uneasy

I was supposed to meet with my thesis adviser yesterday but I wasn't able to. You know the term "grace under pressure", that's what happened yesterday. God gave me another chance to tweak my project. *whew* Thank you LORD!!!

Anyway, I wasn't able to watch the pyromusical either. We skipped it and played L4D2, alas, I regretted it after seeing the video on youtube. It would have been really nice to be there personally. If you haven't watched it, here's the video link.

Did you know that I have a weekly diary? It's sort of my planner, and a few of what's written are accomplished on time. hehe. I was never punctual , and I have to learn how to be one SOON! I think God is teaching me to be one but I shrug those lessons off, so yeah.

We ate at Mcdo pala yesterday and while they were ordering, I wrote a poem.

The Burial 

The night cries
of grim and murder
A body lay dead
Here comes the reaper 

A song sang in two
for the coffin 6 feet under
Lips are blue
Then a warm whisper 

"At the cypress tree
meet me, midnight sharp"

Dun dun dun... Yes, it sounded unfinished, but that's the whole poem. I'm thinking of writing the part 2. haha. By the way, this was inspired by the film, Sherlock Holmes, specifically the part where they uncover the coffin and discover that it was the ginger-head midget.

Since I was in the mood for making poems, I made tagalog poems as well...

"Pa-impress" 

Ang daming nagbago sa iyo
Pati mukha at ugali mo
Iba na talaga ang nagagawa
ng mga bagay na pang maharlika 

Lahat nasususbukan
pagkain, damit at katatagan
Ang kumagat sa pain ay talo
Pag di ka sanay, ika'y manlulumo.

and I made another one... a bit shorter, mind you.

Nang una kala ko masyado kang kakaiba,
Ayun pala katulad ka rin nila,
at mas malala pa.
Wala nang patutunguhan
and patuloy kong pagintindi
Mga palusot mong nakakarindi.

Yea, loaded with bitterness no? that poem was overdue. I should have written it earlier, they all came bursting lately.

I have this uneasy feeling because of my thesis and loads of distraction. One reply and one comment was all it took for my confidence to crumble a bit. My mind is stressed out and it's going to an "in-denial" phase where it shuns the worries and entertains distractions... like what it is doing at this moment. rawr.

I should get some sleep now, I shall resume working tomorrow. *sigh*

January 19, 2012

Ah, it’s such a comfort to be writing again. I haven’t written a decent story since September 2009. Well, I haven’t finished this one yet but I’m glad to be starting it. I hope I can finish it though… *bites lower lip* Unlike what I’ve written before, this is not a fan fiction. I am hoping to write a decent fiction… and… I can feel you doubt me. Sure, I’m not a great writer, but I can attempt, can I? Anyhoo, my inspiration for this sudden fiction is the series “Once upon a time” and some books namely, Divergent, Graceling and Fire.

It is strange to have this sudden inspiration when I am in a tight schedule. I am not done with my thesis and I am struggling to manage my time so it is really odd that inspiration should come during this time. I guess when the mind is working it can’t be help, no?

Before I conclude this blog, I am thankful for my laptop (still thinking of a name) in aiding me to write. My previous desktop, 7 years of age, was a fair companion but she was virus-stricken, thus minimizing the time for writing practice.

What else can be said aside from thanks and till next blog release? *winks* Ciao.

mercies in disguise

Blessings. The first time I listened to this song, I cried. Listen and look at the lyrics and you will know why I cried.

May you all be blessed by this song...

How my 2012 started

It's the first Sunday of the year so I spent my morning in church. Not much of what the pastor said sunk in. Sorry. hehe. Yesterday, I wrote some of my goals for 2012 and this morning, I realized that they would be awfully hard to do. 

First, I will try and quit some of the sites that i visit frequently. I'm going to focus more on God and quit thinking about my crush. I must read at least 5 books in the Bible and to have a small group, and.... i forgot the rest. hahaha!

Contrary to my previous post, I don't think I can go back to my "star". The year ended so as my hopes for him. I will try my hardest not to gaze nor look at a distance.I will simply not look.

 I'll just look above.

I came back

I came back, my star.

I was looking at a different prospect, someone who I have a chance with, but you reminded me why I should wait for you. You are years older than me and I am not in your social league but I have prayed for you.
I may be waiting in vain for you to reciprocate what I feel but I am willing to be hurt for you.


Ikaw ang aking tala
Laging suntok sa buwan.
Patuloy sa pag asa
maski bagyo ang lulan.

I don't say "I love you" just because...

"OMG, I love you!"

I know it's just an expression but I think those three words should be uttered with reverence. Before you say anything, I want to clearly state that these are my opinion, if you do not like it, stop reading and go to another blog.

Here are the things you must know about me before you start to judge me. I was born in a Chinese environment and I became a Protestant when I was in high school. I don't know if it's just my family but we don't often say "I love you" to each other.

Now, another reason why I don't say "I love you" often is because of the weight it bears. For me to declare that I love a person means taking a bullet for them, no questions asked. Also, one thing my church taught me is the love of Jesus, so for me, love is to sacrifice.

So, if I say "I love you" to you, it means that I will sacrifice some parts of my life for you. Why not, my whole life? I'm not a hypocrite, of course, I need to save some for me. When I say I love you, it means that I will love you until my last breath, no matter what happens, even if we fall apart. That is the weight of those three words for me.

 If I say "I love you" naman to a thing, common sense nalang diba? I won't take a bullet for a thing. Another clarification, this is not just a romantic "I Love You" this is the "I love you" because "I care for you".

So ayan, I just want to vent out.:P

Have a little faith...

"The secret of happiness? Be Satisfied. Be grateful. For what you have. For the love you received. And for what God has given you. That's it." 

- Albert Lewis from Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom

My Bible study leader gave me this book for my birthday and I am grateful. I've read this book not knowing about how the content will affect me but with a small knowledge that it's about faith (title said it so.) Now, I'm devouring every page and marked it by dog ears. I know how people hate to fold corners of their book  but I have no time to get a book mark or a paper to mark my favorite lines. I don't mind high-lighting them but my pen is out of reach. 


Anyway, here are some of my favorite lines and conversations...

“Look, if you say that science will eventually prove there is no God, on that I must differ. No matter how small they take it back, to a tadpole, to an atom, there is always something they can’t explain, something that created it all at the end of the search.

“And no matter how far they try to go the other way – to extend life, play around with the genes, clone this, clone that, live to one hundred and fifty – at some point, life is over. And then what happens? When the life comes to an end?”

I shrugged.

“You see?”

He leaned back. He smiled.

“When you come to the end, that’s where God begins.”



“No. You can't work your way into heaven. Anytime you try and justify yourself with works, you disqualify yourself with works. What I do here, every day, for the rest of my life, is only my way of saying, 'Lord, regardless of what eternity holds for me, let me give something back to you. I know it doesn't even no scorecard. But let me make something of my life before I go.. and then, Lord, I'm at your mercy.”

"My friends, if we tend to the things that are important in life, if we are right with those we love and behave in line with our faith, our lives will not be cursed with the aching throb of unfulfilled business. Our words will always be sincere, our embraces tight. We will never wallow in agony of 'I could have, I should have.' We can sleep in a storm.
"And when it's time, our good-byes will be complete."

“Faith is about doing. You are how you act, not just how you believe.”

“When a baby comes into the world, its hands are clenched, right? Like this?" He made a fist. "Why? Because a baby not knowing any better, wants to grab everything, to say the whole world is mine. But when an old person dies, how does he do so? With his hands open. Why? Because he has learned his lesson." "What lesson?" I asked. He stretched open his empty fingers. "We can take nothing with us.”



“A little girl came home from school with a drawing she'd made in class.She danced into the kitchen ,where her mother was preparing dinner.
"Mom,guess what ?" she squealed waving the drawing .
her mother never looked up.
"what"? she said ,tending to the pots.
"guess what?" the child repeated ,waving the drawings.
"what?" the mother said , tending to the plates.
"Mom, you're not listening"
"sweetie,yes I am"
"Mom" the child said "you're not listening with your EYES”




“Are you seeing anyone romantically?" he inquired.
"No, I'm not," she replied.
"Good. Please keep it that way. Because I intend to ask you to marry me.”



Can you predict which marriages will survive? I asked. "Sometimes," he said. "If they're communicating well, they have a good chance. If they have a similar belief system, similar values, they have a good chance."
What about love?
"Love they should always have. But love changes."
What do you mean?
"Love-the infatuation kind - 'he's so handsome, she's so beautiful'-that can shrivel. As soon as something goes wrong, that kind of love can fly out the window. On the other hand, a true love can enrich itself. It gets tested and grows stronger. Like in Fiddler on the Roof. You remember? When Tevye sings 'Do You Love Me?'? When she says, 'How can you ask if I love you? Loot at all I've done with you. What else would you call it?' That kind of love-the kind you realize you already have by the life you've created together-that's the kind that lasts."
"Like Sarah says, twenty good minutes here, forty good minutes there, it adds up to something beautiful. The trick is when things aren't so great, you don't junk the whole thing. It's okay to have an argument. It's okay that the other one nudges you a little, bothers you a little. It's part of being close to someone. But the joy you get from that same closeness-when you watch your children, when you wake up and smile at each other-that, as our tradition teaches us, is a blessing. People forget that."
Why do they forget it?
"Because the word 'commitment' has lost its meaning. I'm old enough to remember when it used to be a positive. A committed person was someone to be admired. He was loyal and steady. Now a commitment is something you avoid. You don't want to tie yourself down. It's the same with faith, by the way. We don't want to get stuck having to go to services all the time, or having to follow all the rules. We don't want to commit to God. We'll take Him when we need Him, or when things are going good. But real commitment? That requires staying power-in faith and in marriage."
And if you don't commit? I asked.
"Your choice. But you miss what's on the other side."
What's on the other side?
"Ah." He smiled. "A happiness you cannot find alone."

“I think people expect too much from marriage today,' he said. 'They expect perfection. Every moment should be bliss. That's TV or movies. But that is not the human experience.
. . . twenty good minutes here, forty good minutes there, it adds up to something beautiful. The trick is when things aren't so great, you don't junk the whole thing. It's okay to have an argument. It's okay that the other one nudges you a little, bothers you a little. It's part of being close to someone.


But the joy you get from that same closeness--when you watch your children, when you wake up and smile at each other--that . . . is a blessing. People forget that.”




“So, have we solved the secret of happiness?

"I believe so," he said

Are you going to tell me?

"Yes.Ready?"

Ready.

"Be satisfied."

That's it?

"Be greatful."

That's it?

"For what you have.For the love you receive.And for what God has given you."

That's it?

He looked me in the eye.Then he sighed deeply.



"That's it.”

More coming up after I finish the book. I'm just reposting some of the quotes I have read from the book  from goodreads.com

I asked for Strength

I ASKED FOR STRENGTHAuthor: Unknown

I asked for Strength...And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for Wisdom...And God gave me Problems to solve.
I asked for Prosperity...And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.

I asked for Courage...And God gave me Danger to overcome.
I asked for Love...And God gave me troubled people to help.

I asked for Favors...and God gave me Opportunities.
I got nothing I wanted...But I received everything I needed.

Funny how we think God doesn't answer prayers when the answer is right in front our eyes. This shows how minute we are, in terms of God's existence and still He pays close attention to our every need and problems.
His Awesomeness is Awesome!

Para sa sumulat ng tula

Ang tulang ito ay para sa mga bigo and puso,

Para sa mga natatawa sa pick up lines na uso,

Para sa mga nagmistulang tanga sa kakalike ng quotes,

Para sa mga ngumangata ng quacker oats.

Para ito sa mga nagpapaasa at forever na umaasa,

Para sa mga kaibigang sa pagibig ay dalubhasa,

Para ito sa mga puppy love, TL at mga hipon,

Para ito sa mga gumagastos at sa mga nagiipon.

Para sa mga sanay magpaalam at sa mga first time,

Para ito sa mga “I love you” bukas, always at all the time,

Para to sa mga kunwaring humihikab at sinisipon,

Para ito sa mga lantarang umiiyak at forever alone.

Para ito sa mga may love life at syota,

Syokoy man o mermaid, maski bakla.

Para ito sa mga babes at pies,

Para sa mga nanggago at nagsabi ng “lies”

Para ito sa mga sugod ng sugod,

Pati na rin sa mga shy type at kunwaring pakipot,

Para sa mga emo at malungkot,

Para sa mga amoy gwapo at gwapong mabantot

Para ito sa mga mahal ninyong himig,

Pati na rin sa mga innosenteng walang hilig.

Para ito sa trying hard na sumulat ng tula,

Para saki din pala ito dahil ako ang nagsimula.








*** inspired by "Para sa Masa" by Eraserheads ***

my heart got dumped

Another one of my crush thingy rants. I never learn do I?

I know you know the scenario when a girl goes gaga over a guy, thinking that he's the love of her life but ends up CRUSHED because of her high expectations and over assuming thoughts.

Every little thing the guy does for the girl would bear meaning hence the over-assuming part. That's why I blame the girl for being an over-thinker but girls just want to be loved.

Did you guys know that there are thousands of sweet and fun and loving girls with great personality out there? Yet you brawl and kill for one sexy, over-rated girl. Ah, life's tragedy.

^Bitter. Ah never mind. I am just ranting and spreading bad vibes *evil laugh*

deflation of entries

I have noticed the deflation of my blog entries. From 17 entries on July to 1 entry on October. Would it be because of the lack of inspiration, busy schedule or another distraction?

I've made a wordpress blog and I haven't written anything significant on it yet. I was thinking if I should just dump my poems there? Should I? Just so it doesn't seem empty. hehe.

Hmm.. Time to rummage trhough my notebook and put some junk in there. hehe.

Off to wordpress, then. *winks*

nightmare

I had a nightmare and they say that it's good to write about those things because they might have some meanings.

Parthenon

All I can remember from my nightmare was two dead people were found by me in our previous house. The first body was found at our living room, the second one was at the second floor. The freaky part was the first body I discovered was my cousin who was the same age as I am. The second body was the body of a kid I formerly counselled. The story goes on how I reported it to my family members and to the police. Then, I went to work that day and when I came from work, the police consulted me and told me that I was one of the suspects, since I was the first to discovered the crime scene. And then, something happened, I can't remember what was it and now I'm on the road to Parthenon. I was in a little city with a fork road, I was on the left side. Then I woke up. The Parthenon bit was a recurring dream, I don't know what it means or what am was it implying, I guess I'll find it soon.

I am still bothered about my nightmare so I did some research.

DeadTo see the dead in your dream, forewarns that you are being influenced by negative people and are hanging around the wrong crowd.  You may suffer material loss. This dream may also be a way for you to resolve your feelings with those who have passed on.To see and talk with your dead father in your dream, signifies that you are about to enter into an unlucky transaction or rotten deal. Thoroughly think through your decisions before entering into them. To see your dead mother in your dream, signifies your wretched and mean-hearted nature towards others around you. Seeing your dead parents in your dreams, may mean your fears of losing them or your way of coping with the loss. You may want that last opportunity to say your final good-byes to them.To see your dead sibling, relative, or friend in your dream, foretells that you will soon be called on for aid and assistance. It may also mean that you miss them and are trying to relive your old experiences you had with them. In trying to keep up with the pace of your daily waking life, you dreams may serve as your only outlet in coping and coming to terms with the loss of a loved one.

Blame To dream that you are being blamed for something suggests that you are feeling powerless and helpless in some waking situation.To blame someone else for something you did in your dream indicates that you are trying to deflect responsibilities for your actions.

Recurring DreamsMost dreams contain messages that serve to teach you something about yourself. However, soon after you wake up to go about your daily routine, you tend to quickly forget what you dream about. The message in recurring dreams may be so important and/or powerful that it refuses to go away. The frequent repetition of such dreams forces you to pay attention and confront the dream. It is desperately trying to tell you something.  Such dreams are often nightmarish or frightening in their content, which also helps you to take notice and pay attention to them.Recurring dreams are quite common and are often triggered by a certain life situation, transitional phase in life or a problem that keeps coming back again and again. These dreams may recur daily, once a week, or once a month. Whatever the frequency, there is little variation in the dream content itself. Such dreams may be highlighting a personal weakness, fear, or your inability to cope with something in your life - past or present. The repetitive patterns in your dream reveal some of the most valuable information about yourself. It may point to a conflict, situation or matter in your waking life that remains unresolved or unsettled. Some urgent underlying message in your unconscious is demanding to be understood.  

I don't know if I'm enlightened but I still feel the same about my dream, like it's a foreboding of something strange and terrible is coming...

Quotes from GOT

October 15, 2011


"Why is it that when one man builds a wall, the next man immediately needs to know what's on the other side?" 
— George R.R. Martin (A Game of Thrones (A Song of Ice and Fire, #1))



"Fear cuts deeper than swords." 
— George R.R. Martin (A Game of Thrones (A Song of Ice and Fire, #1))



"A mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone, if it is to keep its edge." 
— George R.R. Martin (A Game of Thrones (A Song of Ice and Fire, #1))


"Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armour yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you." 
— George R.R. Martin (A Game of Thrones (A Song of Ice and Fire, #1))


"Most men would rather deny a hard truth than face it." 
— George R.R. Martin (A Game of Thrones (A Song of Ice and Fire, #1))


"The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword. If you would take a man's life, you owe it to him to look into his eyes and hear his final words. And if you cannot bear to do that, then perhaps the man does not deserve to die." 
— George R.R. Martin (A Game of Thrones (A Song of Ice and Fire, #1))


"Don’t call me Lord Snow.” 
The dwarf lifted an eyebrow. “Would you rather be called the Imp? Let them see that their words can cut you and you’ll never be free of the mockery. If they want to give you a name take it make it your own. Then they can’t hurt you with it anymore." 
— George R.R. Martin (A Game of Thrones (A Song of Ice and Fire, #1))


"My brother has his sword, King Robert has his warhammer and I have my mind...and a mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone if it is to keep its edge. That's why I read so much Jon Snow. - Tyrion Lannister" 
— George R.R. Martin (A Game of Thrones (A Song of Ice and Fire, #1))



"Wind and words. We are only human, and the gods have fashioned us for love. That is our great glory, and our great tragedy." 
— George R.R. Martin (A Game of Thrones (A Song of Ice and Fire, #1))




"Death is so terribly final, while life is full of possibilities." 
— George R.R. Martin (A Game of Thrones (A Song of Ice and Fire, #1))





"Bran thought about it. 'Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?' 
'That is the only time a man can be brave,' his father told him." 
— George R.R. Martin (A Game of Thrones (A Song of Ice and Fire, #1))

Quotes (random)

October 8, 2011

“We read to know that we are not alone.” 
― C.S. Lewis




“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.” 
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman: The Kindly Ones




“It is our choices, Harry, that show us what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” 
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets




“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” 
― C.S. Lewis







“There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.” 
― Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey







“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” 
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves




“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default.” 
― J.K. Rowling




“You're going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it's always their actions you should judge them by. It's actions, not words, that matter.” 
― Nicholas Sparks, The Rescue



“You can't live your life for other people. You've got to do what's right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.” 
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook







“I love you. I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I've ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, everyday we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours. ” 
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook







“And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.” 
― Roald Dahl

I was supposed to blog a post from my journal last thursday, September 22,2011 but i guess it'll stay there. Hahaha. Still thinking if i should post it here or not.

Anyway, here's a little something for today's post, just so it doesn't look barren. hihi.

Tonight as the world slumbers
I think of you and wonder
If my name ever crossed your mind
Or I'm just a memory left behind

Tonight as the candle flickers
I write in this bounded paper
How I'm battling my fears with what I feel
Racking my head for what is real.



It's not yet finished... just venting out.

quotes (random)

September 22,2011



“I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.”
― Helen Keller


“God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way.”
― C.S. Lewis



“I believe the nicest and sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens, but just those that bring simple little pleasures, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string.”
― L.M. Montgomery


“Whatever comes," she said, "cannot alter one thing. If I am a princess in rags and tatters, I can be a princess inside. It would be easy to be a princess if I were dressed in cloth of gold, but it is a great deal more of a triumph to be one all the time when no one knows it.”
― Frances Hodgson Burnett, A Little Princess


“Live today. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. Just today. Inhabit your moments. Don’t rent them out to tomorrow. Do you know what you’re doing when you spend a moment wondering how things are going to turn out with Perry?

You’re cheating yourself out of today. Today is calling to you, trying to get your attention, but you’re stuck on tomorrow, and today trickles away like water down a drain. You wake up the next morning and that today you wasted is gone forever. It’s now yesterday. Some of those moments may have had wonderful things in store for you , but now you’ll never know.”
― Jerry Spinelli, Love, Stargirl


“If you're reading this...
Congratulations, you're alive.
If that's not something to smile about,
then I don't know what is.”
― Chad Sugg, Monsters Under Your Head


“A person's a person, no matter how small.”
― Dr. Seuss

I was browsing through my goodreads account, looking for quotes for my twitter, plurk and fb status, and I came upon this quote by Mother Theresa. I'm not a Catholic but I agree with this quote.

“If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies; succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; be honest and frank anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway… You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway.” ― Mother Teresa

In the end, IT IS between God and me...

My spiritual life has not been in its brightest stage lately. I am preoccupied with wordly things... but God has been gracious again, reminding me of the things that I should put importance to, reminding me of the things I should be doing, things that should be honoring Him and nothing else. I thank God for being merciful and ever-knowing. He sustains me even though I turn away from Him.

I pray that He could teach me to let go and just give him the wheel. I pray that I would let Him color my canvass. I pray that He would never leave my side even if I'm stubborn...

Life's Realization

While I was thoroughly ravishing my meal (ginataang alimasag na may kalabasa) the other day, I was watching a film starring Charlize Theron, Stuart Townsend, Dakota Fanning and Kevin Bacon. I still don't know the title but I know I've seen it before. Stuart Townsend was a medical person, um, I don't know if he's a doctor or he specializes something but Kevin Bacon was getting revenge by kidnapping Townsend's kid, Dakota. To make the long story short, good guys win. *laughs*


Anyway, Townsend's profession (though I don't know exactly what it was) made me ponder what I want in my life. My best friend is studying Medicine, and I'm not even a graduate. *sigh* Then , I thought of the things that made my life worthwhile... and it all summed up to one. I want to help other people. I may not doing enough things but it will be my life's goal. I may not be the best in my profession but if an opportunity presents itself, I would be willing to help anybody.


If I remember correctly, the things that I enjoyed doing were mostly people oriented. Like when I was in high school, I ran for Student Council and won the secretary position, that was in my Senior year. Okay, I'm going to enumerate some of the memorable things that I enjoyed doing, or some of my accomplishments. Hmmm.. When I was in nursery, my mom told me that I was in the honor roll, I was in third place, I think. Then in my elementary days, grade 3, I think, I won my first spelling bee, with the help of my team mate, Ken ( I think he did all the work though, hehe) I can't remember if it's in my grade 3 year, but I joined a declamation contest, I can still remember some lines.

 "His face, his face" 

*laughs* yup! that's it. That's why I lost that contest 'cause I can't remember my lines. hihi. Anyway, I joined another declamation after that and here are some lines to give you a clue..

 " Alms, alms, spare me a piece of bread. Spare me your mercy. I am child so young, so thin and so rugged... Why are you staring at me? Do you know my mother? Do you know my father? Did you know me 5 years ago? Yes, 5 years of bitterness have passed..." 

and that's all I can remember. (Here's a link to see the full piece) Okay. I think I joined the art club and the social science club and that was when I realize that I love art. I joined a poster making contest in my 6th grade and won. I can still remember that someone dumped my poster in the trash after it was displayed in the halls of our school. I cried  but it was all in the past. I remember my drawing was about the twin towers and Osama Bin Laden was falling off the top of the towers while the people below hold hands and unite around the globe. Haha! I know, cliche drawing but hey, at least I won. *winks*


 Now for my high school years, I joined the glee club, got active with my spiritual life, joined Student Fellowship and eventually became a Christian. It was in the 2nd year of my high school when my mom allowed me to go to a Summer camp hosted by the church of our school, and that year I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. After that, my life evolved in church and school. So yes, I'm a goody two shoes. 


Oh, I almost forgot, ever since grade school, I love bringing food for our recess because sometimes there's not enough time to go down and buy food in the canteen or sometimes we need to copy homework in our recess so we just eat in class. I remember that I'm always the one with the food and I love sharing it to them if I have spare. I think one trait my mom gave me was being generous with food. haha! Anyway, in my 4 years of highschool I get to direct 3 plays, I think. Florante and Laura, Noli Me Tangere and El Fili. Or was I the music director, I can't remember exactly but I used to direct plays in our Filipino class. I was also Emcee to one of our Linggo ng Wika, and I was partnered with the School President that time. We also participated in dance numbers and singing competition. Oh yeah, Chinese singing competition, I can still remember the face of the judges and how we practiced for it. Uhm... I also was part of the design team for our Teacher's day, it was themed like the Academy Awards with the red carpet and all. :) Every now and then I get called in the church to design some things.. haha.


For the conclusion, "makapal mukha ko" Hahaha! I think I'm an artsy fartsy person since I was a kid. I have no qualms about being in front of people, less stage frights.


So now, why did I say all those things? I just want to remind myself that I chose the right course for me. Advertising may have it's disadvantages but I know I love it even if I'm not familiar with it as much as other people do. I am the person who would love to help you even if I'm not in the limelight. (though sometimes I would like to be acknowledged)


In ending, I may not have a strong ambition like others who aspire to become the president of the country or own a billion's worth of company. I simply want to work and enhance my abilities to its fullest potentials and just help people with the ability God has given me. The best thing that would ever happen to my life is to fulfill God's work and be his hands and feet. I want to use my ability to help people see what I see in God or if possible, even more than I see God.


We walk in this beautiful earth and still not believe in the greatness of God. We see wonderful places and still not believe in its Creator. We don't even praise Him or some wouldn't even spare a glance at His compassion. This is the part when I say, I will come back with a heart for worship... I will come back Father God, I will, no matter what happens.

Here's the sitch.

You're not in my checklist. You were just an option, a friend for keeps, but here is the feeling that's tearing my brains out.

I tried not talking to you for a day but you always break my streak. The longest we haven't talk would be hours or so. *sigh* I have said this loads of time... Ayokong masanay. The thing is... I think I already did.

And now I long for you... I think about you everyday. This morning I woke up with you on my thoughts. I tried shaking off the feeling but it doesn't fade.

I'll try once again to avoid you, if it fails then there's nothing I can do. 

Hi blogger, it's been a while. You know how this goes, I'm off to rant again...

I have come to realize that I'm not ready to fall in love. I think that God was telling me that for the past years and I'm just turning a deaf ear. It's that or I'm just scared to fall... scared of feeling happy because you know you'll be sad again no matter what you do. I'm scared of making a fool out of myself when that person is not even worth my efforts. I'm scared to take the risk because I'm afraid of rejection. I'm a coward. I don't want to leap into the unknown, not knowing when I will land and how will I land or if I'd still be alive. There, I admit it. I. am. scared.

I was browsing and reposting in my Tumblr and I saw this photo...

It describes me. period. haha.

That's it for now. Let the photo explain what I feel today.