get tired of hearing the word reminded because I’ve really been reminded of a lot of things) that no matter who the speaker was/is, always, ALWAYS remember that God is talking to you and you have to carefully listen.
God has his unusual way of reminding us of the lessons that we have learned before and have forgotten. What I like about this renewed relationship with was that it wasn’t' because of an event from the church, it was intimate because it was between God and me.
Anyhoo, now for the good news…
I have a job. yay!
I am working in a Photography company as their Graphic Artist and so far, I am enjoying it because the way I see it,my goal and the company’s seemed aligned. They wanted to glorify God through their work and I wanted to glorify God in my work too, so it’s a win-win situation? My only fear is I might be in my comfort zone… since most of my co-workers know Christ, but it’s still too early.
I have mentioned this before to my friends that I wanted to be in the “event planning” business because I wanted to be behind the scenes or a part of that joyous occasion that would be immortalized in their memories and in their photographs. I wanted to see people happy because everything went well, that they enjoyed that moment because the event went smoothly, that they didn’t think of anything but to enjoy the reunion between friends and family.
I am beginning to love my job because somehow that is what I’m doing with my work. I edit their photographs from their event, layout it, and I sometimes put a bible verse, depends on the client which layout they choose, then send them for approval. In one way, I am still a part of the “immortalization” of that joyous occasion, I may still be a part of that occasion or be the girl behind the beautiful layout their album has. I only hope they like my style…
Now, what am I driving at? My title says “don’t just do it” because many times have I “just done it” because someone said I should do it. Many times I have read the bible just because I need to read it. Many times I have helped out in the church’s ministries because I need to. Those were the times when I have lost the joy in serving God, that I have forgotten the reason why I was doing those things.
Do things for a reason. Better yet, do things for God’s glory.
Nothing compares to the feeling that you have made something for God, not because He requires it but because you love Him so much that you could only offer menial tithes and you know in your heart that God would be somehow pleased (but you wouldn’t really know because you’re not God.)
Nothing beats the humbling feeling, when you know that in your heart you are doing something for God.