The Picture of Dorian Gray

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

An elaborate tale of a young man, Dorian Gray, who was introduced to vanity and was reared by a vile amoral influence, Lord Henry Wotton. Even though Basil Howard, his friend, tried to pry him from the claws of the wicked ways, Dorian Gray had already traded his soul to the immoral pleasures of the world.
This was a tragic tale. No heroine to root for and not a single thing to love. The only thing you could take from this book was the lesson of having a narcissistic life. You have nothing to gain from the immoral pleasures of the world aside from temporary satisfaction. This book was a reminder of what was important in life than having a good time, which was having a friend who rebukes you to lead you to the right path, and a friend who would stick to you in the worst of times.
I would still recommend it but only to those who have strong sense of their values because this book is not for the easily swayed. I would recommend it for it’s a classic.
My rating: 3 out of 5

Clockwork Princess

 

"At last, the wheel comes full circle..."

 

Clockwork Princess (Infernal Devices #3) by Cassandra Clare

I could not ask for a better ending than this, but I could ask for another book! The conclusion was similar with Mockingjay and the Deathly Hallows; our beloved characters have their hearts broken and was mended over time, then lived through their days in contentment or as they say, "happily ever after."

Even though the Mortmain issue was resolved in a predictable manner, I was very taken by the peculiar love triangle between Jem, Tessa, and Will. I had to pause my reading several times because I was in an emotional distress with Jem's dire situation. In the wee hours of the morning, I was crying silently trying to relieve some of the agony Jem has given me in the first half of the book. I have fallen for Jem's character more than Will's and I guess because he was musically inclined and naturally sweet in a shy kind of way. Don't get me wrong, I love Will's character as well because he was a book nerd and who wouldn't fall for someone who quoted the classics? With his flowery words and sarcastic antics, Will could be our generation's Mr. Darcy.

If this novel would have a classical music soundtrack it would be Paganini's Violin Sonata 6 together with Antonio Vitali's Chaconne and Elgar's Salut d'Amour. Listen to it, you'll know what I mean.

Have you ever heard a violin when it glides over a high note and produces that thin string sound that makes your heart soar? Or when a cello plunges into a series of pulsing notes caressing it with a vibrato and gives you a melancholic feel? I have felt those in the scenes mostly when Jem was in. This book has been a musical ride. I felt like every scene had a classical song accompaniment in my head. I was emotionally taken by the exceedingly passionate confessions of love from both Jem and Will. Both sweet in their own way and both rang of purity and honesty.

-----

I have so much to say about this novel but I still have to gather my thoughts about the other characters so that my review wouldn't be all fan-girling about Jem and Will. I would edit this review when I have read it again and have settled my feelings over the things that have happened. I am still overwhelmed. Whew!

I would leave by saying that Madam Cassandra Clare has scored not only a 5 starred rating but a "turkey."

*applauds*

I don’t care, but I do.

 

I don’t care if I have a crappy blog. I have written what I have felt. This was and is purely for my entertainment and for my sanity and you, those of you who are reading this are the privileged ones. (Or not.) You could see what transpires in this mind and the quirkiness of my personality. If it’s too much for you, then go click the close button.

Where did this rant came from?

I was, as usual, attacking my self-esteem again. I was searching for inspirations in the internet but it turned out quite the opposite. I have realized that I am writing a crappy blog. Most of you would tell me that I should be encouraged to strive and make it as a blog that I like it to be, but I usually have these moments when I wallow and stab my self-esteem. I usually have these moments when I get envious of their ability and instead of striving to achieve that level of ability, I go to my corner and curl up. I know that it’s a bad thing and that I should stop wallowing but this is who I am.

I am frustrated with the fact that I could do better but I am not doing it, or even striving to be one. I am annoyed with myself for being so lazy and for wasting the minutes of my life. I am so angry with myself because I am not using the best of my abilities. I am so ashamed of myself because I am besmirching the name of God. I should be Christ’s ambassador to all the non- believers but I am not letting Him use me. I am relying again on my own strength when I should be relying on Him alone.

I should be humbled by His grace.

If you are reading this, please pray for me. May my thoughts be shrouded by His light and may my heart be right before His eyes. Thank you. I guess I’ll be praying for you too.

Misunderstood

“The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them -- words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a tellar but for want of an understanding ear.”
—Stephen King

Once upon a time, I felt that way. A time when I couldn't express what I wanted to say and how I felt, because the words wouldn't come out right. A time when I wanted to rip my heart out to save my friends the time deciphering it. A time when I just cried because the time has arrived to tell them  but I wasted it because I feared that I would be misunderstood.

Either way, I was misunderstood.
I am always misunderstood... because I am weird.

Cuteness overload

I have to post this here. My friends know that I adore bunnies and here is one. It's so cute!!!!

I'm really sorry that I can't cite the source because I only saw this in a friend's plurk post and downloaded it immediately. The post was buried in my list so... it's kind of hard to search for it again. What I'm trying to say is, THIS IS NOT MINE, I am not the owner of this picture, got it off the internet. 

I really love it when bunnies do that nose wiggling thing. Hnnng! it's so fluffehhh! Whenever I see a bunny, I go Agnes-like (Despicable Me)

There. Bask in it's cuteness! hnnnnggg! 

I will live to praise Your Name, always.

 

If you know me, you must know that I love music. I adore music. And if I have a golden voice, I would sing everyday and always. Even though I don’t have an angelic or soul lifting voice, I still want to use what God has given me. I am blessed to be singing in our church’s choir and to be learning new songs about God. It is such a pleasure to be reading words and notes and see/hear them come alive when the choir blends these melodic sounds. And I promise that as long as I have my voice I will continue praising God with it, I will use it to tell His Story to everyone.

I pray that God will give me the right heart to serve Him. The heart that longs to worship him in every beat and every move it makes. A heart that thrives to glorify His name.

---

We were practicing our Summer Camp songs earlier in our church and we came by an old favorite of mine back in high school when I used to lead the singspiration in our student fellowships. The song was entitled “Always.” It goes like this.

I Love To Sing Your Praises My Sweet Savior
And Remind My Heart Of What You've Done For Me
When I Think Of All The Ways That You’Ve Been Faithful
I Rejoice To Know That's How You'll Always Be

Always Forever And Ever
You Will Be My God
You Will Always Be The Shepherd Of My Soul
Always Forever And Ever
You Will Be My God
You Will Always Be The Same
And Forever You Will Reign
I Will Live To Praise Your Name Always

 

I’d like this to be the theme song for the first quarter of my 2013… reminders of what God has done for me… How I love to sing His praises… and His promise that He will Always be the same forever. And I pray that God will let me live to praise His name… always.

Checklist

Before my thoughts scatter in the realm of the unknown, I have to tell you something that happened in our Bible Study earlier. Let me fast forward to the prayer requests… Our leader was asking for our prayer requests and most of my fellow members were insisting on praying for my love life ( and I dare not delve on the others’ prayer requests)  “God’s Best” as they coined it, our inside joke. At first, I was adamant to not focus my prayer request to my love life, but they gave me the “ticking body clock” talk so I caved in and let them include my love life in my prayer request. So I guess, I have half-heartedly prayed for my love life?
Anyhoo, after the prayer I got scared, ‘cause what if God readily agrees to my prayer and gives me a “love life.” I mean, yes, of course, I’d be grateful but I’m just really scared. I’m not ready to have a relationship. Period. I think I’m not mature yet to handle a relationship and I haven’t been a good Christian lately. If I couldn’t focus on God, what more if I’m in a relationship.  But if God would give me a Christian boyfriend who would bring me closer to Him, then, bring it on!!! I’d welcome him with open arms!

While I was lurking in fb, filtering through my unread notifications and news feed, I saw a goofy photo of my friend, then some mad photo manipulation by a friend. The photo manip , for me, implied that the guy was a cool dude. It occurred to me that some guys like to be cool in front of the girls. Well,  I want my man to be goofy and to be not afraid of looking silly or not cool. I’m not asking for someone who doesn’t have self preservation but someone who enjoys the moment and someone who laughs at their mistakes. With this in my mind, I draw my checklist.

1. growing Christian (Protestant) (deal breaker)
2. Taller than me (please lang ang liit ko na, tapos mas maliit pa siya?!)
3. good mannered / gentleman
4. speaks the English language fluently
5. Potterhead (I dream of a HP inspired wedding. LOL)

Major turn on’s:

• Cool Nerd. (Brain is the new sexy)
• Potterhead
• fluent in English
• Book Worm
• Smells good
• Nice taste in music
• sculpted biceps
• expressive eyes
• Manly voice (Alan Rickman-ish)
• sense of humor

many more to come, I am sleepy. Will be updated further in one my next posts.

Uglies

Honestly, I wasn't excited to read this book. I was only intrigued by the good reviews from my friends so I decided to give this book a chance. It turned out well.
Though there were twists that I found predictable, such as David and Tally's romantic affair, the detonated tracker, and the Specials, I was still intrigued by the history of the different towns. I was also curious in progress of David and Tally's relationship.
I guess I'll have to read the other books to determine where I stand. Would I love this series or not?
*on to the next book*
*** Will edit this when I have something better to say >.<

Verdict: 3 out of 5 stars.

My Cherie Amour

 

La la la la la la, La la la la la la La la la la la la, La la la la la la ♪♫

For some odd reason, Stevie Wonder’s My Cherie Amour got stuck in my head since last night. And I was thinking, if I were to score a rich dude with a fancy-shmancy attitude, I’d like him to call me, Mon Cherie, at least once. Or when we’re in a cheestastic mood.

But a girl could only dream.

It’s not like Matty Mckibben would fall down from the sky or maybe Alex Pettyfer, and I highly  doubt it if God would give me a fairy tale love life, all I’ve got is a fart-y tale. I wouldn’t mind if He did, girls are suckers for prince charming’s. Well, most of us, some go for the bad-ass dudes.

Anyway, I’m still playing My Cherie Amour and would be the song for this night as well. I would play it until I get tired of it. Give or take, two days, maybe? While I’m at it, why won’t you listen or sing along with me!

 

 

Here’s the lyrics:

"My Cherie Amour"

La la la la la la, La la la la la la
My cherie amour, lovely as a summer day
My cherie amour, distant as the milky way
My cherie amour, pretty little one that I adore
You're the only girl my heart beats for
How I wish that you were mine
In a cafe or sometimes on a crowded street
I've been near you, but you never noticed me
My cherie amour, won't you tell me how could you ignore
That behind that little smile I wore
How I wish that you were mine
La la la la la la, La la la la la la
La la la la la la, La la la la la la
Maybe someday, you'll see my face among the crowd
Maybe someday, I'll share your little distant cloud
Oh, cherie amour, pretty little one that I adore
You're the only girl my heart beats for
How I wish that you were mine
La la la la la la, La la la la la la
La la la la la la, La la la la la la

 

It’s such a sweet song. Thanks to Silver Linings Playbook, I remembered how beautiful the song was again.

Hello March

 

Hi there, March. I would try and blog as much as I can. Why? Just because I want to practice myself in expressing my thoughts through organized words. Gah!

Anyway, updates on my work. None. I still have no job and I plan to have one before March ends. I am pretty sure that I should blame myself for having no job offers yet because I haven’t been REALLY trying. One reason would be, I want to be fully prepared when I do this “job hunt,” because if I’m not prepared I would lack the confidence. I want a fresh start and I want to do everything right. I want to do it in my own terms, but, of course, in God’s terms too. I know that it would too much to ask for a Christian environment at work but I’m praying that God would put me where I could work on His ministry and of course, do my artsy fartsy thingies too.

---

I hate it when my playlist play what I feel. I have decided to shrug off my “love life” and any “pursuits for my love life happiness” because I really plan to stick with my “work first” motto this year. So far, my plan is not working, because I have no work. (no pun intended)

I should also be evaluating my Christian life. I was reminded of the “salt and light” verse in the Bible today, and I was thinking, have I been shining for God lately? I honestly think that I am not.

What am I going to do? Try?

No.

I am going to try harder. I really hope that God would give me the strength to flip off my pride so that He could start working in me again, because I am pretty sure that I haven’t been on the “fiery” phase of my Christian life.

Another reminder for today? God gave me a broken heart for me to focus on Him while he mends it. He was steering me in a different direction, telling me that He has another plan for me. Someone who He thinks fit. And there’s nothing for me to do but to trust Him.

peachy chic

peachy chic by anatoots featuring silk pants

Off the shoulder shirt
$15 - newlook.com

Sass & Bide silk pants
sassandbide.com

Christian Louboutin platform pumps
mytheresa.com

Mulberry leather satchel
mytheresa.com

Amrita Singh set of bangle
amritasingh.com

Urban outfitter
urbanoutfitters.co.uk

Mortal Instruments: City of Lost Souls

I have finally read the fifth book of the Mortal Instrument series, City of Lost Souls by Cassandra Clare.

What you wouldn't miss about this book was the kissing. There's a lot of mouth to mouth action. After reading this, I'm like, "what just happened?"


Aside from the abundance in the kissing department, there had been a lot of Magnus and Alec action too! Fans of Malec would squeal their lungs out! As a matter of fact, most of them were paired up only Sebastian was left out, which is understandable since he planned to wreaked havoc with his dear old daddy.


The only progress I saw in this book was the growth in the relationship of the minor characters, in Alec and Magnus, Izzy and Simon, Maia and Jordan. Other than that, it was the same old plot, Clary saving the world while Jace was helpless and possessed. In most of the scenes, Clary and Jace were making out... so yea, not much progress there.


As much as I liked the series, I am not excited for the next book as I was with the others. I would only read it for more information about Magnus' origin which I hope would be in the Bane Chronicles. Actually, I was really wondering who was this powerful father of Magnus. And yes, I wouldn't say no to some more of Alec and Magnus.


Verdict: 3 out 5 stars

A Prey Once Again

 

I was reading City of Lost Souls by Cassandra Clare earlier and came upon a line from Pablo Neruda’s poem. It was one of my favorite poems and I cannot resist the pull of posting it here since it is far too intimate for FB. Here’s the poem…

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way than this:
where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep. "
— Pablo Neruda

 

I don’t know if it was a coincidence or some stupid concoction of my overly assuming mind, but I have fallen prey to infatuation again. I’m afraid to be infatuated for the things I do only add to the things I was ashamed of. I am tired of looking like a fool in front of the person I like. And I am tired of gnawing ache that I could not seem to shake off every time I think of that person.

Because of you, the heady perfumes of
Summer pain me; because of you, I again
Seek out the signs that precipitate desires:
Shooting stars, falling objects."
— Pablo Neruda

Thus, I should have a job soon. Something to preoccupy my mind.

and it was all yellow

and it was all yellow by anatoots featuring a gold metal belt

Glamorous cropped t shirt
$26 - awear.com

Wide leg linen pants
$565 - avenue32.com

Giuseppe Zanotti t-strap heels
$730 - oxygenboutique.com

Oversized handbag
needsupply.com

Free People fedora hat
freepeople.com

2b gold metal belt
2bstores.com

Clockwork Prince

I have decided to start posting my reviews here on my blog, which was my plan before but was postponed due to my poor memory and laziness. Anyway, without further ado... my review on Cassandra Clare's Clockwork Prince.

Clockwork Prince is my new favourite among all Cassandra Clare's books.

This book reminded me of a lot of scenes from different books, but mostly from the Harry Potter series (sorry, Potterhead here)...

1. Jem and Will's parabatai relationship reminded me of Jonathan and David in the Bible
2. The Lightwoods reminded me of the Malfoys in Harry Potter.
3. Henry was like Arthur Weasley in Harry Potter, who loved to tinker with muggle(non-magic folk) things.
4. Henry's invention, the Phospor reminded me of Dumbledore's Put-Outer.
5. I can't help but compare witchlight with the spell Lumos in Harry Potter. >.<
6. Will was like the Phantom in the Phantom of the Opera. ( I dare not elaborate for spoilers)
7. Jem reminded me of Jake in the TV series Awkward (which makes Tessa as Jenna.)
8. Mortmain was very much like Moriarty. A spider tangling you in his web.
9. No one would disagree with me when I say that Will has so many similarities with Jace.


I was not judging the book by my comparison so don't think I don't like it. I love it. As I've said it is my new favourite. What I love most about this one was how Cassandra Clare poured snarky sarcasms from Will, and balanced it with Jem's quiet rebuff, mixed with Tessa's smart remarks. I find every character interesting especially the development in the Immortals like Magnus Bane and Camille who have lived both in Mortal Instruments and Infernal Devices series.

So that's my verdict, 5 stars because I simply love it. <3

Awkward, bun head, scared and free

 

Every time I watch an episode of MTV’s Awkward, I am motivated to blog. One reason is that I love Jenna’s play of words, so I commend whoever is the writer of the series. Another reason is that my mind goes to different places after I watch it, a lot of pondering happens. I had the same feeling with One Tree Hill but I was not big on blogging in those days, or was I?

Anyhoo, (change of topic) I want my hair to grow long so I can do a messy bun, and then I can shave my head again when summer starts. But I have a bigger dilemma than that.

This is my last day at work and I’m scared of what will happen next, mostly because of financial strains. I should say that I regret leaving my job without a new job offer, but I am not, I shouldn’t be, because I am going to use this time not only to find myself again but to shape myself up for another chapter of my life. I need to do this because I can’t lean on the people around me as often as I do. I need to be independent. I need to do this by myself or else I won’t learn. And while typing that, I’m beginning to see myself wanting to prove something. And maybe, that’s true, I want to prove something but most of all, I want a job that I love. A job that will be motivating me to wake up in the morning. A job that will give me a feeling of self-fulfillment.

I might be asking too much considering the job crisis in the country, but I cannot just stand by and watch life fly by, knowing that I have so much to offer. I have to step out of my comfort zone and start doing something. Something fulfilling. Something I love.

But then, only if God wills it. This is my cry and I pray that God will guide me.

This is the day

This is the day

Gone are the days when we weep or cry
This time we stand up, we must  try.
This is the day, a brand new door
Here it is, what are you waiting for?

Stop all the folly and focus on what's right
Never quit, do everything with all your might.
Though the sun may turn into a dark night
Wait for the dawn and hold on to the light.

 

 

Not my best, but yea…

What I have to say for the year 2013…

… it is going to my year.

Technically, it is my year because I was born on the year of the snake. Kidding aside, I really would like to make this my year. I want a new job, a new wardrobe, and a new perspective in life.

But of course, if only God would will it.

Anyway, I was thinking about my love life too. Since I’m not having one, I have decided that I would be a workaholic this year. All my time would be spent with work, church, family, and friends. Frankly, nothing changed. *grimace* I have a feeling that this year would not be a year for my love life… because I would strive hard to not think about it. But then, I’m all talk.

Again, if only God would will it.

One thing is certain, I will not join any fun-run this year… or ever. That I promise to fulfill. I personally think that it is pointless to pay for just running. I know that there are the perks but I still think it’s pointless. This is just my opinion so I apologize if I have offended anybody.

This year, I hope that God would let me be a “fruitcake” to somebody. I pray that my faith in His works would strengthen, and that I might please Him more in my ways.

Cold Holiday

 

You would be amazed with my family and how they could dampen the holidays. Aside from assembling the Christmas tree two days before Christmas and the Christmas meal we should have taken together, you would rather take your brains out than hear the endless complaining and sermons from the older generation of the family.

For starters, we did not ask for a grand meal. Our wishes were simple, that we could spend the holidays together and just be a family, well, maybe have a few of our favorite home-cooked dishes. No bickering, no backstabbing, no sarcastic remarks, just pure unadulterated family gathering, enjoying each other’s company.

As you could sense from my blog rant, I am not in a festive mood. Everybody’s tensed, laughter was limited, everybody is just so tired of… everybody... and everything. So yeah, happy new year.

Birthday Cake Pt. 2

My wish of having cakes on my birthday was fulfilled. I could not ask for more. I should be satisfied because I’ve said that as long as I have cakes on my birthday, it would be fine.

I’m not.

You see, I wished for a peaceful and simple and intimate birthday celebration with my family. I did get that at the eve of my birthday but on the day of my birthday, I can’t help but feel sad. I should blame my PMS but my birthday is just a realization that I haven’t grown well. That I have so much to learn and yet I want my life to end.

I’m so disappointed with my life and my family. We claim to be Christians but we don’t exemplify the qualities God wants us to  portray.

Before you continue reading, you must understand that I have no intention in besmirching the name of my family nor my relatives. I am merely stating the truth that is reveal in front of me. Should any of the words, phrases, or sentences were proven false, I’d gladly extract it from this blog. If proven true, it would remain.

Let me start with my mother and her siblings.

I was in high school when I saw the drift starting. The first time it dawned to me that the siblings were displaying the lust for money. It was normal for siblings to fight over money and have their ties destroyed by money. That happens in the world that we live in. everybody wants to be on top, everybody wants to be favored, everyone wants to be number one.

Then came college, the drift was farther than before. Backstabbing has been a way of life. One would toy with the each others’ emotions, One would say something bad about the other one just so he/she can be favored. I may have not seen a real war, but for me, this is one of the longest I’ve seen. Anyone would so anything to survive, even take sides. You are alone if you don’t have money. That’s how it is with my mother and her siblings (exclude the eldest). “Kapit sa patalim” Kung sino ang mayaman, doon lalapit, doon magpapabango, doon kakapit. Balimbing na kung balimbing.

What bothers me most is their relationship with each other. It has been governed by money. The way they see life is disconcerting. Their minds closed because of pride.

One thing I have been thankful for is my relationship with my cousins. Unlike my mother and her siblings, my cousins have open minds.

---

I’m tired and it’s past my bed time.. my story is still unfinished, I have more to tell about my family, but it’s so depressing that I have to put it off for a while.

As usual, I’ll just sleep this off and distract myself. All I can do for now… is pray. Until I’m on my two feet again.