Longing

Longing 

This cruel longing have started again
When it has barely healed from the pain
Many times I’ve asked, “What will I gain?”
This cruel longing is driving me insane
 I’ve lost focus on the true prize
To be a faithful follower in His eyes
This painful longing, please take it away
So that I can enjoy Your presence everyday

This year, I have I told myself (and some of my friends) that I will focus on my career and my ministries with God, next year na ang love life. I told myself that I would not be "kilig" for my crushes nor am I going to have a new one. And now, I don't know, I am being tempted to lose focus again. But I will pray for it, and I hope you will pray for me too, whoever you are or wherever you are. Thanks!

God is at work

There are no accidents when God is at work. You might have met an old friend earlier or maybe thought of a colleague earlier. I tell you, that was no accident. God must have put them on your way or on your mind for a special reason.

As you might have known, I am working in a Christian company. Every first Tuesday of the month we have a fellowship called “Big Group.” It began with worshipping God with songs then someone would speak. This month’s topic was Evangelism, and I am reminded of why I was called to be a Christian. I was reminded of the love that God wanted us to share with everybody. I was reminded of planting the seed even though you’re not certain who will reap. I was reminded that every living breath is an opportunity to share God’s love.

I am still thinking of the reason why God brought me to this company. He might be thinking that I was becoming stagnant with my walk with Him. Maybe, this is one of my answered prayers because I could faintly remember that I prayed for a sound walk with Him. I really don’t know what’s in God’s mind, but one thing I’m certain of… He is with me wherever this life takes me, He knows me, and He will be with me until the end of time. The clarity of His love is solid.

God is at work as I type this. I should have been sleeping but I was inspired to write about Him and His grace. I forgot to mention that I was in the music team of the company I’m working at and earlier, at the “big Group” sinspiration, we were worrying because we had only a day of practice. We were not prepared mentally for it, but through God’s grace and guidance we were able to lead the people to singing praises for Him. It was really a humbling moment because we all knew that we weren’t prepared, our fingers were fumbling, the keyboard was having weird noises, the lead guitar was having technical problems, some of the music equipment were not working, yet the people were singing, so all praises to God because he answered our prayers before we played in the sinspiration. It was so humbling to be used by God. I just couldn’t stop praising Him because He has been gracious to me, to all of us in the music team. God knew our shortcomings and still, however broken or unpracticed we were, He used us. He could have picked a better instrumentalist but He chose us. My theory was He chose us because He wanted us to learn from this experience, so that one day we could include it in our testimonies of His greatness and His grace.

I haven’t been this enthusiastic since… I couldn’t remember, but really,  I just wanted to praise God through this blog post and I hope that whoever you are, to you who have read this blog… if you ever wanted to talk about God, share anything about your life, do not hesitate to contact me, I’d love to hear about you and how has God worked in your life.

All glory to God.

Don’t just do it

 

Hello again, precious blog. I have been gone for a month or so. Now, let me tell you what happened since I last blogged.

Let’s start with the bad news…

I had a mild depression for two weeks. Although, this was self-proclaimed, I’d still like to think it was the two of my most saddest week in my entire life. I had difficulty in eating, I preferred sleeping most of the time, and I had negative thoughts that led me into doing things I’m not proud of. My family did not know about this, until one day, I combusted. To put it mildly, I had a bout of drama with my mom for a day.

That was probably the “dark ages” of my life, but it wasn’t for nothing. Remember what they said about being at your lowest point, that when you are in your lowest point and when you couldn’t see a thing, there’s no other way but to look up.

Look up, I did.

I saw God and His awesome grace.

No, I didn’t see God in the flesh, nor did I see a blinding ray of light, rather I saw God through a reminder from a bible verse.

"My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in."
--- Proverbs 3:11-12

I forgot what led me to this verse but it shook me out of my shell. It made me realize of the things that I should have been doing, things that should have been doing for His glory not mine. I was reminded of who I was, that I am a follower of Christ, therefore making me one of God’s sons and daughters. I am loved by God and that alone humbled me. I was thinking way ahead of myself, I was polluting my mind with negative thoughts that I have forgotten how God has disciplined me. I have forgotten that I have asked God for a hard life if it would mean that I would be closer to Him, and He granted it, in some way my miniscule mind could process.

Patience and humility, these were the two things I have learned from the “dark ages” of my life. God has taught me once again what it is like to wait for His answer. He has refreshed my poor memory on what it is like to rely on Him. I think He saw that I was puffing my chest too much that He decided to knock me off my feet.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. – 2 Corinthians 12:9

I know that this is a very familiar verse among Christians, but sometimes, it’s so familiar that we have forgotten the meaning behind it. God has reminded me yet again that I am nothing without Him. That a bow would not function well if it has no arrow. And as I continue to ponder on that thought, he has given me sources and guides on how to walk with Him once again.

My best friend could attest to this, that I have been more attentive when I go to church on Sundays than the past Sundays of the month before. I used to be sleepy especially when the speaker was stammering or was going in circles. I usually ask her for candies or a pen just to avoid sleeping in the church. But until those two low weeks, I have been reminded (you would get tired of hearing the word reminded because I’ve really been reminded of a lot of things) that no matter who the speaker was/is, always, ALWAYS remember that God is talking to you and you have to carefully listen.

God has his unusual way of reminding us of the lessons that we have learned before and have forgotten. What I like about this renewed relationship with was that it wasn’t' because of an event from the church, it was intimate because it was between God and me.

Anyhoo, now for the good news…

I have a job. yay!

I am working in a Photography company as their Graphic Artist and so far, I am enjoying it because the way I see it,my goal and the company’s seemed aligned. They wanted to glorify God through their work and I wanted to glorify God in my work too, so it’s a win-win situation? My only fear is I might be in my comfort zone… since most of my co-workers know Christ, but it’s still too early.

I have mentioned this before to my friends that I wanted to be in the “event planning” business because I wanted to be behind the scenes or a part of that joyous occasion that would be immortalized in their memories and in their photographs. I wanted to see people happy because everything went well, that they enjoyed that moment because the event went smoothly, that they didn’t think of anything but to enjoy the reunion between friends and family.

I am beginning to love my job because somehow that is what I’m doing with my work. I edit their photographs from their event, layout it, and I sometimes put a bible verse, depends on the client which layout they choose, then send them for approval. In one way, I am still a part of the “immortalization” of that joyous occasion, I may still be a part of that occasion or be the girl behind the beautiful layout their album has. I only hope they like my style…

Now, what am I driving at? My title says “don’t just do it” because many times have I “just done it” because someone said I should do it. Many times I have read the bible just because I need to read it. Many times I have helped out in the church’s ministries because I need to. Those were the times when I have lost the joy in serving God, that I have forgotten the reason why I was doing those things.

Do things for a reason. Better yet, do things for God’s glory.

Nothing compares to the feeling that you have made something for God, not because He requires it but because you love Him so much that you could only offer menial tithes and you know in your heart that God would be somehow pleased (but you wouldn’t really know because you’re not God.)

Nothing beats the humbling feeling, when you know that in your heart you are doing something for God.

Such joy.

Counting Stars

 

Lately, I've been, I've been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby, I've been, I've been praying hard,
Said, no more counting dollars
We'll be, we'll be counting stars

--- Counting Stars, One Republic

 

Yes, lately I’ve been sleeping irregularly. I’m also dreaming about the things that could be. And I have been praying hard, I’m not counting dollars and definitely not counting stars, though I wish I could.

Why quote the song? It’s a funny story really. I had breakfast with one of my best friends and we talked about books and music. Then, she recommended me some albums including “Native” by One Republic, particularly one song called “Counting Stars”, so we went to her house and she made me listen to it as I transferred some files from her laptop to mine. As the time passed by, we talked about many things and then the song on our background suddenly popped in my ear.

I exclaimed, “Hey, I know this song, I’ve heard it somewhere.”

Then, my best friend laughed and said, “Ana, this song has been playing on the loop.”

So yeah, it was quite embarrassing but it’s quite funny too. :P

---

Anyway, I’ve been feeling down lately. Really, really down. Last week has been the worst week of my year. I couldn’t sleep properly, I was crying on my bed, and I couldn’t eat properly. I was overthinking and I was thinking of death quite frequently. When I do think of death, I cry, then I lose my appetite. I don’t want to talk to anyone in my house because I don’t understand them and they don’t understand me. You tell them what’s wrong with you and they interpret it differently, so what’s the point, really? You tell them and they don’t listen. –shrugs-

Aside from the sob-fest story above, last week has been pretty meaningful too, ‘cause I got to share the Gospel with my college friends. It was about Rahab and the two spies and how the wall of Jericho broke down. It was mainly about Salvation and about grace. So, praise God for still allowing me to share His goodness to people even though I’m severely broken. I’m also thankful for how God disciplined me last week and for reminding me about His Grace. I have yet to learn the lesson He is trying to teach me. I’m still learning how to be humble and how to set aside my pride, because I believe that pride is keeping me from allowing God to work fully in my life. I am a mull-headed girl that needs to learn it the hard way. But I hope I won’t learn it the really really hard way.

---

As I’ve said in the last post, I’m working on a book blog which was paused due to the “down time” I had week. And now, a friend of mine asked if I could give a movie review about Iron Man 3. I’m sort of struggling with this because I don’t know what to write. I would probably fan-girled if it was for this blog but it’s for a techy blog, so a lot of nerds and geeks would be reading it or might read… gah! And now that I’ve mentioned it, I probably should start working on it.

Ciao

Book blog?

 

Caffeine, all I needed was a cup of coffee. I made an iced coffee and sat in front of my laptop. I knew the effects of caffeine in my system, and now, I’m writing.

It has been a while since I last wrote about myself in my so called “rant blog” and I have been pondering for months about this idea…

A book blog.

I knew that I was not an adept blogger nor my writing skills were exceptional but I wanted to try something productive. I was thinking of book blogging because I love books and I am willing to spend my leisure time reading them. My passion for books and my opinion of them could help someone in search of a book. I have noticed that my enthusiasm for books had caught up with my friends and in some way, we have relied on each other’s recommendations so why not spread the love and be informative about the books that we have loved and shared.

Of course, it would be taxing because I am not a professional book critic and I have a lot of books to cover but I wanted to do something worthwhile and something that I’m passionate about, hence the book blog.

I have a couple of ideas on what would I be putting in the blog, but for now I would be focusing on books. I’m not even sure if going to call it a book blog… I am confusing, am I not?

People have said that practice makes perfect. I think I’m going to try that saying and I would try to blog at least once a day from now on. I know that I have made a promise like this one a while back, but now, I am more determined to practice, so yes, wait for some news about my upcoming blog.

Walking Disaster

Walking Disaster, a follow-up to Beautiful Disaster, by Jamie McGuire

An amusing book about the inner workings of Travis Maddox. The story that Beautiful Disaster had laid hadn't been changed only the perspective. Walking Disaster was a story of a boy who promised his dying mother to fight hard for love and fulfilled it at the end.
His mind was not a beautiful place to be, but because of his passion and drive, you would want to stay in his head to see what he would do. I guess, he would just do anything for Abby. From abstinence to kneeling and laying out his heart, he would do anything to prove that he belonged to Abby and that he was insanely and irrevocably in love with the girl.
To be honest, his version of love was scaring me because it was bordering on obsession. Their love was like a hurricane; it was so fast and so powerful that they didn't know what hit them. Abby was stuck in the past and was trying out the clear waters of the present when Travis appeared and brought the waves back in and the jagged rocks of the past.
I liked how this version was told.I liked reading about the Maddox men and the tightness of their family bond. Even though it was the same story, it has a different feel to it. The readers of Beautiful Disaster has both sides of the story. I think we just wished a longer epilogue for this one.

My rating: 3 out of 5

***

The Elite

After waiting for months, I have finally read this book and I couldn't believe that I have finished it in 6 hours. Was that good or bad? I think I need the third book!!!
I was amused that my qualms against Prince Maxon was answered in the first chapter. I recalled saying that Prince Maxon was "too like-able" in The Selection, and here in The Elite, he was even more likeable because of his adoration for America.  I was quite satisfied to have seen more complexities in Prince Maxon's character.
I was as confused as America when choosing between Aspen and Maxon. Even though I love Maxon more than Aspen, I couldn't help thinking that America might still choose Aspen because of his tenacity and perseverance. I think that was his redeeming quality in this book. Maxon on the other hand was being his usual princely charming self that we ladies couldn't get enough of. America... well, she was slowly realizing her worth and what she could do, very like Ms. Katniss Everdeen.
The characters have evolved a little bit but I'm still waiting for them to fully bloom. I was expecting some political revelation and actions to emerge and it did happen, but I wish there were more. The plot was great, sustained by an average amount of surprises. It wasn't dull considering that it gripped me for 6 hours but as I have said, I was expecting more revelations from this book.
I've enjoyed this book as much as the first one. I am curious for the third book and I couldn't believe that I have to wait for a year to read it. I guess more time to read The Selection and The Elite again! :D

My rating: 4 out of 5 stars because of Prince Maxon <3

The Picture of Dorian Gray

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

An elaborate tale of a young man, Dorian Gray, who was introduced to vanity and was reared by a vile amoral influence, Lord Henry Wotton. Even though Basil Howard, his friend, tried to pry him from the claws of the wicked ways, Dorian Gray had already traded his soul to the immoral pleasures of the world.
This was a tragic tale. No heroine to root for and not a single thing to love. The only thing you could take from this book was the lesson of having a narcissistic life. You have nothing to gain from the immoral pleasures of the world aside from temporary satisfaction. This book was a reminder of what was important in life than having a good time, which was having a friend who rebukes you to lead you to the right path, and a friend who would stick to you in the worst of times.
I would still recommend it but only to those who have strong sense of their values because this book is not for the easily swayed. I would recommend it for it’s a classic.
My rating: 3 out of 5

Clockwork Princess

 

"At last, the wheel comes full circle..."

 

Clockwork Princess (Infernal Devices #3) by Cassandra Clare

I could not ask for a better ending than this, but I could ask for another book! The conclusion was similar with Mockingjay and the Deathly Hallows; our beloved characters have their hearts broken and was mended over time, then lived through their days in contentment or as they say, "happily ever after."

Even though the Mortmain issue was resolved in a predictable manner, I was very taken by the peculiar love triangle between Jem, Tessa, and Will. I had to pause my reading several times because I was in an emotional distress with Jem's dire situation. In the wee hours of the morning, I was crying silently trying to relieve some of the agony Jem has given me in the first half of the book. I have fallen for Jem's character more than Will's and I guess because he was musically inclined and naturally sweet in a shy kind of way. Don't get me wrong, I love Will's character as well because he was a book nerd and who wouldn't fall for someone who quoted the classics? With his flowery words and sarcastic antics, Will could be our generation's Mr. Darcy.

If this novel would have a classical music soundtrack it would be Paganini's Violin Sonata 6 together with Antonio Vitali's Chaconne and Elgar's Salut d'Amour. Listen to it, you'll know what I mean.

Have you ever heard a violin when it glides over a high note and produces that thin string sound that makes your heart soar? Or when a cello plunges into a series of pulsing notes caressing it with a vibrato and gives you a melancholic feel? I have felt those in the scenes mostly when Jem was in. This book has been a musical ride. I felt like every scene had a classical song accompaniment in my head. I was emotionally taken by the exceedingly passionate confessions of love from both Jem and Will. Both sweet in their own way and both rang of purity and honesty.

-----

I have so much to say about this novel but I still have to gather my thoughts about the other characters so that my review wouldn't be all fan-girling about Jem and Will. I would edit this review when I have read it again and have settled my feelings over the things that have happened. I am still overwhelmed. Whew!

I would leave by saying that Madam Cassandra Clare has scored not only a 5 starred rating but a "turkey."

*applauds*

I don’t care, but I do.

 

I don’t care if I have a crappy blog. I have written what I have felt. This was and is purely for my entertainment and for my sanity and you, those of you who are reading this are the privileged ones. (Or not.) You could see what transpires in this mind and the quirkiness of my personality. If it’s too much for you, then go click the close button.

Where did this rant came from?

I was, as usual, attacking my self-esteem again. I was searching for inspirations in the internet but it turned out quite the opposite. I have realized that I am writing a crappy blog. Most of you would tell me that I should be encouraged to strive and make it as a blog that I like it to be, but I usually have these moments when I wallow and stab my self-esteem. I usually have these moments when I get envious of their ability and instead of striving to achieve that level of ability, I go to my corner and curl up. I know that it’s a bad thing and that I should stop wallowing but this is who I am.

I am frustrated with the fact that I could do better but I am not doing it, or even striving to be one. I am annoyed with myself for being so lazy and for wasting the minutes of my life. I am so angry with myself because I am not using the best of my abilities. I am so ashamed of myself because I am besmirching the name of God. I should be Christ’s ambassador to all the non- believers but I am not letting Him use me. I am relying again on my own strength when I should be relying on Him alone.

I should be humbled by His grace.

If you are reading this, please pray for me. May my thoughts be shrouded by His light and may my heart be right before His eyes. Thank you. I guess I’ll be praying for you too.

Misunderstood

“The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them -- words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a tellar but for want of an understanding ear.”
—Stephen King

Once upon a time, I felt that way. A time when I couldn't express what I wanted to say and how I felt, because the words wouldn't come out right. A time when I wanted to rip my heart out to save my friends the time deciphering it. A time when I just cried because the time has arrived to tell them  but I wasted it because I feared that I would be misunderstood.

Either way, I was misunderstood.
I am always misunderstood... because I am weird.

Cuteness overload

I have to post this here. My friends know that I adore bunnies and here is one. It's so cute!!!!

I'm really sorry that I can't cite the source because I only saw this in a friend's plurk post and downloaded it immediately. The post was buried in my list so... it's kind of hard to search for it again. What I'm trying to say is, THIS IS NOT MINE, I am not the owner of this picture, got it off the internet. 

I really love it when bunnies do that nose wiggling thing. Hnnng! it's so fluffehhh! Whenever I see a bunny, I go Agnes-like (Despicable Me)

There. Bask in it's cuteness! hnnnnggg! 

I will live to praise Your Name, always.

 

If you know me, you must know that I love music. I adore music. And if I have a golden voice, I would sing everyday and always. Even though I don’t have an angelic or soul lifting voice, I still want to use what God has given me. I am blessed to be singing in our church’s choir and to be learning new songs about God. It is such a pleasure to be reading words and notes and see/hear them come alive when the choir blends these melodic sounds. And I promise that as long as I have my voice I will continue praising God with it, I will use it to tell His Story to everyone.

I pray that God will give me the right heart to serve Him. The heart that longs to worship him in every beat and every move it makes. A heart that thrives to glorify His name.

---

We were practicing our Summer Camp songs earlier in our church and we came by an old favorite of mine back in high school when I used to lead the singspiration in our student fellowships. The song was entitled “Always.” It goes like this.

I Love To Sing Your Praises My Sweet Savior
And Remind My Heart Of What You've Done For Me
When I Think Of All The Ways That You’Ve Been Faithful
I Rejoice To Know That's How You'll Always Be

Always Forever And Ever
You Will Be My God
You Will Always Be The Shepherd Of My Soul
Always Forever And Ever
You Will Be My God
You Will Always Be The Same
And Forever You Will Reign
I Will Live To Praise Your Name Always

 

I’d like this to be the theme song for the first quarter of my 2013… reminders of what God has done for me… How I love to sing His praises… and His promise that He will Always be the same forever. And I pray that God will let me live to praise His name… always.

Checklist

Before my thoughts scatter in the realm of the unknown, I have to tell you something that happened in our Bible Study earlier. Let me fast forward to the prayer requests… Our leader was asking for our prayer requests and most of my fellow members were insisting on praying for my love life ( and I dare not delve on the others’ prayer requests)  “God’s Best” as they coined it, our inside joke. At first, I was adamant to not focus my prayer request to my love life, but they gave me the “ticking body clock” talk so I caved in and let them include my love life in my prayer request. So I guess, I have half-heartedly prayed for my love life?
Anyhoo, after the prayer I got scared, ‘cause what if God readily agrees to my prayer and gives me a “love life.” I mean, yes, of course, I’d be grateful but I’m just really scared. I’m not ready to have a relationship. Period. I think I’m not mature yet to handle a relationship and I haven’t been a good Christian lately. If I couldn’t focus on God, what more if I’m in a relationship.  But if God would give me a Christian boyfriend who would bring me closer to Him, then, bring it on!!! I’d welcome him with open arms!

While I was lurking in fb, filtering through my unread notifications and news feed, I saw a goofy photo of my friend, then some mad photo manipulation by a friend. The photo manip , for me, implied that the guy was a cool dude. It occurred to me that some guys like to be cool in front of the girls. Well,  I want my man to be goofy and to be not afraid of looking silly or not cool. I’m not asking for someone who doesn’t have self preservation but someone who enjoys the moment and someone who laughs at their mistakes. With this in my mind, I draw my checklist.

1. growing Christian (Protestant) (deal breaker)
2. Taller than me (please lang ang liit ko na, tapos mas maliit pa siya?!)
3. good mannered / gentleman
4. speaks the English language fluently
5. Potterhead (I dream of a HP inspired wedding. LOL)

Major turn on’s:

• Cool Nerd. (Brain is the new sexy)
• Potterhead
• fluent in English
• Book Worm
• Smells good
• Nice taste in music
• sculpted biceps
• expressive eyes
• Manly voice (Alan Rickman-ish)
• sense of humor

many more to come, I am sleepy. Will be updated further in one my next posts.

Uglies

Honestly, I wasn't excited to read this book. I was only intrigued by the good reviews from my friends so I decided to give this book a chance. It turned out well.
Though there were twists that I found predictable, such as David and Tally's romantic affair, the detonated tracker, and the Specials, I was still intrigued by the history of the different towns. I was also curious in progress of David and Tally's relationship.
I guess I'll have to read the other books to determine where I stand. Would I love this series or not?
*on to the next book*
*** Will edit this when I have something better to say >.<

Verdict: 3 out of 5 stars.

My Cherie Amour

 

La la la la la la, La la la la la la La la la la la la, La la la la la la ♪♫

For some odd reason, Stevie Wonder’s My Cherie Amour got stuck in my head since last night. And I was thinking, if I were to score a rich dude with a fancy-shmancy attitude, I’d like him to call me, Mon Cherie, at least once. Or when we’re in a cheestastic mood.

But a girl could only dream.

It’s not like Matty Mckibben would fall down from the sky or maybe Alex Pettyfer, and I highly  doubt it if God would give me a fairy tale love life, all I’ve got is a fart-y tale. I wouldn’t mind if He did, girls are suckers for prince charming’s. Well, most of us, some go for the bad-ass dudes.

Anyway, I’m still playing My Cherie Amour and would be the song for this night as well. I would play it until I get tired of it. Give or take, two days, maybe? While I’m at it, why won’t you listen or sing along with me!

 

 

Here’s the lyrics:

"My Cherie Amour"

La la la la la la, La la la la la la
My cherie amour, lovely as a summer day
My cherie amour, distant as the milky way
My cherie amour, pretty little one that I adore
You're the only girl my heart beats for
How I wish that you were mine
In a cafe or sometimes on a crowded street
I've been near you, but you never noticed me
My cherie amour, won't you tell me how could you ignore
That behind that little smile I wore
How I wish that you were mine
La la la la la la, La la la la la la
La la la la la la, La la la la la la
Maybe someday, you'll see my face among the crowd
Maybe someday, I'll share your little distant cloud
Oh, cherie amour, pretty little one that I adore
You're the only girl my heart beats for
How I wish that you were mine
La la la la la la, La la la la la la
La la la la la la, La la la la la la

 

It’s such a sweet song. Thanks to Silver Linings Playbook, I remembered how beautiful the song was again.

Hello March

 

Hi there, March. I would try and blog as much as I can. Why? Just because I want to practice myself in expressing my thoughts through organized words. Gah!

Anyway, updates on my work. None. I still have no job and I plan to have one before March ends. I am pretty sure that I should blame myself for having no job offers yet because I haven’t been REALLY trying. One reason would be, I want to be fully prepared when I do this “job hunt,” because if I’m not prepared I would lack the confidence. I want a fresh start and I want to do everything right. I want to do it in my own terms, but, of course, in God’s terms too. I know that it would too much to ask for a Christian environment at work but I’m praying that God would put me where I could work on His ministry and of course, do my artsy fartsy thingies too.

---

I hate it when my playlist play what I feel. I have decided to shrug off my “love life” and any “pursuits for my love life happiness” because I really plan to stick with my “work first” motto this year. So far, my plan is not working, because I have no work. (no pun intended)

I should also be evaluating my Christian life. I was reminded of the “salt and light” verse in the Bible today, and I was thinking, have I been shining for God lately? I honestly think that I am not.

What am I going to do? Try?

No.

I am going to try harder. I really hope that God would give me the strength to flip off my pride so that He could start working in me again, because I am pretty sure that I haven’t been on the “fiery” phase of my Christian life.

Another reminder for today? God gave me a broken heart for me to focus on Him while he mends it. He was steering me in a different direction, telling me that He has another plan for me. Someone who He thinks fit. And there’s nothing for me to do but to trust Him.

peachy chic

peachy chic by anatoots featuring silk pants

Off the shoulder shirt
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Sass & Bide silk pants
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Christian Louboutin platform pumps
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Mulberry leather satchel
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Amrita Singh set of bangle
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Urban outfitter
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Mortal Instruments: City of Lost Souls

I have finally read the fifth book of the Mortal Instrument series, City of Lost Souls by Cassandra Clare.

What you wouldn't miss about this book was the kissing. There's a lot of mouth to mouth action. After reading this, I'm like, "what just happened?"


Aside from the abundance in the kissing department, there had been a lot of Magnus and Alec action too! Fans of Malec would squeal their lungs out! As a matter of fact, most of them were paired up only Sebastian was left out, which is understandable since he planned to wreaked havoc with his dear old daddy.


The only progress I saw in this book was the growth in the relationship of the minor characters, in Alec and Magnus, Izzy and Simon, Maia and Jordan. Other than that, it was the same old plot, Clary saving the world while Jace was helpless and possessed. In most of the scenes, Clary and Jace were making out... so yea, not much progress there.


As much as I liked the series, I am not excited for the next book as I was with the others. I would only read it for more information about Magnus' origin which I hope would be in the Bane Chronicles. Actually, I was really wondering who was this powerful father of Magnus. And yes, I wouldn't say no to some more of Alec and Magnus.


Verdict: 3 out 5 stars

A Prey Once Again

 

I was reading City of Lost Souls by Cassandra Clare earlier and came upon a line from Pablo Neruda’s poem. It was one of my favorite poems and I cannot resist the pull of posting it here since it is far too intimate for FB. Here’s the poem…

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way than this:
where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep. "
— Pablo Neruda

 

I don’t know if it was a coincidence or some stupid concoction of my overly assuming mind, but I have fallen prey to infatuation again. I’m afraid to be infatuated for the things I do only add to the things I was ashamed of. I am tired of looking like a fool in front of the person I like. And I am tired of gnawing ache that I could not seem to shake off every time I think of that person.

Because of you, the heady perfumes of
Summer pain me; because of you, I again
Seek out the signs that precipitate desires:
Shooting stars, falling objects."
— Pablo Neruda

Thus, I should have a job soon. Something to preoccupy my mind.