Challenges

Challenges can either make you or break you. I choose the former.

It's not surprising that this would be my first post for 2019. A lot has happened. Challenges happened. With God's grace, I was able to survive them.

As we have approached the 2nd half of the year, I cannot help but reflect on my challenges for the first half of 2019. Problems popped up in almost all the aspects of my life except love life... well, I think that one is really problematic, so I take back what I said, I had problems in EVERY aspect of my life. But I will not dwell on them too much for I know what will happen if I think about them too much.

But what I have learned through the hardships is "moving." In whatever state you are in, in whatever problem you are facing, you should always look up and look forward. Even if you feel like you are stuck, you have to still move, day by day, until the time comes when God would take you out of your slump. Successful people did not become successful by doing nothing. They moved, they initiated ideas even though many were against them, and they faced their giants. Even in front of their fears, the most important thing they did was to move. There were times that they stepped back but they took every learning experience from it.

I guess I am encouraging you, dear reader (or maybe me when I back read in the future), that whatever happens, hold on to hope and do not forget your goal. If you have achieved a goal, make another one or help others achieve theirs, and do not cease to hope for tomorrow. There will always be tomorrow until the day comes when we have to face our Maker.

Challenges made me who I am and made me learn more about myself and how to handle myself in adversity. I have yet to fully manage myself, but I am confident that I will continue to be positive and be joyous in hardships, for I know Who holds my tomorrows. 

Future Someone pt. 2

I guess I'm tired of the games and the rules of society in terms of loving someone.

Being the predictable "me," when I am in love, it shows.

I don't want awkward dates. I want something that evolved from friendship. I want endless converesations and meaningful talks. I don't want shallow trivials. I want to speak with passion and of our passions. I want to know what motivates our hearts and perks up our minds.

I do not fall for outside beauty for I value the inner soul. Beauty will fade as so this earth. I fall for how someone thinks. I fall for how imperfect and broken they are and the humble way of accepting that they have flaws and that there is only one God who can fix it.

I want to support someone. To help them realize their dreams and be there when their dreams become a reality. I want a companion who can independently think but values my point of view and values my sense of liberty. I do not want to be chained into doing what I do not want or pushed into doing something I do not believe in and he must respect that, in return so would I. But I want someone to rebuke me when necessary, someone who will not tolerate me when I sin. Someone who I can be accountable with.

But most importantly, I want to grow with someone in Christ. Someone to walk with as we journey life with the Lord. Someone who is not afraid to bare his struggles with me knowing that we could work on it together by God's abundant grace. I want to be someone who understands the ministry that I am to take and pushes me and leads me to do everything for God's glory.

Thankful

There are times when life beats you up but God lets you see the good in that beating. I have been experiencing panic attacks this week and it scared me because I feel like I’m going mad. But what I’ve learned this week was something God has been telling me ages ago. That I am not alone.

I have built walls because of numerous heartaches and disappointments but knowing God through these years made me slowly lower down the bridge and let people in.

It has not been easy. Letting people in is risky. It involves opening your heart knowing that people might break them. But God made me realize that in order to appreciate joy, we should appreciate the sadness. In order to fully know love and give out love, you must let love in.

I have been letting people in and as a result I am seeing love all the more. It’s a sweet experience but at the same time scary because I know that nothing is permanent in this earth. But for the few who have entered my fort, I know that our friendship will not last here… but will continue when we see each other in heaven. :)

A dark cloud has been hovering over my head for this past week and I used to rely on God to solve this. I have expected that He’ll just make the pain vanish or I’ll just cry my heart out to Him and everything will be fine. But He reminded me that I have a church. I have friends who would comfort me even though they’ve seen something that is ugly and disturbing. I must admit that I’m still uncomfortable telling people this because they might that I am just over reacting or just being a drama queen. God has reminded me that I am in a church, I have sisters and brothers in Christ who cares for me as much as I care for them. I am not alone. God reminded how the church works, that we spur one another and encourage one another. I am still relying on God for strength to overcome this. I am thankful that this is one of the ways He reminds me that He is with me through friends. Thank You, Lord.

I am also thankful for today because I got to worship with my best friend. It has been ages since we had breakfast and went to church together and I am just so thankful to God for giving us this opportunity again. May bonus pa! We had lunch together pa! I usually have my lunch with choir because we have choir practice after but I wanted to spend the morning with her so yay for today!

Dear Father God,

It’s a joy that in a matter of minutes you have helped me in hoping again. When I didn’t feel like talking to You, You reminded me why I should be. I’m in awe on how You communicate with me and how You comfort me. I was starting to rely on my friends whenever I feel low, but You reminded me that I should come to You first. I am learning to rely on You alone and not on the people around me. You reminded me that Your Presence alone should be enough.

You rebuked me when it is needed but You never fail to remind that You are there in my every step… through good times or bad. You supply my every need and it is such a sweet sweet experience every time You talk to me. Thank you for these verses…

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

Romans 8:26-27

Thank you for Jesus. Thank you for the Holy Spirit. Thank you!

I write for myself

It’s 12:58am and a couple of minutes ago I was wallowing. But as soon as I’ve posted what I’ve written earlier, I browsed this blog. I read last year’s post about “waiting” and about “letting go” and letting God, and it dawned on me that I am blogging not just for the sake of dumping my excess emotions here but to encourage myself and remind myself of what I’ve learned before.

I have gone through various phases and stages. I have seen myself crumble and grow but mostly, I have seen God’s faithfulness and love.

This is for my future self. Read this and be reminded that you write for yourself. You need not impress anybody. You only think of God, what pleases Him and what He has done for you.

Say Geronimo!

God answers prayers no matter how petty or how irrelevant it seemed to others. He wants you to enjoy life and to see how He loves you.

A couple of weeks ago, a friend and I noticed Sheppard's free concert posters at SM MoA. I was doubtful because, duh, free concerts are rare nowadays unless the artist is really passionate about music, it's a publicity stunt or an advetising campaign. Anyway, we decided to go because apparently it was really free.

The day of the event came and I was planning to go off work early. I wasn't able to. The concert was supposed to start at 6pm but it started at around 7:30pm and I was still on the train. Thank God that my friends went early and had me listen to Sheppard via phone. I was immensely grateful for that because I wanted to hear them sing live and I would take it even if it's through the phone.

As each song I heard Sheppard sing via phone, my heart sank because I realized that I might never hear them sing live again for free. I was in the taxi when I prayed to God to let me hear at least one song... just one song, Say Geronimo! And this is the part where I tell you that God answers prayers.

My friend told me that the set list was almost done, maybe one or two songs left. I prayed fervently to God, just one, let me hear just one song. As soon as the taxi stopped at our destination, I paid him and ran towards the music hall. My heart was pumping loudly because of excitement and anticipation. I heard the crowd singing with the band, I felt their energy. I was still at the phone with my friend and was telling at them that I'm near the area and voila! I'm in. I'm at the concert! They were singing their second to the last song and guess what?! I got to hear them sing Say Geronimo live!

What made me elated was the fact that God answered my prayer in a matter of minutes,  the song was just a bonus. He made it possible. If I was late by a minute I wouldn't experience the song fully. But wait there's more!

Not only did He gave me a song to appreciate but He gave me two more songs for encore! I asked for one song and God gave me two! By this time I am in awe. Even though the songs were not really God glorifying... the experience made me see Him again. It made me ponder of His love for us and His great timing.

This was a great night. I thank God for the friends He gave to make this more memorable. I thank God for the lessons through this concert. And I thank God that even though we forgot to take a photo, we had a grand time!

Oh yea, I took one photo of the stage but forgot to take other pictures because I was enjoying their songs too much.

Not for me

 

He’s perfect but he’s not for me.

I have found a man who almost completed my checklist. He fell short at the age arena. And it sucks because people has been telling me that we “click” but the age thing was just the hindrance and maybe we could just wait it out and see what happens. I say, it’s not the age that prevents an “us” from happening. It’s him.

Unless he moves nothing would happen. Or unless God moves His hand, nothing will happen.

But see, there’s a problem. I’ve fallen for him. I have felt what the other people felt about us. There was a connection, but I doubt it would deepen. It’s just sad because I know it is one-sided.

I guess this will be another addition to the list of my heart breaks. Still I thank God for giving them because I get to learn something.

I remember praying for someone who I can work with in my ministries. Someone who has the same passion for music, books, and God. Someone who could make me focus more in being Christ-like. Someone who has the patience to understand my roots and my quirkiness. I prayed for someone to be my partner in life so that we can testify God’s love through our relationship. I wanted my relationship to be a part of my worship as well.

You know what, instead of praying for this someone to fall for me, I should be praying for my heart. It is distracted yet again. May the Lord help me focus on His words and His love alone. May I thirst for Him earnestly everyday.

 

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By the way, I have been blogging on my Tumblr account since December 2015. I made a Tumblr account because I couldn’t spot a blogger app on my android phone. Since it’s easier posting photos on Tumblr and since it was the only “blogging” app that looked reliable for my phone, I decided to use it.  Visit www.amayoca.tumblr.com to see more of my posts.

Ways to Go

 

Most of my blog posts were inspired by songs (I may not have mentioned it but most of them were) and this one was inspired by the “feel good” groove of Grouplove’s Ways To Go. I was nodding to the beat when it dawned on me that I haven’t blogged since July, so here I am writing on my eventful August.

(Open Season by High Highs on my background)

My August started with our company retreat. I was on a spiritual high because I was reminded yet again of God’s promises and what it He wanted us to do. I wanted to project God’s love through my ministries so I volunteered. I stood up and ran towards Effie Trinket who was on the stage holding a piece of paper and shouted, “I VOLUNTEEEERRR!”

I’m kidding. Of course, Effie Trinket wasn’t in our retreat.

I only texted someone and told him that I wanted to help in a particular ministry. He said, yes. Lo and behold, my August was swamped with meetings and practices. But I am grateful because I get to serve Someone I love.

Speaking of love, let’s get into that arena. Last month, my heart and mind was still at war. I was still raw and butt hurt and I was unforgiving, but God was nudging me to talk it out with Him, and I did. I spat all my hurts and my anxieties concerning my love life and you know what, He listened and He calmed me. It was one of the sweetest experience I had with Him. From an angry and miserable woman, I became more accepting and forgiving. I have accepted that I was being impulsive and impatient, and it was one of the things that I have to learn in this phase.

I have decided (again) to wait it out. I would not make a move. I would let God do all the moving. Some of my friends would say that it would be a stupid move, that nothing would happen if I don’t move. But I have decided that I would wait. I want to do nothing except for the things that God wanted me to do, and so far, His instructions were to wait on Him. So I’m focusing on my ministries and in my relationship with Him.

One of the highlights of my August were my family’s and my best friend’s birthday. I cooked for my mom on her birthday. It was a simple dish. White sauce and pasta. I remembered that she used to cook the same thing when I was younger so I cooked one for her. I bought my cousin ice cream naman on her birthday. I didn’t cook for my best friend’s birthday because she treated us dinner. We had a grand time eating Filipino cuisine at BGC (I forgot the resto’s name) and we had ice cream afterwards. 

So there, I have updated you, my blog, with the highlights of my August.

 

Ah yes, one more thing, I am 7 books behind my reading challenge schedule and I’m feeling bad because I haven’t finished a book for July. What is happening with my reading life?! rawr! Anyhoo, I’m currently reading Stardust by Neil Gaiman and I am hoping that I would finish reading it this month.

 

Ciao.

Something Good

 

It is in the wee hours of the morning that I usually get pumped up with ideas and whatnot, and maybe a little help from coffees or teas. I know it’s unhealthy but I guess, it is more beneficial emotionally than physically.

I have been storing up a bundle of feels lately. I have been wallowing in the pain that I have forgotten about the good things I would get from this experience. What experience, you might wonder? I would say, it was an experience common to us mortals, well, even gods of mythology, it was an experience with the matters of the heart. Eww, I sound melodramatic. *cringe*

I have read an article about not dating a writer. It was written that one of the reasons why you shouldn’t date a writer was because he/she would write about your break up or use the pain from your break up to write something. Couldn’t be more true.

It is easier to wallow in pain than to stand up to the pain because as Augustus Waters said in The Fault In Our Stars, “pain demands to be felt.” You need to feel pain to feel the process of learning. Even if you have mastered the art of “numbing” yourself to the pain, you WOULD eventually feel it. Why not overcome it before you get too cold from numbing yourself? I know, I know, easier said than done.

Pain has its own way of seeping into our system. It has its own levels and degrees. Some you could just shrug off after a day, some could leave you curled up in your bed for a week, or maybe months, some could leave you in misery for years, but no matter how long it stays, you have to let it go.

“Let go and let God.”

You have seen that quote countless of times and it might have inspired you for a moment or maybe it is your mantra today, but let me tell you my interpretation on that quote.

Letting go of something meant you allowed it to go… you had the option of not allowing it to go but you CHOSE to release it. You have relinquished your hold on it and allowed God to take hold of it. In a way, you could say that you’re letting God handle whatever it is that you were letting go, and that would mean that you are giving God the authority over something that gripped you for some time and you are giving Him the power to do anything He wants to it.

“Let God” is not just about handing or passing the pain to God, it is more of believing in His power and having faith in His ability to turn something distressing into something good. Many times we are blinded by the pain that we don’t see we are losing focus on the path that we should take. Our vision were obscured by what we feel that we lost sight of what was real and what we should be doing. I have said earlier that pain should be felt because joy would not be apparent without anguish, so as light without the darkness. But it is tempting to wallow in self-pity and drown in the pools of misery.

It may surprise you that nowhere in the Bible are we told to ‘resist temptation’. Instead, we are advised to refocus our attention because resisting a thought doesn’t work. It only intensifies our focus on the wrong thing and strengthens its allure. You don’t defeat temptation by fighting the feeling of it. The more you fight a feeling, the more it consumes and controls you. You strengthen it every time you think it. Since temptation always begins with a thought, the quickest way to neutralize its allure is to turn your attention to something else. Don’t fight the thought, just change the channel of your mind and get interested in another idea. Learn More -http://purposedriven.com/

I saw that  status update from Purpose Driven Life’s Facebook and somehow I have likened it to dealing with pain. It’s true that the more you fight it, the more it becomes alluring, the more you want people to understand you, the more you want others to empathize your situation, but that results to vanity. You see only your self, your feelings and not how others are feeling. The more you fight it, the more it consumes you. So when it comes to pain, let it go and hand it to God, He knows what to do with it. That’s what it means to refocus too. Do not look at the pain but look at God. If you continue looking at Him, you will eventually find yourself thinking of other things besides your pain. Looking at God is like a drug, once you see His goodness and His awesomeness, it won’t be enough, you would ask for more but that’s where the similarity ends, unlike drugs, God is not bad for your health, it is otherwise.

When our visions are fogged by the pain, the quickest way to elude its tempting pull into misery is by refocusing our eyes on the Lord. When you feel the overwhelming fog of pain that surrounds you, look for the light, there will always be that light behind the fog. How else would you see the fog if there were only darkness? Don’t focus on the fog, focus on the lighted path. There will be fog in the path but you will never be lost if you search for the light.

What am I trying to say? In our walk with Christ, there will be pain, I assure you, there will be a lot of heart aches and heart breaks, but do not be discourage, for we have Light that guides us to the right path. No matter how thick the fog is there would be a light that would shine in the darkness. Hold on to that light. Continue walking towards it. Don’t fight the fog, instead, hold up the light. Let it shine on your path, one step at a time.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.

Philippians 4:8

Refocus your pain into something good, better yet, focus on God.

One year

I am officially working for Imagine Nation Photography for a year! Yay! It’s my “workiversary” or something.

(Side comment: My internet connection was cruel to me. It showed four bars but I was not getting any connection from it. *sigh*)

I should be really glad that I have another milestone in my career and I’m glad, but I’m not ecstatic over it. You see, last week, we started to work at home or “home-based” as they call it and I‘m not really fond of it. Though it has its perks because you get to control your time and you’re not restricted to an office environment, I just liked the separation of location of my work and where I relax. I am used to the idea that I go somewhere else to work. So what would happen if we are home-based? We would be project based (less income) and we would be working at home (obviously.) Some of my office mates, who were graphic artists in the production team, have no qualms on the matter but seeing that I’m not overly productive at home, I saw it as a challenge. I have to manage my time wisely in order for me to be more productive and I have to look for extra income.

I am hoping to find peace and strength in Christ as these things happen. I do not know what the future has in store for me, but I find comfort in knowing who holds my future. I am hoping that my mind would stop worrying and my heart would stop crumbling. But you know what, I’m glad that this happened because in times like this I seek His face the most. I am stubborn and I tend to do things my own way but His ways are greater and His plans are bigger, it would only make sense to let Him handle what I could not, which I should have done in the first place. Then, the pieces would just fall into place instead of letting fall into a different puzzle.

A broken heart

 

A broken spirit and a contrite heart
You will not despise,
You will not despise
You desire truth in the inward parts
A broken spirit and a contrite heart
Lord, my heart is prone to wander
Prone to leave, the God I love
Here's my heart, Lord take and seal it
Seal it for,
Your courts above

This song has been sung for ages for it rang true of what God wanted us to offer Him. He does not delight in sacrifice nor take pleasure in burnt offerings. The best offering or sacrifice we can give Him is a broken spirit and a repenting heart.

He has told us about this before, in the times of Cain and Abel. God does not need you to bring glory to Him. He could do it by Himself. He could appoint other people to reveal Himself to others. He does not need your efforts. He does not need you either. Yet, He chose to reveal Himself to you in things you did not imagine, in vessels you did not expect. God wants your heart. A heart in line with His heart.

My prayer for this reflection…

¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
¹¹ Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Psalm 51: 10-12

http://youtu.be/DwudqCO7mSQ

Often times we have heard about God not changing the situation, because He changes the heart. I pray that God would move our hearts, like what He did with the Pharaoh in Moses’ time. I pray the God would move our hearts and change it to whatever He deem best. I pray that God would convict our hearts to be repentant, that we can come before Him with a pure heart and a willing spirit. I pray that He would continually reveal Himself to us, that our bond would be strengthen by these circumstances, and that I would not waver in trusting Him for He has not wavered in being faithful to me; He has never changed.

May His grace sustain us in the things we do for God. May the Holy Spirit continually convict us to focus our eyes on the true prize and guide us when we wander from His love.

May we find joy and peace in Christ.

2014 goals

 

My Friday Bible Study group and I watched Frozen earlier because of a persistent group member who recommended it. He got us intrigued so we watched it, which we did not regret because it was fascinating. The ending was foreseeable because it IS Disney therefore we expected a happy ending but what I did not expect was how love was depicted. I am glad that Frozen has a timely moral lesson, something I haven’t seen since Lilo and Stitch. It has reminded us that there is no “love at first sight,” that sometimes we think we think withdrawing from people would avoid hurting them but it does otherwise, that love comes in places we least expect it, and that love conquers all.

Frozen was more than a love story. It was more than love at first sight, more than finding your true love. It was about fixing lost relationships, about being indifferent. It was about family. No matter what happens, no matter who comes by, nothing can ever take the fact that you are bonded with your family.

Frozen made me realize what my goals would be next year, since this year I have accomplished, through God’s grace, my goals for the year 2013, which was getting a career and focusing on ministries. God has been generous with both. I have prayed for a career where I would grow and love what I do, so far, I am loving what I’m doing and enjoying the people God has introduced me in my work place. God has also allowed me to grow in my ministries especially in music department.

Hence, here are my goals for 2014:

• Relationships. Renewing relationship with current friends and family, hoping for a more Christ-inspired one. Severing ties with people who are distressing me and my relationship with God.
• Ministries. I want to grow more in the music ministry whether in my home church or in the fellowship at work. God has given me two hands, an ability to hear notes and read them, and an electric keyboard, so I pray that he would use me.
• Financial stability. I want to save money for my future.
• Small group. I have been praying for a small group but only after I’m financially stable, but if God wills it on 2014, why not?!

Last year, I have 2 goals, and now, it has doubled. May I be continually reminded of God’s grace and may God be glorified in my goals.

Hello March

 

Hi there, March. I would try and blog as much as I can. Why? Just because I want to practice myself in expressing my thoughts through organized words. Gah!

Anyway, updates on my work. None. I still have no job and I plan to have one before March ends. I am pretty sure that I should blame myself for having no job offers yet because I haven’t been REALLY trying. One reason would be, I want to be fully prepared when I do this “job hunt,” because if I’m not prepared I would lack the confidence. I want a fresh start and I want to do everything right. I want to do it in my own terms, but, of course, in God’s terms too. I know that it would too much to ask for a Christian environment at work but I’m praying that God would put me where I could work on His ministry and of course, do my artsy fartsy thingies too.

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I hate it when my playlist play what I feel. I have decided to shrug off my “love life” and any “pursuits for my love life happiness” because I really plan to stick with my “work first” motto this year. So far, my plan is not working, because I have no work. (no pun intended)

I should also be evaluating my Christian life. I was reminded of the “salt and light” verse in the Bible today, and I was thinking, have I been shining for God lately? I honestly think that I am not.

What am I going to do? Try?

No.

I am going to try harder. I really hope that God would give me the strength to flip off my pride so that He could start working in me again, because I am pretty sure that I haven’t been on the “fiery” phase of my Christian life.

Another reminder for today? God gave me a broken heart for me to focus on Him while he mends it. He was steering me in a different direction, telling me that He has another plan for me. Someone who He thinks fit. And there’s nothing for me to do but to trust Him.

Friday BS

 

I have to say that this is not about anyone’s bullshit that was made on a Friday. BS stands for Bible Study. I know you are about to click the exit button from the moment you saw the word “bible”. And I’m not sure if you have religious allergies or not, but I’m pretty sure you know where this is going.

First things first. What we have been discussing in our Bible Study these past weeks? It was about the Indescribable magnitude of God’s awesomeness. Our little human minds cannot fathom nor grasp the enormous knowledge thrust to us by our Heavenly Father through his unworldly works. What am I saying? Fire up Google and search for “the universe”. Who says science and religion cannot work together? Just the mere photo of the sun makes us wonder who our God really is.

Our BS group have been watching two films about the earth, the universe, and the human body. The speaker explained to us how far the earth is to its neighboring galaxies and how big the stars around it. He clarified that they were not the twinkle twinkle “little” star we used to sing in our nursery years, but humongous entities floating in the universe, gazillions larger than the earth. The sun, as he implied, was a speck of dust, considering that the earth is millions smaller than the sun. We are infinitesimal, teeny-weeny, insignificant organism in God’s grandiose artwork. If I were to compare the Universe and the unexplored heavenly bodies out there to a canvass painting, we, the human beings are not in the picture. We are not even in the filament of the strands of the canvass. We are insignificant, and yet, we are considered miracles.

Yes, I am on my way to telling you that you are special. We, the infinitesimal, teeny-weeny, not even a speck of dust, insignificant beings of the earth, are special. God made sure that we are special. We are tiny organisms that was designed by an awesome God with epic designs and details. Even our chromosomes were designed perfectly and intricately by God.

Here’s an interesting piece of trivia that will baffle you.Google search the word, laminin. Well, okay, searched it for you…

 

So what does it tells us? Like I told you earlier, God designed us intricately and knows us by each cell, particle, and molecule. He even designed a detailed and scientific proof of the uniqueness of each human being, and that is by looking into our DNAs.

For how many millennia has God reassured us of his unending love for us. He even declared it through his Son, Jesus Christ, yet we think that He is not good for us. Why? We have our own reasons. But you know, God is not a quitter. He will never ever quit on us. He will always give us an option to make a U-turn. His arms are always open.

Patience, wait, hope, golf ball, Sirius, Canus Majoris, Pollux, earth, sun, empire state building ; these are the random words that I got out of the video. Conclusion? God gives strength to those who wait and hope. He does not promise a smooth sailing journey, nor a 5-star treatment from the people around you, but He promised to give you the strength to keep you going on, for you to keep moving forward, and forward, and forward, and forward, until the day of our reunion with Him. That promise still stands.

Life's Realization

While I was thoroughly ravishing my meal (ginataang alimasag na may kalabasa) the other day, I was watching a film starring Charlize Theron, Stuart Townsend, Dakota Fanning and Kevin Bacon. I still don't know the title but I know I've seen it before. Stuart Townsend was a medical person, um, I don't know if he's a doctor or he specializes something but Kevin Bacon was getting revenge by kidnapping Townsend's kid, Dakota. To make the long story short, good guys win. *laughs*


Anyway, Townsend's profession (though I don't know exactly what it was) made me ponder what I want in my life. My best friend is studying Medicine, and I'm not even a graduate. *sigh* Then , I thought of the things that made my life worthwhile... and it all summed up to one. I want to help other people. I may not doing enough things but it will be my life's goal. I may not be the best in my profession but if an opportunity presents itself, I would be willing to help anybody.


If I remember correctly, the things that I enjoyed doing were mostly people oriented. Like when I was in high school, I ran for Student Council and won the secretary position, that was in my Senior year. Okay, I'm going to enumerate some of the memorable things that I enjoyed doing, or some of my accomplishments. Hmmm.. When I was in nursery, my mom told me that I was in the honor roll, I was in third place, I think. Then in my elementary days, grade 3, I think, I won my first spelling bee, with the help of my team mate, Ken ( I think he did all the work though, hehe) I can't remember if it's in my grade 3 year, but I joined a declamation contest, I can still remember some lines.

 "His face, his face" 

*laughs* yup! that's it. That's why I lost that contest 'cause I can't remember my lines. hihi. Anyway, I joined another declamation after that and here are some lines to give you a clue..

 " Alms, alms, spare me a piece of bread. Spare me your mercy. I am child so young, so thin and so rugged... Why are you staring at me? Do you know my mother? Do you know my father? Did you know me 5 years ago? Yes, 5 years of bitterness have passed..." 

and that's all I can remember. (Here's a link to see the full piece) Okay. I think I joined the art club and the social science club and that was when I realize that I love art. I joined a poster making contest in my 6th grade and won. I can still remember that someone dumped my poster in the trash after it was displayed in the halls of our school. I cried  but it was all in the past. I remember my drawing was about the twin towers and Osama Bin Laden was falling off the top of the towers while the people below hold hands and unite around the globe. Haha! I know, cliche drawing but hey, at least I won. *winks*


 Now for my high school years, I joined the glee club, got active with my spiritual life, joined Student Fellowship and eventually became a Christian. It was in the 2nd year of my high school when my mom allowed me to go to a Summer camp hosted by the church of our school, and that year I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. After that, my life evolved in church and school. So yes, I'm a goody two shoes. 


Oh, I almost forgot, ever since grade school, I love bringing food for our recess because sometimes there's not enough time to go down and buy food in the canteen or sometimes we need to copy homework in our recess so we just eat in class. I remember that I'm always the one with the food and I love sharing it to them if I have spare. I think one trait my mom gave me was being generous with food. haha! Anyway, in my 4 years of highschool I get to direct 3 plays, I think. Florante and Laura, Noli Me Tangere and El Fili. Or was I the music director, I can't remember exactly but I used to direct plays in our Filipino class. I was also Emcee to one of our Linggo ng Wika, and I was partnered with the School President that time. We also participated in dance numbers and singing competition. Oh yeah, Chinese singing competition, I can still remember the face of the judges and how we practiced for it. Uhm... I also was part of the design team for our Teacher's day, it was themed like the Academy Awards with the red carpet and all. :) Every now and then I get called in the church to design some things.. haha.


For the conclusion, "makapal mukha ko" Hahaha! I think I'm an artsy fartsy person since I was a kid. I have no qualms about being in front of people, less stage frights.


So now, why did I say all those things? I just want to remind myself that I chose the right course for me. Advertising may have it's disadvantages but I know I love it even if I'm not familiar with it as much as other people do. I am the person who would love to help you even if I'm not in the limelight. (though sometimes I would like to be acknowledged)


In ending, I may not have a strong ambition like others who aspire to become the president of the country or own a billion's worth of company. I simply want to work and enhance my abilities to its fullest potentials and just help people with the ability God has given me. The best thing that would ever happen to my life is to fulfill God's work and be his hands and feet. I want to use my ability to help people see what I see in God or if possible, even more than I see God.


We walk in this beautiful earth and still not believe in the greatness of God. We see wonderful places and still not believe in its Creator. We don't even praise Him or some wouldn't even spare a glance at His compassion. This is the part when I say, I will come back with a heart for worship... I will come back Father God, I will, no matter what happens.

crazy stupid love

 I watched "Crazy, stupid, love" last saturday night with my friends. My friends treated us dinner because it's their birthday. Funny how they treated us, instead of us treating them. Anyway, we watched the movie after eating our fills. The movie was interesting and gave us unexpected twists. What's more interesting is while we were watching the movie we had a fire scare. In the middle of the movie, the cinema smelled funny, like burnt rubber or burnt electric wire. People started to walk out of the cinema, some asked the cinema officer what was the smell. Some of my friends panicked, though I'm worried, I didn't panicked because the fire exit was within my view, so I just sat there. AI also thought that I'm saved, so I don't care if I die at that moment. The movie continued regardless of the fire scare, so we might have skipped some juicy scenes, but no matter, we finished the movie (and we're still alive) that's the important thing.

Some of the scenes I liked was when Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone was about to make love but was postponed because Emma talks too much, instead they had a very long and intimate, and rather entertaining conversation. And it made me think... that's what I want.. to have a relationship with a person who will have loads of fun talking to me. Our conversations will not be strained but we will be volleying each other with our thoughts, emotions, dreams... (it's so cliche when i say this, but wth) it's as if as we are one.

I'm in my dreamy state again, hoping and romanticizing situations, but the hard part is waiting, waiting for the controversial "it" to come.

♫ The aftertaste is gonna break my heart, feels like it's over before it starts, The aftertaste is gonna break my heart... ♪


 Just felt like putting that in... anyway, here's another poem...

Here I go again
This feeling that I can't explain
I'm confused and amused
Thought I had enough
but I wanted more
Here I go again
Singing in the shower
and in the rain
reaping anxiety and
planting pain
Here I go again
This feeling that I can't contain
grappling like a hurricane
It's driving me insane.

 Another poem, another release, another catharsis. Same old dilemma but different people.

I'm rereading Hunger Games, just thought you might want to know. :P I still love Cinna. He ignited the flame and made Katniss the fire. He is one superb character, his quiet passion is what attracts me. He is brilliantly made.


That's all I have to say for now... Ciao!