SONA

I never knew that I would enjoy listening to a SONA until PNoy delivered one. The reports about the progress of his administration is looking well. I  guess it is true that he did give hope to the Filipinos.

Nakakatuwang marining ang progresong nangyayari sa Pilipinas. Maski sabihin nating hindi lahat e naireport niya o may katiwalian parin sa bansa, hindi mo maipagkakaila na maayos naman ang ginawa niya sa dalawang taong paninilbihan bilang pangulo.

Marami mang bumatikos sa kanya, hindi nila pwedeng sabihin na wala siyang ginawa. Kung may magsabi man na marami na dapat siyang nagawa o masyadong mabagal ang progreso, sasabihin ko lang sainyo… Eh, kung kayo ang magpatakbo ng Pilipinas, magagawa niyo din ba un? If ever namang kaya niyo, sige, tatahimik nalang ako dito at pupurihin ko ang mga nagawa niyo.

Bago kayo bumatikos, isipin niyo ang mga nagawa niyo para sa bansa. Isipin niyo din na hindi lang dapat ang presidente ang gumalaw dito. Kailangan niya ng galamay. Parang pakikisama nalang yan eh. Nakikita naman nating gumagalaw siya maski papano, edi tulungan nalang natin dahil aminin natin, walang magagawa ang pagrereklamo. Hindi tataas ang piso sa pagrereklamo. Hindi baba ang bilihin kung nagrereklamo ka lang. Gumagawa ang mga opisyal ng paraan para maging maayos ang buhay ng mga Pilipino, kung sa tingnin niyo naman maganda din ang mgadudulot, wag niyo nang hatulan at phirapan.

Pairalini natin ang pagiging optimistic natin kay PNoy. Di ko man siya binoto, nasa kanya ang suporta ko bilang isang mamamayan ng Pilipinas. sana kayo din.

Futile Hope

 

Being near you once a week is already a luxury for me. You don’t know how I look forward to being one feet away from you. This is where the torture starts. You are a tequila for a recovering alcoholic.

I swore that I would stop feeling the way that I do even if it was futile. I said that I am through with all the insecurities you’ve caused unknowingly. I know I should not pursue you but there is this one thing that keeps my heart fighting, gasping for air…

Hope.

Nauseating and sickening hope for the hopeless.

I have been wondering why do I keep hoping when I know it will not ever come true. I am bent on not believing but there is always a flicker of hope, barely holding but still existing. I am really sick of all these matters with the heart. Why can’t I be calculative or scientific? Why can’t I be devoid of emotional stress?

Move

I need to move or else I’ll suffocate.

I am not a good conveyer of my emotions when I’m in front of the people I love. It isn’t supposed to be like that? Don’t I have to be fully expressive when I’m with them? Why is it that I’m holding back?

I am making myself miserable if I stay stagnant. I have to experience the life outside my bubble. I have to see what the world offers. I have to explore my potential and my limits. I hate to say it but I’m not the one who will settle.

The problem is I’m tied because of my financial difficulties. I am bound to stay here for a year unless they sever my ties. I must admit that I am giving them a poor quality performance and I know it is selfish of me, but I can’t help it. I like the people, I like the hours, I like the liberty but I don’t like what I’m doing. I’ll end up hating my job if I don’t get out of it. Worst, I’m going to hate myself… and I think that worst has come.

War Music

 

“War music, beautiful drumming noise

War fire, wild fire, you have no choice”

 

I must say that episode 9 of GOT”s season two is the most thrilling by far. My  heart was hammering, my hands were clenched, I felt like I was in the battlefield. Beautiful effect with the war fire, rich with gore. The fear for death and the blood lust is enough to make my nerves rattle. I was breathing heavily after this episode. It was over whelming. Brilliant.

Stannis, the cold soldier, versus Tyrion, the brilliant lion, off to battle at the gates of King’s landing. I’m a bit worried with Clegane… I always thought that he was fearless. Now we know what makes a dog flee… Fire. By the way, I’m getting more amused with Varys, his banters with Tyrion and I really want to know how and why he was cut.

This episode was well plotted. I didn’t even long for a glimpse of the Robb’s war or the Dothraki khaleesi or the cold war at the Wall. It was awesome, in huge proportions. It was beautiful.

I find it really hard to say…

… I love you.

So if you are one of the people that I have said it to, I mean it. I can’t even say it to my mom. I say it to my close friends but rarely and some try to wheedle it out of me, which is annoying. But take note, I RARELY say it with initiative, most of the “I love you’s” I’ve said were for reciprocating purposes. I’m sorry.

I don’t say “I love you” back simply because I don’t feel it. I try to be honest in saying what I feel, and sometimes I think I should have a filter in my mouth. If you find me confident or easy going, I think I’m the exact opposite because I’m socially awkward. You can see me interacting with a few people who I’m genuinely interested in (most of them are book worms or movie and music geeks), I’m a dork in my own way. I’m weird and it’s hard to fit in with people who are socially applauded and accepted.

I’m always wondering if I would be able to find a lost soul with the same dilemma as I have. What joy it will be to know that you are not alone in this pity fest.

I think I’m still afraid of getting hurt. I am a coward for keeping my bottled feelings. I am afraid of risking my heart when it’s in pieces. I’m afraid of braveness because of its power and greatness.

I am simply scared.

true love?

 

True Love. What does it mean to find true love?

Have you seen the movie “Love Actually” ? well that’s the answer, true love doesn’t have to be seen in a boy-girl relationship but it can be seen in different people, from friends to family, and every thing in between. I know I should elaborate more but if you’ve seen the movie or watched the last episode of Once Upon A Time then you’d get what I mean.

True love isn’t only for couples but it comes from different shapes and sizes. From a Mother’s love to a friend’s devotion, it is undeniably the most honest and true form. True love is about being self less, giving up yourself for the person or that something you love.

I was watching “Once Upon A Time” , the last line uttered was… “Magic Is Power” and here I was thinking that “Knowledge” is power. hehe. Lame, I know.

 

-------

I just remembered a dream I had earlier… I was with a guy I was fond of, and he and I were with each other’s arms in my dream, something that would never happen in reality because I am what I am (invincible) and he is what he is (driven and popular), also, he’s out of the country. Anyway, we are still friends in real life.

Now that I remembered that I dreamt about him, my heart longs for him. The same way every time I dream about my crushes. Such longing that I could burst into flames. (well, that was an exaggeration)

 

-----

Okay, medyo kilig mode ngayon, I trust not one of my friends will read this so neither will my relatives. hehe. I was in the bank because I need to deposit some cash from our sales when I saw the manager. He’s not all good-looking swoony type of guy but he’s neat and somehow a “chinito” so he’ll do. hehe. wala lang. while I was at the cashier, he went up and looked at the deposit slip which was unusual since he has clients on his desk, or so I thought. ha-ha. wala lanng. the assumera in me strikes again.

Never believe in happy endings

 

Pessimistic, am I? Nah. It’s just the truth.

Let me justify the title of this post. First, endings are never happy. Why would you end it if you’re happy? Only fairy tales have happy ends, not in real life. So please spare me with all the mushy nonsense that love makes happy endings real. No, it doesn’t. Any practical man would see reason to this argument.

Let’s be realistic here. Okay, so you fall in love, get married, then what? Have babies, be torn with your career and family life. Get sick or grow old, then you die. We live to die. Only morbid people would love to die. Unless you are really religious and you would die for your religion, but that’s a different light to tackle.

We live to die. It’s as simple as that. No happy ends, just a rotting corpse, who was melancholically buried. It’s a sad affair. So now, tell me, is that a happy end? Yeah, thought so.

Aside from this bitter skeptic rant, I am pleased to inform you that I am not giving up on love. I’m only bracing my self, putting myself in a “no-expectation” zone, which is really hard, by the way, knowing that girls are all-assuming and suspicious beings. But typing it here makes it more difficult because I know that I’ll be expecting no matter what happens. Unless I’m a bed-ridden, comatose patient. (no offense)

As I have said before, I am in a continuous battle with my mind. The desires of my heart are gagged by mind which is really frustrating hence these senseless rants. The dictatorship in the society is suffocating, the stereotyping and the judicial glares of the world is crippling especially to a fee mind.

Okay, now, I didn’t understand what I just said.

Fuck this stupid mind. Fogged, clouded and messed  up.

All Heroes please apply

 

Quoting Ms. Jenna Hamilton in Awkward, “ … in need of saving. All heroes please apply.”

I am such a lost soul and any help would be gladly welcomed.

I’m blogging again because I watched “Awkward”, influence of Ms. Jenna Hamilton. I can’t believe that all she’d gone through would be possible in real life. It’s a fairytale, but then, it’s just a series so it’s all made up.  I’m still swooning over Matty. Every girl wants to make a good boy out of a bad boy and every boy wants to see some bad-assness in a good girl. I don’t think I’ve phrased that well, but you get the picture.

So why am I blogging again? I feel small. I’m not overly fond of my job, I feel inferior to my high school and church friends and I think my spiritual life is going down hill. I can honestly say that I still believe in Christ and all the glorious things attached to Him, I am just becoming too worldly. I am a naïve being, trying to find inspiration in this fucked up world, trying to see the beauty in living. I am a girl who is now facing a fork in the road, looking at faceless options, afraid of leaping.

I am still the girl who finds it hard to fully trust people, her heart was programed to give them a “benefit of the doubt” but her brain tells her to do otherwise. A girl who is in denial even though she subconsciously knows the answer to her questions. A girl who is battling with her inner conscience, battling the fears of pretentious faces and hard biting truths.

Thus, I need a hero.

I need someone to tell me how to straighten out this mess. Someone who’ll go through the process WITH me. I know you’ll tell me that I have friends and family, but I wouldn’t be asking now if they were there for me, wouldn’t I? I am not implying that they are not reaching out, I am merely pointing out that they are the types who’ll listen, I mean it’s good… but I need an understanding ear. An ear who knows what I’ve been going through. There might be some who are reaching out but  I don’t think I’m trusting them enough. Hence, my contradictory and clouded thoughts.

I am not satisfied with where I am right now, so I am calling out for help. Any heroes with supersensitive hearing or empathetic abilities to radar a crying heart?

Please. please apply.

Awkward, Green eyes and Trust

 

“Someone once said that it’s choice not chance that determines our destiny.” Jenna Hamilton, Awkward

Still watching “Awkward”. I’m on my  last episode for season one, and I realized that I like guys with dark hair and green eyes, and I know you wouldn’t find one in the Philippines  unless they are wearing contact lenses. Point is, I like my male protagonists with green eyes and dark hair… hold that thought, Alex Pettyfer has green eyes but blonde hair, so I guess, green eyes will do. I think this is one of the reasons why I like Harry Potter. Hmmm.

Another realization, Matty Mckibben looks like a Greek god, more like Hercules. Drool worthy if he’s in a suit…

In the duration of the 40 minutes I was watching the last episode, I was writing this blog and I remembered how I was feeling last night. I had this friend who I keep doubting and judging and he doesn’t know. I feel bad that I’m doing this to him especially when I haven’t heard it straight from his mouth, but the hints were evident and he was lying. You’re daft if you still think he isn’t. With that being said, I wrote an update in my twitter, saying that he’s a liar and I’m a fool for believing him. Then, this part is what when I get lifted out of the dark, (ugh, me and my dramatic connotations.)

A friend asked me what’s wrong. It was unexpected, yet, it was welcomed. I can’t believe that comfort can appear so sudden. From my crappy mood, I became my happy self again. Amazing how God sends people to comfort you, to let you know that there are still good people in the world, that it’s okay to trust them even though you have no assurance. I guess, that is what trust is about… Having to let people in your trust bubble without assurances, but with faith.

Now, I change the title of this post, from “Dark Haired and green eyed” to “Awkward, Green eyes and trust”

It’s amazing too that people doesn’t know the impact of one sentence uttered. Just one “are you okay?” question, can lift up a mood of someone, who’s in a crappy state. The knowledge that someone is taking the time to type those words means a lot to someone desperate.

I guess I am desperate. Desperate of someone to talk with. Someone who is the same with my mind’s wavelength. I know I’ve posted this countless times but I really want to have someone who’ll stick with me. We all do. We are suckers for happy ever after's.

I feel like I’m betraying my close friends for saying this, but I haven’t really opened my heart to the fullest. I may be opening a hole for them to come in, but I haven’t really opened the two doors of my heart. I am still afraid of the hurt that they can inflict me. I don’t have a crippling past and I haven’t felt unwanted just because I’m a illegitimate, but there’s this nagging sense that I am incomplete.

Trust is a big deal to me, I guess, to all of us. Trusting someone is like putting my life on the line. I haven’t thought of this before, but as I have been learning the meaning of trust, I’m starting to think like this. I am still processing the true meaning of it, groping for answers.

This post is becoming a long one, so I will end it with a thought.

Will I ever open my heart to someone fully? Without barricades and barred doors?

same wavelength

I don’t know if It’s the hormones talking or I am delusional, but I feel like a lot of people are annoyed with me. I feel that nagging feeling that someone I talking behind my back. I feel so saaaaaad. I am becoming the person that I don’t want to be. I am becoming a hypocrite..

I need someone to talk with, but I can’t seem to trust anyone to understand me. Alam mo yun, maraming available for talking pero di mo naman mapagkakatiwalaan, ung mga pinagkakatiwalaan mo naman, di mo masabihan. I’m thinking if I’ve made the wrong choice of friends, or sadyang nagbabago na ako. Am I changing for the better or for worse?

This feeling… argh!! you just want to yank it out of your chest and throw it to the dogs. It makes me sick. My mind is so tired of thinking.. of assuming… Oo na, assumera kasi ako. Arrgggh! I just want to scream!

I am longing for that one person who will tell me, “I understand you, I went through the same thing.” Hindi ung out of politeness or walang masabi kaya sasabihin niya.

Hindi ko din alam kung bakit parang nagagalit na ako sa mundo. Ang dumi dumi kasi. nakakafrustrate. nakakawalang ganang mabuhay. Gusto mong gumawa ng mabuti para naman mapalapit ang mga tao sa Diyos pero grabe ang hirap, parang ang pangit ng pagbalik. Ewan, I should trust God diba, in times like this? I trust Him naman, I just want to rant. I want to tell Him that I’m feeling this off towards my friends, that I am wasting my time being a miserable wench but I’m still doing it. I am telling God that I want to die because I’d rather die than sin again.

But you know what will God put into my thoughts after I’ve said all those things? Trust and hope for His perfect plan. Don’t think of death because you have a mission for Christ. You have to uphold a good testimony because you are a Christ ambassador. It’s okay for me to feel this way, because that’s what I am. Human. Imperfect beings made perfect by God’s love.

So what happens after my tirade? I release of some of the boggling thoughts in my mind. Though I am sure that it will come back, I am sure too that God will provide a way for me to turn it around. I’m still hoping for someone who will share the same wavelength of thoughts with me, the same views and beliefs. By the time, he/she arrives, I will praise God, as always, and I will put it in my testimony as an answered prayer. 

Eto papala, I noticed that when I‘m boasting about something God takes it away. One time, I boasted that UST will win the Basketball championship again, turns out top 4 lang. I’m scared of God’s training, pero I’m grateful din because I’m experiencing His discipline in humbling. I have loads to learn but if God is my teacher then I’ll be willing learn.

Arggh. there goes that nagging feeling again. Can somebody call fredie kreuger and just rip my heart out?

I wish I haven't met you.

Regret

I wish I haven't met you, I really wish I did not,
I did all I can, but you let it all rot.
You made me believe all your lies,
Then you left me with no goodbyes.

How do you expect me to react
With kind words and a kind heart?
No, sir, this is my limit,
You've stretched me enough, I cannot take it.

What can I do, when you cannot see,
The things you did, the times you've hurt me?
I used to like you and your smile,
Now, I loathe you, go drown in the Nile.

Most of all, I hate it when you made me feel stupid.
You told me stories, but the truth you hid.
Shut up! Stop! Get out of my mind!
You're a memory best left behind.


* The result of seeing things you do not like to see, because it brings regret and sad memories. I saw a name that I should have not seen, and I remember things that I should not have remembered. Do you know Mouth of One Tree Hill? He said a quote that goes like, it's okay for him to take in the bad memories as long as he take in the good ones too.. or something like that... or I think it went like, give me regret at least I can have the good memories too. Well, in my case, you can take it all, I just don't want you in my life. You made it all complicated, you gave me heartaches and instabilities that you would never stand up to. You gave me stories and lies. You gave me doubt and you made me think twice about myself. I never want to experience that way again.

You might wonder who am I talking about? It's a very complex person, yes, I called it an "it" because "it" is a mixture of the people who abandoned me and I disliked. "It" is someone, who I squished all the people who made me sad for whatever reason, into one being. Get it? "It" is like a trash bin where all the trash is thrown. So there you have it, "it."

Books and boys

 

Unlikely pair isn’t it, books and boys, but that was the topic of our friendly discussion last night with my graduating pals. We hung out at the “pav”, as we call it, and started spotting and rating boys. Oh shush, it’s a girl thing. It’s our version of “painting our nails and talking about boys.”

One particular topic that I love is talking about my second most favorite series in my generation, and that is, The Hunger Games. We were talking about how it became a fad because of the upcoming movie. We were wishing that the fandom wouldn’t be like “The Twilight Saga.” We were hoping that people would see more than the romance injected and focus on the relevance of the characters, the Capitol and the whole Panem.

The matter about boys will just remain in our complex mentalities. *sniggers* Aside from talking about those things we also tackled other friend-relationship matters. How some of them had trust issues, insecurities and back stabbing instances. It was refreshing to hear other point of views and also a revelation of the depth of character.

It was a nostalgic night for me ‘cause I have been dwelling in the “real” world for quite some time now. It’s certainly refreshing. Wish we’d do that often and we would be with most of our barkada.

Oh, and my thirst for Pongta Korean ice cream has been quenched. hihi.

That’s all folks! toodles!

Classic thriller

“Psycho” was my first classic thriller. I have watched this movie because my friend recommended it to me and because it was the inspiration of one of his photography featuring… me. Of course, I was intrigue so I watched it, though I was a bit adamant of the satisfaction it will give my movie standards.
This was one of the most ironic moments for me. Do you know the feeling of watching a film with new computer graphics styles or has a 3d effect? Same feeling I had with this movie, but the irony was in the classic movie. It has no complex movie effects, no jaw-dropping computer graphics, nor head tumbling lines, you can see the glitches in the stability of the camera but you can see the rawness, the purity. It has this “new” effect for me. I guess I’m used to all the CG stuff that I have appreciated the simplicity of the film.
Frankly, I was demeaning the movie. I thought that I wouldn’t be on the edge of my seat, I thought that I would find other things to do while I’m watching the movie. I was wrong. I was engrossed with every action, paid attention to each word, looked for clues, tried to analyze the character and what made this film a “classic.” That’s why I can truly say that I enjoyed the movie.
It’s funny how we see or learn new things from the old. This is what the classics gives us. new things to learn from the past. No matter what, when, where, why, or how it happened, we could still learn  from them, we just have to open our minds.

sleepy test post

Another test post before I really go to sleep.

Test post

This is post is a proof that I have synced my blog to Windows Live Writer. Yes, it’s just a test post.

I passed

After two years of toiling over the same topic, hundreds of revisions and two advisers, I have passed my thesis deliberation.

 I am deeply humbled by the enormous amount of help I got from my friends and the heaps of grace from God. I am sure that without their help, this project won’t be possible. I have to thank my mom and my relatives for bearing me through all my failures, it has not been easy but it was worth it.

The jurors asked me to revise my work so, I guess I’m not fully passed yet but I assure you, I will graduate, no matter what it takes. I pray that with God’s mercy, my mother will see me wearing a toga and receiving a diploma. 

**written on Feb 14, 2012

_________________________

February 20 came and I submitted the revised edition of my thesis, the professor asked me to leave it on his locker so I did. Before I left it, I met one of my jurors and asked for the professor that I needed to see, and he said that he's around UST, he tried texting him and while he was doing that we had a small talk. He asked me if I was going to march at the graduation ceremony. I told him that I'm not sure because I haven't applied for graduation yet (there's a process before you go up the stage and march) then he insisted that I should march because it's a once in a lifetime opportunity. You only get to march on that stage for that day only. I said, I want to because I want my mother to see that the years she'd put up with me has paid off. 

I want her to see her only daughter receive a diploma, in a toga and waving at her, looking at her with beaming eyes and thanking her because that day won't be possible without her. 

I'm still in the process of applying for graduation but I'm nearly there, a few more days, and I'm ready to go. 

It is still all surreal. I find it hard to believe that I'm finally finished with college, off to other challenges and surprises. Thank God.

February 9, 2012; acting with the eyes

You’ll know how good an actor is by their eyes. How they use it in a tight shot, it’s amazing. And then, there’s the voice. How they use it with different intonation, everything so convincing and gripping.

Yes, I’m watching “Sherlock” again, Moriarty, Sherlock and of course, our BAFTA winner, Dr. Watson acted spectacularly. I am so impressed. Boy, they know how to REALLY act. They're not even my brand of eye candy but their performance was so awesome that I can't get enough of them. 

Of course, the script was beautifully made, it has the right amount of puns and memorable lines. The moment people or fans quote the character,the writer has done a fantastic job. Kudos to the creator and writer of Sherlock, you did enormously well. It was bloody brilliant! ;)


Sherlock aside, I can't help but think how many people have duped me. How many have made me believe that I'm their friend and how many have told me empty promises. I'm wondering how many had the patience of enduring my tough moments and my attitude or how many kept track of what I'm doing. How many have followed me without expecting a follow back. How many have I induced interest in? How many have I inspired and how many have I failed? how many have I served? 

I am curious and naturally boggled. I guess you can call it "trust issues". I just want to know the truth, as they say, "the truth can set us free". 

Okay, now back to Sherlock, I am still chafed that I have to wait for 2013 for the next season. arrggggh! why?!!! I guess i have to watch Sherlock again and again and again...

Feb 4, 2012

Yesterday was the draw lots for thesis deliberation. I'm not endorsed yet but my adviser told me she'd give me one last chance. I have to submit all the requirements by Tuesday. Thank you Ma'am. Hell nights for me again. yay. Odd thing was every time I go on-line, no one is on. I think God is messing with my time to help me focus more on my work, what'cha think?

It's 12:40pm and  while I'm having my lunch, I'm watching the series called "Awkward". Watching the main character type on her blog made me want to type on mine too, hence, this post. Another reason is I remembered Sherlock posting on his own blog too, and Mr. Watson, of course.

This might not be the most followed blog in the earth but this little space is my breathing hole in cyberspace, also, a rest in my tedious,confused, and distracted life. For sure, I'm not the only one.

I have a prediction that I will be blogging more these days 'cause this is what happens when my mind is full of these buzzing noises. I haven't found my rhythm. Still searching for it.*sigh* Yup, still searching.

It's now 12:46pm and I will now resume with my eating and viewing. ta-ta.

Little Heart

Little heart

Oh Proud heart

Can’t you see how wrong he is?

Can’t you see that you’ll hurt yourself again?

Tell me, proud heart

Tell me how you’ll cope

Tell me what will you gain?

Oh pitiful heart

It’s too late to let go

You are hexed and so smitten

Take heed, little heart

You took the risk

Prepare bandages, start again.

Don’t cry, little heart

It will mend

Dust yourself, stand up, and begin.

** I have written this last year and felt like posting it, so here it is. (medyo untimely with all the stuff going on, pero it begs to be posted eh, I don't know why)

uneasy

I was supposed to meet with my thesis adviser yesterday but I wasn't able to. You know the term "grace under pressure", that's what happened yesterday. God gave me another chance to tweak my project. *whew* Thank you LORD!!!

Anyway, I wasn't able to watch the pyromusical either. We skipped it and played L4D2, alas, I regretted it after seeing the video on youtube. It would have been really nice to be there personally. If you haven't watched it, here's the video link.

Did you know that I have a weekly diary? It's sort of my planner, and a few of what's written are accomplished on time. hehe. I was never punctual , and I have to learn how to be one SOON! I think God is teaching me to be one but I shrug those lessons off, so yeah.

We ate at Mcdo pala yesterday and while they were ordering, I wrote a poem.

The Burial 

The night cries
of grim and murder
A body lay dead
Here comes the reaper 

A song sang in two
for the coffin 6 feet under
Lips are blue
Then a warm whisper 

"At the cypress tree
meet me, midnight sharp"

Dun dun dun... Yes, it sounded unfinished, but that's the whole poem. I'm thinking of writing the part 2. haha. By the way, this was inspired by the film, Sherlock Holmes, specifically the part where they uncover the coffin and discover that it was the ginger-head midget.

Since I was in the mood for making poems, I made tagalog poems as well...

"Pa-impress" 

Ang daming nagbago sa iyo
Pati mukha at ugali mo
Iba na talaga ang nagagawa
ng mga bagay na pang maharlika 

Lahat nasususbukan
pagkain, damit at katatagan
Ang kumagat sa pain ay talo
Pag di ka sanay, ika'y manlulumo.

and I made another one... a bit shorter, mind you.

Nang una kala ko masyado kang kakaiba,
Ayun pala katulad ka rin nila,
at mas malala pa.
Wala nang patutunguhan
and patuloy kong pagintindi
Mga palusot mong nakakarindi.

Yea, loaded with bitterness no? that poem was overdue. I should have written it earlier, they all came bursting lately.

I have this uneasy feeling because of my thesis and loads of distraction. One reply and one comment was all it took for my confidence to crumble a bit. My mind is stressed out and it's going to an "in-denial" phase where it shuns the worries and entertains distractions... like what it is doing at this moment. rawr.

I should get some sleep now, I shall resume working tomorrow. *sigh*