Not for me

 

He’s perfect but he’s not for me.

I have found a man who almost completed my checklist. He fell short at the age arena. And it sucks because people has been telling me that we “click” but the age thing was just the hindrance and maybe we could just wait it out and see what happens. I say, it’s not the age that prevents an “us” from happening. It’s him.

Unless he moves nothing would happen. Or unless God moves His hand, nothing will happen.

But see, there’s a problem. I’ve fallen for him. I have felt what the other people felt about us. There was a connection, but I doubt it would deepen. It’s just sad because I know it is one-sided.

I guess this will be another addition to the list of my heart breaks. Still I thank God for giving them because I get to learn something.

I remember praying for someone who I can work with in my ministries. Someone who has the same passion for music, books, and God. Someone who could make me focus more in being Christ-like. Someone who has the patience to understand my roots and my quirkiness. I prayed for someone to be my partner in life so that we can testify God’s love through our relationship. I wanted my relationship to be a part of my worship as well.

You know what, instead of praying for this someone to fall for me, I should be praying for my heart. It is distracted yet again. May the Lord help me focus on His words and His love alone. May I thirst for Him earnestly everyday.

 

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By the way, I have been blogging on my Tumblr account since December 2015. I made a Tumblr account because I couldn’t spot a blogger app on my android phone. Since it’s easier posting photos on Tumblr and since it was the only “blogging” app that looked reliable for my phone, I decided to use it.  Visit www.amayoca.tumblr.com to see more of my posts.

What do I have to learn?

 

What do I have to learn, O God, before I understand this pain that you have bestowed upon me? I have felt it a couple of times already and I feel like I haven’t fully understand what you want me to learn. Is this the time where you break me? Is this it, Father?

Oh Father God, when will I learn it? I am tired of feeling the same way. I’m tired of being so distracted and confused when I feel like I’m leaning towards you again. I miss you so much, Father God and I wish that I could be with you now, but I know that work must be done. Please, Father, let the Holy Spirit work in me, Father, that I would always remember your Words, your advices.

I would gladly pray for this burden to be lifted but Father if this is part of your awesome plan in my life… I would only pray for strength to endure it and to learn from it. I ask for nothing more than your Guidance, Father. You alone knows me and my heart. I pray that You would be my strength. It might not be clear today but I know You hold my life therefore I am at peace. I’m just confused Father. My emotions are reigning in me and it is difficult.

Thank you Father God for the books that you gave me to help me ease some of my confused thoughts and for giving me friends who I know were inspired by you to counsel me when I needed it. I am eternally grateful to You. I love you.