Ways to Go

 

Most of my blog posts were inspired by songs (I may not have mentioned it but most of them were) and this one was inspired by the “feel good” groove of Grouplove’s Ways To Go. I was nodding to the beat when it dawned on me that I haven’t blogged since July, so here I am writing on my eventful August.

(Open Season by High Highs on my background)

My August started with our company retreat. I was on a spiritual high because I was reminded yet again of God’s promises and what it He wanted us to do. I wanted to project God’s love through my ministries so I volunteered. I stood up and ran towards Effie Trinket who was on the stage holding a piece of paper and shouted, “I VOLUNTEEEERRR!”

I’m kidding. Of course, Effie Trinket wasn’t in our retreat.

I only texted someone and told him that I wanted to help in a particular ministry. He said, yes. Lo and behold, my August was swamped with meetings and practices. But I am grateful because I get to serve Someone I love.

Speaking of love, let’s get into that arena. Last month, my heart and mind was still at war. I was still raw and butt hurt and I was unforgiving, but God was nudging me to talk it out with Him, and I did. I spat all my hurts and my anxieties concerning my love life and you know what, He listened and He calmed me. It was one of the sweetest experience I had with Him. From an angry and miserable woman, I became more accepting and forgiving. I have accepted that I was being impulsive and impatient, and it was one of the things that I have to learn in this phase.

I have decided (again) to wait it out. I would not make a move. I would let God do all the moving. Some of my friends would say that it would be a stupid move, that nothing would happen if I don’t move. But I have decided that I would wait. I want to do nothing except for the things that God wanted me to do, and so far, His instructions were to wait on Him. So I’m focusing on my ministries and in my relationship with Him.

One of the highlights of my August were my family’s and my best friend’s birthday. I cooked for my mom on her birthday. It was a simple dish. White sauce and pasta. I remembered that she used to cook the same thing when I was younger so I cooked one for her. I bought my cousin ice cream naman on her birthday. I didn’t cook for my best friend’s birthday because she treated us dinner. We had a grand time eating Filipino cuisine at BGC (I forgot the resto’s name) and we had ice cream afterwards. 

So there, I have updated you, my blog, with the highlights of my August.

 

Ah yes, one more thing, I am 7 books behind my reading challenge schedule and I’m feeling bad because I haven’t finished a book for July. What is happening with my reading life?! rawr! Anyhoo, I’m currently reading Stardust by Neil Gaiman and I am hoping that I would finish reading it this month.

 

Ciao.

Mercies in Disguise

 

The first time I heard the song “Blessings” by Laura Story, I was brought to tears. I knew then that this would be the song that I would like to be played in my funeral. After all, Funerals are not for the living. I want the people I love and the people who loved me to be comforted by this song and through God’s message.

If you have not heard of this song, listen to it and be blessed.

http://youtu.be/1CSVqHcdhXQ

Here’s the lyrics:

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/laurastory/blessings.html

 

The phrase that I really like in the song is… “Mercies in Disguise.” Last Sunday, a pastor reminded us what’s the difference between mercy and grace. Grace is a gift. It is something we do not deserve, something that is given freely. Mercy is when you do something wrong and you deserve punishment but you do not get it or you are pardoned. Grace is when we did not do anything but we still receive something.

What I liked about that phrase is that it reminded me how God loves us… that most of the time, we sin greatly, intentional or unintentionally, we sin. We think that a trial or discipline is God punishing us but what we do not know is that we deserve severe and gruesome punishments for what we’ve done. We cry out to Him thinking that the trials that we experience are His punishments, we think that it is so much that we cannot bear it but little do we know, we deserve more. We had it easy.

I had it easy. And in the face of trial, I crumbled. I said things I was not supposed to say, things I said out of spite and bitterness. I lost my focus in the face of adversity and I am ashamed for not trusting in the Lord. I have forgotten how He loves. I have forgotten that His mercies are new every morning. I became a Pharisee. I became righteous and God broke me. I was stubborn and I was so quick to judge people that I have forgotten to look into my heart. I do not deserve any of this, I deserve to die but God… His unfailing love… chose to save me.

God gave me hope.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

God has ways of comforting us and He gives it in perfect timing. There will be countless of trials and there is not s doubt that we will fail Him again. It’s in our nature. We might beat our chest and be ashamed to face Him. Know this, dear reader…

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.

- Lamentations 3:22-27

 

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him… I prayed for a small group… He answered me with time. I pray that the Lord would help me utilize the time He has given me with wisdom. I thank the Lord for my mother, for understanding my heart that even though my decision would affect our expenses and my dream… she still encouraged me, she said to not lose hope and to always pray to our God in Jesus' Christ’s name. She said that trials may come but the Lord would never leave us, just keep on holding and not to let go of His grip.

I have friends and family that God uses to comfort me, what more can I ask for? Most of all, I have a God who is greater than anything in this world, a God whose love is indescribable, a God whose power is unfathomable, a God who never tires of loving me…

What more can I ask for?

Quiet time

But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. - Matthew 6:6

For the duration of my Christian life, finding a quiet time has been a struggle. I would often plan a time but end up not using it. With God's grace, I am often reminded to communicate with Him even though it's just a spare time while riding the train home or while taking a bath, but in my heart, I know that was not enough. God is willing to spend every minute, every second of the day with Him and I'm here ignoring Him. 

When I started working for INP, my quiet time started to happen again. I'm glad because I've been praying for a stable one. I've missed talking to my Lord and Father in Heaven and it is such a joy to be learning and talking to Him again, and this time we're talking deeper. 

I've had my struggles this past weeks and I came close into becoming indifferent once again, but with God's grace, He has let me overcome it. I am not perfect but I have been striving to be more Christ-like in my daily walk. I just keep forgetting about God's grace, hence, my prayer is to be reminded daily of God's grace and mercy so that I would be encouraged to live all for His glory. 

Wait for the Lord

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Psalm 24:14

I have never been more sure of what God wants me to focus on this year. I have been side tracked by potential romantic ventures but through God's guidance and a bucket full of prayers, God has reminded me to seek His kingdom first.

It is so hard to wait for it (that special someone) especially when you see so much potential in a prospect and when you see that his heart is with the Lord. God has counseled me and has been constantly reminding me that this is one of His lessons about patience and humility, because I have asked Him before about this and now He is slowly teaching me, and I am forever grateful.

Yesterday, I have been so confused because my feelings and my thoughts are not well with each other. I was scared and really bothered because I was really close to following my emotions once again. Yes, once again, because I have been in this place before and I was impatient, I saw an opportunity and I grabbed it without waiting for God's go signal. The result? My heart  was crushed.

These few weeks my heart has been bothered my emotions that I couldn't fully understand but through God's wisdom, through bible verses and books, God has reminded me to trust in Him and... to wait for Him, wait for His plan to unveil before my eyes and the only thing required for me to do is to continue searching for Him. My prospect might be a distraction today but who knows, God might be reserving him to be a blessing in my life. Whatever happens today, I plan to seek God first. I pray that He will guide me as I do so.

He has said it before...

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33 

I have never been more excited in knowing more about Christ and in following His footsteps, not because I long for that special someone, but because of His goodness, His love, I want to know more about those things, because I feel like I've only seen parts of it. It is intoxicating and I want to learn more about Him. My heart wants to see more of Him and the way He is working in people. I have been blessed by His grace and I want to pay it forward. I want to let the people know that this is the God worth following. This is the God worth loving. This is the God who will never leave you. This is the God who will allow you to be hurt because He loves you. This is the God who has suffered before you have suffered. This is the Almighty God who has designed you and has known you before you were born. This God gave His ONLY Son so that you can live today... so that you can live with Him forever in all the glorious makings of heaven.

"For God so love the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

It is hard, the work is hard, but I am sure that it would be worthwhile. He has given me glimpses of what could happen through testimonies and in my life, and I ask myself, why wouldn't I trust this awesome, infinitely gracious and astounding, magnificent God? 

Don’t just do it

 

Hello again, precious blog. I have been gone for a month or so. Now, let me tell you what happened since I last blogged.

Let’s start with the bad news…

I had a mild depression for two weeks. Although, this was self-proclaimed, I’d still like to think it was the two of my most saddest week in my entire life. I had difficulty in eating, I preferred sleeping most of the time, and I had negative thoughts that led me into doing things I’m not proud of. My family did not know about this, until one day, I combusted. To put it mildly, I had a bout of drama with my mom for a day.

That was probably the “dark ages” of my life, but it wasn’t for nothing. Remember what they said about being at your lowest point, that when you are in your lowest point and when you couldn’t see a thing, there’s no other way but to look up.

Look up, I did.

I saw God and His awesome grace.

No, I didn’t see God in the flesh, nor did I see a blinding ray of light, rather I saw God through a reminder from a bible verse.

"My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in."
--- Proverbs 3:11-12

I forgot what led me to this verse but it shook me out of my shell. It made me realize of the things that I should have been doing, things that should have been doing for His glory not mine. I was reminded of who I was, that I am a follower of Christ, therefore making me one of God’s sons and daughters. I am loved by God and that alone humbled me. I was thinking way ahead of myself, I was polluting my mind with negative thoughts that I have forgotten how God has disciplined me. I have forgotten that I have asked God for a hard life if it would mean that I would be closer to Him, and He granted it, in some way my miniscule mind could process.

Patience and humility, these were the two things I have learned from the “dark ages” of my life. God has taught me once again what it is like to wait for His answer. He has refreshed my poor memory on what it is like to rely on Him. I think He saw that I was puffing my chest too much that He decided to knock me off my feet.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. – 2 Corinthians 12:9

I know that this is a very familiar verse among Christians, but sometimes, it’s so familiar that we have forgotten the meaning behind it. God has reminded me yet again that I am nothing without Him. That a bow would not function well if it has no arrow. And as I continue to ponder on that thought, he has given me sources and guides on how to walk with Him once again.

My best friend could attest to this, that I have been more attentive when I go to church on Sundays than the past Sundays of the month before. I used to be sleepy especially when the speaker was stammering or was going in circles. I usually ask her for candies or a pen just to avoid sleeping in the church. But until those two low weeks, I have been reminded (you would get tired of hearing the word reminded because I’ve really been reminded of a lot of things) that no matter who the speaker was/is, always, ALWAYS remember that God is talking to you and you have to carefully listen.

God has his unusual way of reminding us of the lessons that we have learned before and have forgotten. What I like about this renewed relationship with was that it wasn’t' because of an event from the church, it was intimate because it was between God and me.

Anyhoo, now for the good news…

I have a job. yay!

I am working in a Photography company as their Graphic Artist and so far, I am enjoying it because the way I see it,my goal and the company’s seemed aligned. They wanted to glorify God through their work and I wanted to glorify God in my work too, so it’s a win-win situation? My only fear is I might be in my comfort zone… since most of my co-workers know Christ, but it’s still too early.

I have mentioned this before to my friends that I wanted to be in the “event planning” business because I wanted to be behind the scenes or a part of that joyous occasion that would be immortalized in their memories and in their photographs. I wanted to see people happy because everything went well, that they enjoyed that moment because the event went smoothly, that they didn’t think of anything but to enjoy the reunion between friends and family.

I am beginning to love my job because somehow that is what I’m doing with my work. I edit their photographs from their event, layout it, and I sometimes put a bible verse, depends on the client which layout they choose, then send them for approval. In one way, I am still a part of the “immortalization” of that joyous occasion, I may still be a part of that occasion or be the girl behind the beautiful layout their album has. I only hope they like my style…

Now, what am I driving at? My title says “don’t just do it” because many times have I “just done it” because someone said I should do it. Many times I have read the bible just because I need to read it. Many times I have helped out in the church’s ministries because I need to. Those were the times when I have lost the joy in serving God, that I have forgotten the reason why I was doing those things.

Do things for a reason. Better yet, do things for God’s glory.

Nothing compares to the feeling that you have made something for God, not because He requires it but because you love Him so much that you could only offer menial tithes and you know in your heart that God would be somehow pleased (but you wouldn’t really know because you’re not God.)

Nothing beats the humbling feeling, when you know that in your heart you are doing something for God.

Such joy.

Hello March

 

Hi there, March. I would try and blog as much as I can. Why? Just because I want to practice myself in expressing my thoughts through organized words. Gah!

Anyway, updates on my work. None. I still have no job and I plan to have one before March ends. I am pretty sure that I should blame myself for having no job offers yet because I haven’t been REALLY trying. One reason would be, I want to be fully prepared when I do this “job hunt,” because if I’m not prepared I would lack the confidence. I want a fresh start and I want to do everything right. I want to do it in my own terms, but, of course, in God’s terms too. I know that it would too much to ask for a Christian environment at work but I’m praying that God would put me where I could work on His ministry and of course, do my artsy fartsy thingies too.

---

I hate it when my playlist play what I feel. I have decided to shrug off my “love life” and any “pursuits for my love life happiness” because I really plan to stick with my “work first” motto this year. So far, my plan is not working, because I have no work. (no pun intended)

I should also be evaluating my Christian life. I was reminded of the “salt and light” verse in the Bible today, and I was thinking, have I been shining for God lately? I honestly think that I am not.

What am I going to do? Try?

No.

I am going to try harder. I really hope that God would give me the strength to flip off my pride so that He could start working in me again, because I am pretty sure that I haven’t been on the “fiery” phase of my Christian life.

Another reminder for today? God gave me a broken heart for me to focus on Him while he mends it. He was steering me in a different direction, telling me that He has another plan for me. Someone who He thinks fit. And there’s nothing for me to do but to trust Him.

Friday BS

 

I have to say that this is not about anyone’s bullshit that was made on a Friday. BS stands for Bible Study. I know you are about to click the exit button from the moment you saw the word “bible”. And I’m not sure if you have religious allergies or not, but I’m pretty sure you know where this is going.

First things first. What we have been discussing in our Bible Study these past weeks? It was about the Indescribable magnitude of God’s awesomeness. Our little human minds cannot fathom nor grasp the enormous knowledge thrust to us by our Heavenly Father through his unworldly works. What am I saying? Fire up Google and search for “the universe”. Who says science and religion cannot work together? Just the mere photo of the sun makes us wonder who our God really is.

Our BS group have been watching two films about the earth, the universe, and the human body. The speaker explained to us how far the earth is to its neighboring galaxies and how big the stars around it. He clarified that they were not the twinkle twinkle “little” star we used to sing in our nursery years, but humongous entities floating in the universe, gazillions larger than the earth. The sun, as he implied, was a speck of dust, considering that the earth is millions smaller than the sun. We are infinitesimal, teeny-weeny, insignificant organism in God’s grandiose artwork. If I were to compare the Universe and the unexplored heavenly bodies out there to a canvass painting, we, the human beings are not in the picture. We are not even in the filament of the strands of the canvass. We are insignificant, and yet, we are considered miracles.

Yes, I am on my way to telling you that you are special. We, the infinitesimal, teeny-weeny, not even a speck of dust, insignificant beings of the earth, are special. God made sure that we are special. We are tiny organisms that was designed by an awesome God with epic designs and details. Even our chromosomes were designed perfectly and intricately by God.

Here’s an interesting piece of trivia that will baffle you.Google search the word, laminin. Well, okay, searched it for you…

 

So what does it tells us? Like I told you earlier, God designed us intricately and knows us by each cell, particle, and molecule. He even designed a detailed and scientific proof of the uniqueness of each human being, and that is by looking into our DNAs.

For how many millennia has God reassured us of his unending love for us. He even declared it through his Son, Jesus Christ, yet we think that He is not good for us. Why? We have our own reasons. But you know, God is not a quitter. He will never ever quit on us. He will always give us an option to make a U-turn. His arms are always open.

Patience, wait, hope, golf ball, Sirius, Canus Majoris, Pollux, earth, sun, empire state building ; these are the random words that I got out of the video. Conclusion? God gives strength to those who wait and hope. He does not promise a smooth sailing journey, nor a 5-star treatment from the people around you, but He promised to give you the strength to keep you going on, for you to keep moving forward, and forward, and forward, and forward, until the day of our reunion with Him. That promise still stands.

Reflection

It's almost the end of September and I haven't written a single blog for this month, until now. My attention lately has been divided into 4 groups. Facebook, Hexrpg, Graphics designing, and books. Internet has been addicting (as always), it has been addicting to escape the confines of reality.

Before the September ends, (no, i will not ask you to wake me up) I will be cosplaying Effie Trinket and hopefully, post the photos here. So, what has happened to me this September? Let me think... hmmm...

MUSE's album came out and I do not have a copy... JK Rowling's Casual Vacancy will be coming out soon and I doubt it if I'll have a copy... UAAP CDC was held at SM MOA Arena and my University didn't win. Hmmm, what else... I've finished Awkward season two episode 12 last night and was wondering why Jenna doesn't seem contented with Matty. Does she need Jake too?

As I've mentioned earlier,you might have  my presence has been felt in the FB Universe through numerous share posts and likes. Yesterday, I stumbled upon a photo with a verse on it.

Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful. 

(1 Corinthians 1:27)

A few days before I saw that photo, I made a status on my plurk page saying...

When everyone thinks you'd fail, it should encourage you. When they push you down, spring back up! Prove them wrong. 

If you think about, it's a bit coincidental, isn't it?  If you look at what i've said on my plurk page, it's about ME making my way and proving them wrong, while the verse says, trust GOD to make something out of you.

This, obviously, made me reflect.

Here is God again, reminding me to trust Him, to allow Him to take control of my life. I have been consumed by this world that I'm slowly losing sight of Him. God, who is ever faithful, who is silently watching over me, cringing at my mistakes, and frowning at the temptations I have not resisted. He knows that it is a tiresome journey, that sacrifices have to be made in order to glorify Him.

I may not have been the best example of how a Christian should live, I have been mediocre and selfish, but if I have to re-do it, I won't. All the up and downs have been a blessing, every twist and turns have been a way of God revealing Himself to me. Through friends and family, through quotes, through books, even through texts.

I may not be a perfect Christian, but I would like to be one. With God's help... I hope I can be...