Dear Father God,

It’s a joy that in a matter of minutes you have helped me in hoping again. When I didn’t feel like talking to You, You reminded me why I should be. I’m in awe on how You communicate with me and how You comfort me. I was starting to rely on my friends whenever I feel low, but You reminded me that I should come to You first. I am learning to rely on You alone and not on the people around me. You reminded me that Your Presence alone should be enough.

You rebuked me when it is needed but You never fail to remind that You are there in my every step… through good times or bad. You supply my every need and it is such a sweet sweet experience every time You talk to me. Thank you for these verses…

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

Romans 8:26-27

Thank you for Jesus. Thank you for the Holy Spirit. Thank you!

I write for myself

It’s 12:58am and a couple of minutes ago I was wallowing. But as soon as I’ve posted what I’ve written earlier, I browsed this blog. I read last year’s post about “waiting” and about “letting go” and letting God, and it dawned on me that I am blogging not just for the sake of dumping my excess emotions here but to encourage myself and remind myself of what I’ve learned before.

I have gone through various phases and stages. I have seen myself crumble and grow but mostly, I have seen God’s faithfulness and love.

This is for my future self. Read this and be reminded that you write for yourself. You need not impress anybody. You only think of God, what pleases Him and what He has done for you.

Mercies in Disguise

 

The first time I heard the song “Blessings” by Laura Story, I was brought to tears. I knew then that this would be the song that I would like to be played in my funeral. After all, Funerals are not for the living. I want the people I love and the people who loved me to be comforted by this song and through God’s message.

If you have not heard of this song, listen to it and be blessed.

http://youtu.be/1CSVqHcdhXQ

Here’s the lyrics:

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/laurastory/blessings.html

 

The phrase that I really like in the song is… “Mercies in Disguise.” Last Sunday, a pastor reminded us what’s the difference between mercy and grace. Grace is a gift. It is something we do not deserve, something that is given freely. Mercy is when you do something wrong and you deserve punishment but you do not get it or you are pardoned. Grace is when we did not do anything but we still receive something.

What I liked about that phrase is that it reminded me how God loves us… that most of the time, we sin greatly, intentional or unintentionally, we sin. We think that a trial or discipline is God punishing us but what we do not know is that we deserve severe and gruesome punishments for what we’ve done. We cry out to Him thinking that the trials that we experience are His punishments, we think that it is so much that we cannot bear it but little do we know, we deserve more. We had it easy.

I had it easy. And in the face of trial, I crumbled. I said things I was not supposed to say, things I said out of spite and bitterness. I lost my focus in the face of adversity and I am ashamed for not trusting in the Lord. I have forgotten how He loves. I have forgotten that His mercies are new every morning. I became a Pharisee. I became righteous and God broke me. I was stubborn and I was so quick to judge people that I have forgotten to look into my heart. I do not deserve any of this, I deserve to die but God… His unfailing love… chose to save me.

God gave me hope.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

God has ways of comforting us and He gives it in perfect timing. There will be countless of trials and there is not s doubt that we will fail Him again. It’s in our nature. We might beat our chest and be ashamed to face Him. Know this, dear reader…

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.

- Lamentations 3:22-27

 

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him… I prayed for a small group… He answered me with time. I pray that the Lord would help me utilize the time He has given me with wisdom. I thank the Lord for my mother, for understanding my heart that even though my decision would affect our expenses and my dream… she still encouraged me, she said to not lose hope and to always pray to our God in Jesus' Christ’s name. She said that trials may come but the Lord would never leave us, just keep on holding and not to let go of His grip.

I have friends and family that God uses to comfort me, what more can I ask for? Most of all, I have a God who is greater than anything in this world, a God whose love is indescribable, a God whose power is unfathomable, a God who never tires of loving me…

What more can I ask for?

Still waiting

 

The way God has comforted me this day has been humbling. My heart has been bothered by the “longing” of this heart.  I have been fazed for some time because my feelings were raging and signs were telling me that there might be a “possibility” for something “good” in my love life arena. But as usual, I was wrong. I was overly thinking and assuming, and it hurts.

I tried to restrain the feeling but as we all know it’s hard. It’s hard to focus on God when temptations come poking around. I know that compared to other people, this is a wee thing but for me, it’s a big deal because I have promised God that I would focus on His ministries and in my career, my love life should come after or after this year. My patience was tested but through God’s grace, I am slowly overcoming it.

I was so sad yesterday and I was so close on giving up with this “possibility.” I was decided in putting some distance with this “possibility” and I have decided on restraining myself from taking the initiative of communicating. This evening, as I browse through my Facebook, his name popped up and God did something through him that made me smile. For you guys, I know that it would seem to be of no importance but for me, it’s like God patting me on the back saying that it would be okay, that I have to trust Him in this one, that I don’t have to be disheartened, that I should always find joy in Him because He knows what is best for me. He has comforted me by reminding me that when I begin searching for Him and His Kingdom, I would find something more than I can imagine. His love has brought me to reality that I don’t need anyone to fill this loneliness aside from Him who is able to do immeasurable things.

If you are feeling alone at this moment, when you feel that gnawing ache of loneliness, SEEK GOD, because when you find Him and when you ask for Him to enter your life, your heart wouldn’t be only filled by His love, it would be overflowing. Talk to God. Pray.

Wait for the Lord

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Psalm 24:14

I have never been more sure of what God wants me to focus on this year. I have been side tracked by potential romantic ventures but through God's guidance and a bucket full of prayers, God has reminded me to seek His kingdom first.

It is so hard to wait for it (that special someone) especially when you see so much potential in a prospect and when you see that his heart is with the Lord. God has counseled me and has been constantly reminding me that this is one of His lessons about patience and humility, because I have asked Him before about this and now He is slowly teaching me, and I am forever grateful.

Yesterday, I have been so confused because my feelings and my thoughts are not well with each other. I was scared and really bothered because I was really close to following my emotions once again. Yes, once again, because I have been in this place before and I was impatient, I saw an opportunity and I grabbed it without waiting for God's go signal. The result? My heart  was crushed.

These few weeks my heart has been bothered my emotions that I couldn't fully understand but through God's wisdom, through bible verses and books, God has reminded me to trust in Him and... to wait for Him, wait for His plan to unveil before my eyes and the only thing required for me to do is to continue searching for Him. My prospect might be a distraction today but who knows, God might be reserving him to be a blessing in my life. Whatever happens today, I plan to seek God first. I pray that He will guide me as I do so.

He has said it before...

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33 

I have never been more excited in knowing more about Christ and in following His footsteps, not because I long for that special someone, but because of His goodness, His love, I want to know more about those things, because I feel like I've only seen parts of it. It is intoxicating and I want to learn more about Him. My heart wants to see more of Him and the way He is working in people. I have been blessed by His grace and I want to pay it forward. I want to let the people know that this is the God worth following. This is the God worth loving. This is the God who will never leave you. This is the God who will allow you to be hurt because He loves you. This is the God who has suffered before you have suffered. This is the Almighty God who has designed you and has known you before you were born. This God gave His ONLY Son so that you can live today... so that you can live with Him forever in all the glorious makings of heaven.

"For God so love the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

It is hard, the work is hard, but I am sure that it would be worthwhile. He has given me glimpses of what could happen through testimonies and in my life, and I ask myself, why wouldn't I trust this awesome, infinitely gracious and astounding, magnificent God? 

God is at work

There are no accidents when God is at work. You might have met an old friend earlier or maybe thought of a colleague earlier. I tell you, that was no accident. God must have put them on your way or on your mind for a special reason.

As you might have known, I am working in a Christian company. Every first Tuesday of the month we have a fellowship called “Big Group.” It began with worshipping God with songs then someone would speak. This month’s topic was Evangelism, and I am reminded of why I was called to be a Christian. I was reminded of the love that God wanted us to share with everybody. I was reminded of planting the seed even though you’re not certain who will reap. I was reminded that every living breath is an opportunity to share God’s love.

I am still thinking of the reason why God brought me to this company. He might be thinking that I was becoming stagnant with my walk with Him. Maybe, this is one of my answered prayers because I could faintly remember that I prayed for a sound walk with Him. I really don’t know what’s in God’s mind, but one thing I’m certain of… He is with me wherever this life takes me, He knows me, and He will be with me until the end of time. The clarity of His love is solid.

God is at work as I type this. I should have been sleeping but I was inspired to write about Him and His grace. I forgot to mention that I was in the music team of the company I’m working at and earlier, at the “big Group” sinspiration, we were worrying because we had only a day of practice. We were not prepared mentally for it, but through God’s grace and guidance we were able to lead the people to singing praises for Him. It was really a humbling moment because we all knew that we weren’t prepared, our fingers were fumbling, the keyboard was having weird noises, the lead guitar was having technical problems, some of the music equipment were not working, yet the people were singing, so all praises to God because he answered our prayers before we played in the sinspiration. It was so humbling to be used by God. I just couldn’t stop praising Him because He has been gracious to me, to all of us in the music team. God knew our shortcomings and still, however broken or unpracticed we were, He used us. He could have picked a better instrumentalist but He chose us. My theory was He chose us because He wanted us to learn from this experience, so that one day we could include it in our testimonies of His greatness and His grace.

I haven’t been this enthusiastic since… I couldn’t remember, but really,  I just wanted to praise God through this blog post and I hope that whoever you are, to you who have read this blog… if you ever wanted to talk about God, share anything about your life, do not hesitate to contact me, I’d love to hear about you and how has God worked in your life.

All glory to God.

I will live to praise Your Name, always.

 

If you know me, you must know that I love music. I adore music. And if I have a golden voice, I would sing everyday and always. Even though I don’t have an angelic or soul lifting voice, I still want to use what God has given me. I am blessed to be singing in our church’s choir and to be learning new songs about God. It is such a pleasure to be reading words and notes and see/hear them come alive when the choir blends these melodic sounds. And I promise that as long as I have my voice I will continue praising God with it, I will use it to tell His Story to everyone.

I pray that God will give me the right heart to serve Him. The heart that longs to worship him in every beat and every move it makes. A heart that thrives to glorify His name.

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We were practicing our Summer Camp songs earlier in our church and we came by an old favorite of mine back in high school when I used to lead the singspiration in our student fellowships. The song was entitled “Always.” It goes like this.

I Love To Sing Your Praises My Sweet Savior
And Remind My Heart Of What You've Done For Me
When I Think Of All The Ways That You’Ve Been Faithful
I Rejoice To Know That's How You'll Always Be

Always Forever And Ever
You Will Be My God
You Will Always Be The Shepherd Of My Soul
Always Forever And Ever
You Will Be My God
You Will Always Be The Same
And Forever You Will Reign
I Will Live To Praise Your Name Always

 

I’d like this to be the theme song for the first quarter of my 2013… reminders of what God has done for me… How I love to sing His praises… and His promise that He will Always be the same forever. And I pray that God will let me live to praise His name… always.

Hello March

 

Hi there, March. I would try and blog as much as I can. Why? Just because I want to practice myself in expressing my thoughts through organized words. Gah!

Anyway, updates on my work. None. I still have no job and I plan to have one before March ends. I am pretty sure that I should blame myself for having no job offers yet because I haven’t been REALLY trying. One reason would be, I want to be fully prepared when I do this “job hunt,” because if I’m not prepared I would lack the confidence. I want a fresh start and I want to do everything right. I want to do it in my own terms, but, of course, in God’s terms too. I know that it would too much to ask for a Christian environment at work but I’m praying that God would put me where I could work on His ministry and of course, do my artsy fartsy thingies too.

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I hate it when my playlist play what I feel. I have decided to shrug off my “love life” and any “pursuits for my love life happiness” because I really plan to stick with my “work first” motto this year. So far, my plan is not working, because I have no work. (no pun intended)

I should also be evaluating my Christian life. I was reminded of the “salt and light” verse in the Bible today, and I was thinking, have I been shining for God lately? I honestly think that I am not.

What am I going to do? Try?

No.

I am going to try harder. I really hope that God would give me the strength to flip off my pride so that He could start working in me again, because I am pretty sure that I haven’t been on the “fiery” phase of my Christian life.

Another reminder for today? God gave me a broken heart for me to focus on Him while he mends it. He was steering me in a different direction, telling me that He has another plan for me. Someone who He thinks fit. And there’s nothing for me to do but to trust Him.

What I have to say for the year 2013…

… it is going to my year.

Technically, it is my year because I was born on the year of the snake. Kidding aside, I really would like to make this my year. I want a new job, a new wardrobe, and a new perspective in life.

But of course, if only God would will it.

Anyway, I was thinking about my love life too. Since I’m not having one, I have decided that I would be a workaholic this year. All my time would be spent with work, church, family, and friends. Frankly, nothing changed. *grimace* I have a feeling that this year would not be a year for my love life… because I would strive hard to not think about it. But then, I’m all talk.

Again, if only God would will it.

One thing is certain, I will not join any fun-run this year… or ever. That I promise to fulfill. I personally think that it is pointless to pay for just running. I know that there are the perks but I still think it’s pointless. This is just my opinion so I apologize if I have offended anybody.

This year, I hope that God would let me be a “fruitcake” to somebody. I pray that my faith in His works would strengthen, and that I might please Him more in my ways.

same wavelength

I don’t know if It’s the hormones talking or I am delusional, but I feel like a lot of people are annoyed with me. I feel that nagging feeling that someone I talking behind my back. I feel so saaaaaad. I am becoming the person that I don’t want to be. I am becoming a hypocrite..

I need someone to talk with, but I can’t seem to trust anyone to understand me. Alam mo yun, maraming available for talking pero di mo naman mapagkakatiwalaan, ung mga pinagkakatiwalaan mo naman, di mo masabihan. I’m thinking if I’ve made the wrong choice of friends, or sadyang nagbabago na ako. Am I changing for the better or for worse?

This feeling… argh!! you just want to yank it out of your chest and throw it to the dogs. It makes me sick. My mind is so tired of thinking.. of assuming… Oo na, assumera kasi ako. Arrgggh! I just want to scream!

I am longing for that one person who will tell me, “I understand you, I went through the same thing.” Hindi ung out of politeness or walang masabi kaya sasabihin niya.

Hindi ko din alam kung bakit parang nagagalit na ako sa mundo. Ang dumi dumi kasi. nakakafrustrate. nakakawalang ganang mabuhay. Gusto mong gumawa ng mabuti para naman mapalapit ang mga tao sa Diyos pero grabe ang hirap, parang ang pangit ng pagbalik. Ewan, I should trust God diba, in times like this? I trust Him naman, I just want to rant. I want to tell Him that I’m feeling this off towards my friends, that I am wasting my time being a miserable wench but I’m still doing it. I am telling God that I want to die because I’d rather die than sin again.

But you know what will God put into my thoughts after I’ve said all those things? Trust and hope for His perfect plan. Don’t think of death because you have a mission for Christ. You have to uphold a good testimony because you are a Christ ambassador. It’s okay for me to feel this way, because that’s what I am. Human. Imperfect beings made perfect by God’s love.

So what happens after my tirade? I release of some of the boggling thoughts in my mind. Though I am sure that it will come back, I am sure too that God will provide a way for me to turn it around. I’m still hoping for someone who will share the same wavelength of thoughts with me, the same views and beliefs. By the time, he/she arrives, I will praise God, as always, and I will put it in my testimony as an answered prayer. 

Eto papala, I noticed that when I‘m boasting about something God takes it away. One time, I boasted that UST will win the Basketball championship again, turns out top 4 lang. I’m scared of God’s training, pero I’m grateful din because I’m experiencing His discipline in humbling. I have loads to learn but if God is my teacher then I’ll be willing learn.

Arggh. there goes that nagging feeling again. Can somebody call fredie kreuger and just rip my heart out?

I asked for Strength

I ASKED FOR STRENGTHAuthor: Unknown

I asked for Strength...And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for Wisdom...And God gave me Problems to solve.
I asked for Prosperity...And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.

I asked for Courage...And God gave me Danger to overcome.
I asked for Love...And God gave me troubled people to help.

I asked for Favors...and God gave me Opportunities.
I got nothing I wanted...But I received everything I needed.

Funny how we think God doesn't answer prayers when the answer is right in front our eyes. This shows how minute we are, in terms of God's existence and still He pays close attention to our every need and problems.
His Awesomeness is Awesome!