Rant and Random

February 9, 2012; acting with the eyes

2012-02-09T20:44:00.001+08:00

You’ll know how good an actor is by their eyes. How they useit in a tight shot, it’s amazing. And then, there’s the voice. How they use itwith different intonation, everything so convincing and gripping.

Yes, I’m watching “Sherlock” again, Moriarty, Sherlock andof course, our BAFTA winner, Dr. Watson acted spectacularly. I am so impressed. Boy, they know how to REALLY act. They're not even my brand of eye candy but their performance was so awesome that I can't get enough of them.

Of course, the script was beautifully made, it has the right amount of puns and memorable lines. The moment people or fans quote the character,the writer has done a fantastic job. Kudos to the creator and writer of Sherlock, you did enormously well. It was bloody brilliant! ;)

Sherlock aside, I can't help but think how many people have duped me. How many have made me believe that I'm their friend and how many have told me empty promises. I'm wondering how many had the patience of enduring my tough moments and my attitude or how many kept track of what I'm doing. How many have followed me without expecting a follow back. How many have I induced interest in? How many have I inspired and how many have I failed? how many have I served?

I am curious and naturally boggled. I guess you can call it "trust issues". I just want to know the truth, as they say, "the truth can set us free".

Okay, now back to Sherlock, I am still chafed that I have to wait for 2013 for the next season. arrggggh! why?!!! I guess i have to watch Sherlock again and again and again...

Feb 4, 2012

2012-02-04T12:53:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was the draw lots for thesis deliberation. I'm not endorsed yet but my adviser told me she'd give me one last chance. I have to submit all the requirements by Tuesday. Thank you Ma'am. Hell nights for me again. yay. Odd thing was every time I go on-line, no one is on. I think God is messing with my time to help me focus more on my work, what'cha think?

It's 12:40pm and while I'm having my lunch, I'm watching the series called "Awkward". Watching the main character type on her blog made me want to type on mine too, hence, this post. Another reason is I remembered Sherlock posting on his own blog too, and Mr. Watson, of course.

This might not be the most followed blog in the earth but this little space is my breathing hole in cyberspace, also, a rest in my tedious,confused, and distracted life. For sure, I'm not the only one.

I have a prediction that I will be blogging more these days 'cause this is what happens when my mind is full of these buzzing noises. I haven't found my rhythm. Still searching for it.*sigh* Yup, still searching.

It's now 12:46pm and I will now resume with my eating and viewing. ta-ta.

Little Heart

2012-02-02T10:25:00.000+08:00

Little heart

Oh Proud heart

Can’t you see how wrong he is?

Can’t you see that you’ll hurt yourself again?

Tell me, proud heart

Tell me how you’ll cope

Tell me what will you gain?

Oh pitiful heart

It’s too late to let go

You are hexed and so smitten

Take heed, little heart

You took the risk

Prepare bandages, start again.

Don’t cry, little heart

It will mend

Dust yourself, stand up, and begin.

** I have written this last year and felt like posting it, so here it is. (medyo untimely with all the stuff going on, pero it begs to be posted eh, I don't know why)

uneasy

2012-01-28T22:02:00.003+08:00

I was supposed to meet with my thesis adviser yesterday but I wasn't able to. You know the term "grace under pressure", that's what happened yesterday. God gave me another chance to tweak my project. *whew* Thank you LORD!!!

Anyway, I wasn't able to watch the pyromusical either. We skipped it and played L4D2, alas, I regretted it after seeing the video on youtube. It would have been really nice to be there personally. If you haven't watched it, here's the video link.

Did you know that I have a weekly diary? It's sort of my planner, and a few of what's written are accomplished on time. hehe. I was never punctual , and I have to learn how to be one SOON! I think God is teaching me to be one but I shrug those lessons off, so yeah.

We ate at Mcdo pala yesterday and while they were ordering, I wrote a poem.

The Burial

The night cries
of grim and murder
A body lay dead
Here comes the reaper

A song sang in two
for the coffin 6 feet under
Lips are blue
Then a warm whisper

"At the cypress tree
meet me, midnight sharp"

Dun dun dun... Yes, it sounded unfinished, but that's the whole poem. I'm thinking of writing the part 2. haha. By the way, this was inspired by the film, Sherlock Holmes, specifically the part where they uncover the coffin and discover that it was the ginger-head midget.

Since I was in the mood for making poems, I made tagalog poems as well...

"Pa-impress"

Ang daming nagbago sa iyo
Pati mukha at ugali mo
Iba na talaga ang nagagawa
ng mga bagay na pang maharlika

Lahat nasususbukan
pagkain, damit at katatagan
Ang kumagat sa pain ay talo
Pag di ka sanay, ika'y manlulumo.

and I made another one... a bit shorter, mind you.

Nang una kala ko masyado kang kakaiba,
Ayun pala katulad ka rin nila,
at mas malala pa.
Wala nang patutunguhan
and patuloy kong pagintindi
Mga palusot mong nakakarindi.

Yea, loaded with bitterness no? that poem was overdue. I should have written it earlier, they all came bursting lately.

I have this uneasy feeling because of my thesis and loads of distraction. One reply and one comment was all it took for my confidence to crumble a bit. My mind is stressed out and it's going to an "in-denial" phase where it shuns the worries and entertains distractions... like what it is doing at this moment. rawr.

I should get some sleep now, I shall resume working tomorrow. *sigh*

January 19, 2012

2012-01-19T11:29:00.001+08:00

Ah, it’s such a comfort to be writing again. I haven’t written a decent story since September 2009. Well, I haven’t finished this one yet but I’m glad to be starting it. I hope I can finish it though… *bites lower lip* Unlike what I’ve written before, this is not a fan fiction. I am hoping to write a decent fiction… and… I can feel you doubt me. Sure, I’m not a great writer, but I can attempt, can I? Anyhoo, my inspiration for this sudden fiction is the series “Once upon a time” and some books namely, Divergent, Graceling and Fire.

It is strange to have this sudden inspiration when I am in a tight schedule. I am not done with my thesis and I am struggling to manage my time so it is really odd that inspiration should come during this time. I guess when the mind is working it can’t be help, no?

Before I conclude this blog, I am thankful for my laptop (still thinking of a name) in aiding me to write. My previous desktop, 7 years of age, was a fair companion but she was virus-stricken, thus minimizing the time for writing practice.

What else can be said aside from thanks and till next blog release? *winks* Ciao.

mercies in disguise

2012-01-05T11:51:00.000+08:00

Blessings. The first time I listened to this song, I cried. Listen and look at the lyrics and you will know why I cried.

May you all be blessed by this song...

How my 2012 started

2012-01-01T13:31:00.000+08:00

It's the first Sunday of the year so I spent my morning in church. Not much of what the pastor said sunk in. Sorry. hehe. Yesterday, I wrote some of my goals for 2012 and this morning, I realized that they would be awfully hard to do.

First, I will try and quit some of the sites that i visit frequently. I'm going to focus more on God and quit thinking about my crush. I must read at least 5 books in the Bible and to have a small group, and.... i forgot the rest. hahaha!

Contrary to my previous post, I don't think I can go back to my "star". The year ended so as my hopes for him. I will try my hardest not to gaze nor look at a distance.I will simply not look.

I'll just look above.

I came back

2011-12-14T20:39:00.000+08:00

I came back, my star.

I was looking at a different prospect, someone who I have a chance with, but you reminded me why I should wait for you. You are years older than me and I am not in your social league but I have prayed for you.
I may be waiting in vain for you to reciprocate what I feel but I am willing to be hurt for you.

Ikaw ang aking tala
Laging suntok sa buwan.
Patuloy sa pag asa
maski bagyo ang lulan.

I don't say "I love you" just because...

2011-12-08T16:57:00.001+08:00

"OMG, I love you!"

I know it's just an expression but I think those three words should be uttered with reverence. Before you say anything, I want to clearly state that these are my opinion, if you do not like it, stop reading and go to another blog.

Here are the things you must know about me before you start to judge me. I was born in a Chinese environment and I became a Protestant when I was in high school. I don't know if it's just my family but we don't often say "I love you" to each other.

Now, another reason why I don't say "I love you" often is because of the weight it bears. For me to declare that I love a person means taking a bullet for them, no questions asked. Also, one thing my church taught me is the love of Jesus, so for me, love is to sacrifice.

So, if I say "I love you" to you, it means that I will sacrifice some parts of my life for you. Why not, my whole life? I'm not a hypocrite, of course, I need to save some for me. When I say I love you, it means that I will love you until my last breath, no matter what happens, even if we fall apart. That is the weight of those three words for me.

If I say "I love you" naman to a thing, common sense nalang diba? I won't take a bullet for a thing. Another clarification, this is not just a romantic "I Love You" this is the "I love you" because "I care for you".

So ayan, I just want to vent out.:P

Have a little faith...

2011-11-19T11:31:00.000+08:00

"The secret of happiness? Be Satisfied. Be grateful. For what you have. For the love you received. And for what God has given you. That's it."

- Albert Lewis from Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom

My Bible study leader gave me this book for my birthday and I am grateful. I've read this book not knowing about how the content will affect me but with a small knowledge that it's about faith (title said it so.) Now, I'm devouring every page and marked it by dog ears. I know how people hate to fold corners of their book but I have no time to get a book mark or a paper to mark my favorite lines. I don't mind high-lighting them but my pen is out of reach.

Anyway, here are some of my favorite lines and conversations...

“Look, if you say that science will eventually prove there is no God, on that I must differ. No matter how small they take it back, to a tadpole, to an atom, there is always something they can’t explain, something that created it all at the end of the search.

“And no matter how far they try to go the other way – to extend life, play around with the genes, clone this, clone that, live to one hundred and fifty – at some point, life is over. And then what happens? When the life comes to an end?”

I shrugged.

“You see?”

He leaned back. He smiled.

“When you come to the end, that’s where God begins.”

“No. You can't work your way into heaven. Anytime you try and justify yourself with works, you disqualify yourself with works. What I do here, every day, for the rest of my life, is only my way of saying, 'Lord, regardless of what eternity holds for me, let me give something back to you. I know it doesn't even no scorecard. But let me make something of my life before I go.. and then, Lord, I'm at your mercy.”

"My friends, if we tend to the things that are important in life, if we are right with those we love and behave in line with our faith, our lives will not be cursed with the aching throb of unfulfilled business. Our words will always be sincere, our embraces tight. We will never wallow in agony of 'I could have, I should have.' We can sleep in a storm.
"And when it's time, our good-byes will be complete."

“Faith is about doing. You are how you act, not just how you believe.”

“When a baby comes into the world, its hands are clenched, right? Like this?" He made a fist. "Why? Because a baby not knowing any better, wants to grab everything, to say the whole world is mine. But when an old person dies, how does he do so? With his hands open. Why? Because he has learned his lesson." "What lesson?" I asked. He stretched open his empty fingers. "We can take nothing with us.”

“A little girl came home from school with a drawing she'd made in class.She danced into the kitchen ,where her mother was preparing dinner.
"Mom,guess what ?" she squealed waving the drawing .
her mother never looked up.
"what"? she said ,tending to the pots.
"guess what?" the child repeated ,waving the drawings.
"what?" the mother said , tending to the plates.
"Mom, you're not listening"
"sweetie,yes I am"
"Mom" the child said "you're not listening with your EYES”

“Are you seeing anyone romantically?" he inquired.
"No, I'm not," she replied.
"Good. Please keep it that way. Because I intend to ask you to marry me.”

Can you predict which marriages will survive? I asked. "Sometimes," he said. "If they're communicating well, they have a good chance. If they have a similar belief system, similar values, they have a good chance."
What about love?
"Love they should always have. But love changes."
What do you mean?
"Love-the infatuation kind - 'he's so handsome, she's so beautiful'-that can shrivel. As soon as something goes wrong, that kind of love can fly out the window. On the other hand, a true love can enrich itself. It gets tested and grows stronger. Like in Fiddler on the Roof. You remember? When Tevye sings 'Do You Love Me?'? When she says, 'How can you ask if I love you? Loot at all I've done with you. What else would you call it?' That kind of love-the kind you realize you already have by the life you've created together-that's the kind that lasts."
"Like Sarah says, twenty good minutes here, forty good minutes there, it adds up to something beautiful. The trick is when things aren't so great, you don't junk the whole thing. It's okay to have an argument. It's okay that the other one nudges you a little, bothers you a little. It's part of being close to someone. But the joy you get from that same closeness-when you watch your children, when you wake up and smile at each other-that, as our tradition teaches us, is a blessing. People forget that."
Why do they forget it?
"Because the word 'commitment' has lost its meaning. I'm old enough to remember when it used to be a positive. A committed person was someone to be admired. He was loyal and steady. Now a commitment is something you avoid. You don't want to tie yourself down. It's the same with faith, by the way. We don't want to get stuck having to go to services all the time, or having to follow all the rules. We don't want to commit to God. We'll take Him when we need Him, or when things are going good. But real commitment? That requires staying power-in faith and in marriage."
And if you don't commit? I asked.
"Your choice. But you miss what's on the other side."
What's on the other side?
"Ah." He smiled. "A happiness you cannot find alone."

“I think people expect too much from marriage today,' he said. 'They expect perfection. Every moment should be bliss. That's TV or movies. But that is not the human experience.
. . . twenty good minutes here, forty good minutes there, it adds up to something beautiful. The trick is when things aren't so great, you don't junk the whole thing. It's okay to have an argument. It's okay that the other one nudges you a little, bothers you a little. It's part of being close to someone.

But the joy you get from that same closeness--when you watch your children, when you wake up and smile at each other--that . . . is a blessing. People forget that.”

“So, have we solved the secret of happiness?

"I believe so," he said

Are you going to tell me?

"Yes.Ready?"

Ready.

"Be satisfied."

That's it?

"Be greatful."

That's it?

"For what you have.For the love you receive.And for what God has given you."

That's it?

He looked me in the eye.Then he sighed deeply.

"That's it.”

More coming up after I finish the book. I'm just reposting some of the quotes I have read from the book from goodreads.com

I asked for Strength

2011-11-16T12:47:00.000+08:00

I ASKED FOR STRENGTHAuthor: Unknown

I asked for Strength...And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for Wisdom...And God gave me Problems to solve.
I asked for Prosperity...And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.

I asked for Courage...And God gave me Danger to overcome.
I asked for Love...And God gave me troubled people to help.

I asked for Favors...and God gave me Opportunities.
I got nothing I wanted...But I received everything I needed.

Funny how we think God doesn't answer prayers when the answer is right in front our eyes. This shows how minute we are, in terms of God's existence and still He pays close attention to our every need and problems.
His Awesomeness is Awesome!

Para sa sumulat ng tula

2011-11-15T15:26:00.000+08:00

Ang tulang ito ay para sa mga bigo and puso,

Para sa mga natatawa sa pick up lines na uso,

Para sa mga nagmistulang tanga sa kakalike ng quotes,

Para sa mga ngumangata ng quacker oats.

Para ito sa mga nagpapaasa at forever na umaasa,

Para sa mga kaibigang sa pagibig ay dalubhasa,

Para ito sa mga puppy love, TL at mga hipon,

Para ito sa mga gumagastos at sa mga nagiipon.

Para sa mga sanay magpaalam at sa mga first time,

Para ito sa mga “I love you” bukas, always at all the time,

Para to sa mga kunwaring humihikab at sinisipon,

Para ito sa mga lantarang umiiyak at forever alone.

Para ito sa mga may love life at syota,

Syokoy man o mermaid, maski bakla.

Para ito sa mga babes at pies,

Para sa mga nanggago at nagsabi ng “lies”

Para ito sa mga sugod ng sugod,

Pati na rin sa mga shy type at kunwaring pakipot,

Para sa mga emo at malungkot,

Para sa mga amoy gwapo at gwapong mabantot

Para ito sa mga mahal ninyong himig,

Pati na rin sa mga innosenteng walang hilig.

Para ito sa trying hard na sumulat ng tula,

Para saki din pala ito dahil ako ang nagsimula.

*** inspired by "Para sa Masa" by Eraserheads ***

my heart got dumped

2011-11-09T00:04:00.000+08:00

Another one of my crush thingy rants. I never learn do I?

I know you know the scenario when a girl goes gaga over a guy, thinking that he's the love of her life but ends up CRUSHED because of her high expectations and over assuming thoughts.

Every little thing the guy does for the girl would bear meaning hence the over-assuming part. That's why I blame the girl for being an over-thinker but girls just want to be loved.

Did you guys know that there are thousands of sweet and fun and loving girls with great personality out there? Yet you brawl and kill for one sexy, over-rated girl. Ah, life's tragedy.

^Bitter. Ah never mind. I am just ranting and spreading bad vibes *evil laugh*

deflation of entries

2011-11-02T13:16:00.000+08:00

I have noticed the deflation of my blog entries. From 17 entries on July to 1 entry on October. Would it be because of the lack of inspiration, busy schedule or another distraction?

I've made a wordpress blog and I haven't written anything significant on it yet. I was thinking if I should just dump my poems there? Should I? Just so it doesn't seem empty. hehe.

Hmm.. Time to rummage trhough my notebook and put some junk in there. hehe.

Off to wordpress, then. *winks*

nightmare

2011-10-26T11:08:00.001+08:00

I had a nightmare and they say that it's good to write about those things because they might have some meanings.

Parthenon

All I can remember from my nightmare was two dead people were found by me in our previous house. The first body was found at our living room, the second one was at the second floor. The freaky part was the first body I discovered was my cousin who was the same age as I am. The second body was the body of a kid I formerly counselled. The story goes on how I reported it to my family members and to the police. Then, I went to work that day and when I came from work, the police consulted me and told me that I was one of the suspects, since I was the first to discovered the crime scene. And then, something happened, I can't remember what was it and now I'm on the road to Parthenon. I was in a little city with a fork road, I was on the left side. Then I woke up. The Parthenon bit was a recurring dream, I don't know what it means or what am was it implying, I guess I'll find it soon.

I am still bothered about my nightmare so I did some research.

DeadTo see the dead in your dream, forewarns that you are being influenced by negative people and are hanging around the wrong crowd. You may suffer material loss. This dream may also be a way for you to resolve your feelings with those who have passed on.To see and talk with your dead father in your dream, signifies that you are about to enter into an unlucky transaction or rotten deal. Thoroughly think through your decisions before entering into them. To see your dead mother in your dream, signifies your wretched and mean-hearted nature towards others around you. Seeing your dead parents in your dreams, may mean your fears of losing them or your way of coping with the loss. You may want that last opportunity to say your final good-byes to them.To see your dead sibling, relative, or friend in your dream, foretells that you will soon be called on for aid and assistance. It may also mean that you miss them and are trying to relive your old experiences you had with them. In trying to keep up with the pace of your daily waking life, you dreams may serve as your only outlet in coping and coming to terms with the loss of a loved one.

Blame To dream that you are being blamed for something suggests that you are feeling powerless and helpless in some waking situation.To blame someone else for something you did in your dream indicates that you are trying to deflect responsibilities for your actions.

Recurring DreamsMost dreams contain messages that serve to teach you something about yourself. However, soon after you wake up to go about your daily routine, you tend to quickly forget what you dream about. The message in recurring dreams may be so important and/or powerful that it refuses to go away. The frequent repetition of such dreams forces you to pay attention and confront the dream. It is desperately trying to tell you something. Such dreams are often nightmarish or frightening in their content, which also helps you to take notice and pay attention to them.Recurring dreams are quite common and are often triggered by a certain life situation, transitional phase in life or a problem that keeps coming back again and again. These dreams may recur daily, once a week, or once a month. Whatever the frequency, there is little variation in the dream content itself. Such dreams may be highlighting a personal weakness, fear, or your inability to cope with something in your life - past or present. The repetitive patterns in your dream reveal some of the most valuable information about yourself. It may point to a conflict, situation or matter in your waking life that remains unresolved or unsettled. Some urgent underlying message in your unconscious is demanding to be understood.

I don't know if I'm enlightened but I still feel the same about my dream, like it's a foreboding of something strange and terrible is coming...

2011-09-28T17:17:00.000+08:00

I was supposed to blog a post from my journal last thursday, September 22,2011 but i guess it'll stay there. Hahaha. Still thinking if i should post it here or not.

Anyway, here's a little something for today's post, just so it doesn't look barren. hihi.

Tonight as the world slumbers
I think of you and wonder
If my name ever crossed your mind
Or I'm just a memory left behind

Tonight as the candle flickers
I write in this bounded paper
How I'm battling my fears with what I feel
Racking my head for what is real.

It's not yet finished... just venting out.

2011-09-19T17:35:00.000+08:00

I was browsing through my goodreads account, looking for quotes for my twitter, plurk and fb status, and I came upon this quote by Mother Theresa. I'm not a Catholic but I agree with this quote.

“If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies; succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; be honest and frank anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway… You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway.” ― Mother Teresa

In the end, IT IS between God and me...

My spiritual life has not been in its brightest stage lately. I am preoccupied with wordly things... but God has been gracious again, reminding me of the things that I should put importance to, reminding me of the things I should be doing, things that should be honoring Him and nothing else. I thank God for being merciful and ever-knowing. He sustains me even though I turn away from Him.

I pray that He could teach me to let go and just give him the wheel. I pray that I would let Him color my canvass. I pray that He would never leave my side even if I'm stubborn...

Life's Realization

2011-09-15T11:37:00.002+08:00

While I was thoroughly ravishing my meal (ginataang alimasag na may kalabasa) the other day, I was watching a film starring Charlize Theron, Stuart Townsend, Dakota Fanning and Kevin Bacon. I still don't know the title but I know I've seen it before. Stuart Townsend was a medical person, um, I don't know if he's a doctor or he specializes something but Kevin Bacon was getting revenge by kidnapping Townsend's kid, Dakota. To make the long story short, good guys win. *laughs*

Anyway, Townsend's profession (though I don't know exactly what it was) made me ponder what I want in my life. My best friend is studying Medicine, and I'm not even a graduate. *sigh* Then , I thought of the things that made my life worthwhile... and it all summed up to one. I want to help other people. I may not doing enough things but it will be my life's goal. I may not be the best in my profession but if an opportunity presents itself, I would be willing to help anybody.

If I remember correctly, the things that I enjoyed doing were mostly people oriented. Like when I was in high school, I ran for Student Council and won the secretary position, that was in my Senior year. Okay, I'm going to enumerate some of the memorable things that I enjoyed doing, or some of my accomplishments. Hmmm.. When I was in nursery, my mom told me that I was in the honor roll, I was in third place, I think. Then in my elementary days, grade 3, I think, I won my first spelling bee, with the help of my team mate, Ken ( I think he did all the work though, hehe) I can't remember if it's in my grade 3 year, but I joined a declamation contest, I can still remember some lines.

"His face, his face"

*laughs* yup! that's it. That's why I lost that contest 'cause I can't remember my lines. hihi. Anyway, I joined another declamation after that and here are some lines to give you a clue..

" Alms, alms, spare me a piece of bread. Spare me your mercy. I am child so young, so thin and so rugged... Why are you staring at me? Do you know my mother? Do you know my father? Did you know me 5 years ago? Yes, 5 years of bitterness have passed..."

and that's all I can remember. (Here's a link to see the full piece) Okay. I think I joined the art club and the social science club and that was when I realize that I love art. I joined a poster making contest in my 6th grade and won. I can still remember that someone dumped my poster in the trash after it was displayed in the halls of our school. I cried but it was all in the past. I remember my drawing was about the twin towers and Osama Bin Laden was falling off the top of the towers while the people below hold hands and unite around the globe. Haha! I know, cliche drawing but hey, at least I won. *winks*

Now for my high school years, I joined the glee club, got active with my spiritual life, joined Student Fellowship and eventually became a Christian. It was in the 2nd year of my high school when my mom allowed me to go to a Summer camp hosted by the church of our school, and that year I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. After that, my life evolved in church and school. So yes, I'm a goody two shoes.

Oh, I almost forgot, ever since grade school, I love bringing food for our recess because sometimes there's not enough time to go down and buy food in the canteen or sometimes we need to copy homework in our recess so we just eat in class. I remember that I'm always the one with the food and I love sharing it to them if I have spare. I think one trait my mom gave me was being generous with food. haha! Anyway, in my 4 years of highschool I get to direct 3 plays, I think. Florante and Laura, Noli Me Tangere and El Fili. Or was I the music director, I can't remember exactly but I used to direct plays in our Filipino class. I was also Emcee to one of our Linggo ng Wika, and I was partnered with the School President that time. We also participated in dance numbers and singing competition. Oh yeah, Chinese singing competition, I can still remember the face of the judges and how we practiced for it. Uhm... I also was part of the design team for our Teacher's day, it was themed like the Academy Awards with the red carpet and all. :) Every now and then I get called in the church to design some things.. haha.

For the conclusion, "makapal mukha ko" Hahaha! I think I'm an artsy fartsy person since I was a kid. I have no qualms about being in front of people, less stage frights.

So now, why did I say all those things? I just want to remind myself that I chose the right course for me. Advertising may have it's disadvantages but I know I love it even if I'm not familiar with it as much as other people do. I am the person who would love to help you even if I'm not in the limelight. (though sometimes I would like to be acknowledged)

In ending, I may not have a strong ambition like others who aspire to become the president of the country or own a billion's worth of company. I simply want to work and enhance my abilities to its fullest potentials and just help people with the ability God has given me. The best thing that would ever happen to my life is to fulfill God's work and be his hands and feet. I want to use my ability to help people see what I see in God or if possible, even more than I see God.

We walk in this beautiful earth and still not believe in the greatness of God. We see wonderful places and still not believe in its Creator. We don't even praise Him or some wouldn't even spare a glance at His compassion. This is the part when I say, I will come back with a heart for worship... I will come back Father God, I will, no matter what happens.

2011-09-08T10:56:00.001+08:00

Here's the sitch.

You're not in my checklist. You were just an option, a friend for keeps, but here is the feeling that's tearing my brains out.

I tried not talking to you for a day but you always break my streak. The longest we haven't talk would be hours or so. *sigh* I have said this loads of time... Ayokong masanay. The thing is... I think I already did.

And now I long for you... I think about you everyday. This morning I woke up with you on my thoughts. I tried shaking off the feeling but it doesn't fade.

I'll try once again to avoid you, if it fails then there's nothing I can do.

2011-09-06T22:15:00.002+08:00

Hi blogger, it's been a while. You know how this goes, I'm off to rant again...

I have come to realize that I'm not ready to fall in love. I think that God was telling me that for the past years and I'm just turning a deaf ear. It's that or I'm just scared to fall... scared of feeling happy because you know you'll be sad again no matter what you do. I'm scared of making a fool out of myself when that person is not even worth my efforts. I'm scared to take the risk because I'm afraid of rejection. I'm a coward. I don't want to leap into the unknown, not knowing when I will land and how will I land or if I'd still be alive. There, I admit it. I. am. scared.

I was browsing and reposting in my Tumblr and I saw this photo...

It describes me. period. haha.

That's it for now. Let the photo explain what I feel today.

crazy stupid love

2011-08-22T14:02:00.001+08:00

I watched "Crazy, stupid, love" last saturday night with my friends. My friends treated us dinner because it's their birthday. Funny how they treated us, instead of us treating them. Anyway, we watched the movie after eating our fills. The movie was interesting and gave us unexpected twists. What's more interesting is while we were watching the movie we had a fire scare. In the middle of the movie, the cinema smelled funny, like burnt rubber or burnt electric wire. People started to walk out of the cinema, some asked the cinema officer what was the smell. Some of my friends panicked, though I'm worried, I didn't panicked because the fire exit was within my view, so I just sat there. AI also thought that I'm saved, so I don't care if I die at that moment. The movie continued regardless of the fire scare, so we might have skipped some juicy scenes, but no matter, we finished the movie (and we're still alive) that's the important thing.

Some of the scenes I liked was when Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone was about to make love but was postponed because Emma talks too much, instead they had a very long and intimate, and rather entertaining conversation. And it made me think... that's what I want.. to have a relationship with a person who will have loads of fun talking to me. Our conversations will not be strained but we will be volleying each other with our thoughts, emotions, dreams... (it's so cliche when i say this, but wth) it's as if as we are one.

I'm in my dreamy state again, hoping and romanticizing situations, but the hard part is waiting, waiting for the controversial "it" to come.

♫ The aftertaste is gonna break my heart, feels like it's over before it starts, The aftertaste is gonna break my heart... ♪

Just felt like putting that in... anyway, here's another poem...

Here I go again
This feeling that I can't explain
I'm confused and amused
Thought I had enough
but I wanted more
Here I go again
Singing in the shower
and in the rain
reaping anxiety and
planting pain
Here I go again
This feeling that I can't contain
grappling like a hurricane
It's driving me insane.

Another poem, another release, another catharsis. Same old dilemma but different people.

I'm rereading Hunger Games, just thought you might want to know. :P I still love Cinna. He ignited the flame and made Katniss the fire. He is one superb character, his quiet passion is what attracts me. He is brilliantly made.

That's all I have to say for now... Ciao!

Little Hands

2011-08-17T13:27:00.001+08:00

Little Hands

These little hands
they knew of nothing before
caressing feeding bottles and soft pillows
yearning for the giver's touch
reaching for the unknown
never, fearing, always exploring
fragile and vulnerable.

These little hands
once played with poo
never minding the smell
or who's touching who
Oblivious to its destiny
enormous responsibility,
these little hands, let it be.

** for Poem X Poem's prompt. Theme: parts of the body.

My head was pounding while writing this so please excuse the lack of fluidity. Thank you.

him and dream

2011-08-16T16:48:00.002+08:00

You are the mystery that begs to be solved
A shadow that tires of light
A monster that pleads to be loved and cherished
A storm that wishes for solace

You are the warm breeze that soothes my worries
A rock that exudes stability
A sunflower that beams with the sun
So innocent, so soft, so fragile

You don't have to do this alone
Let me decipher you, let me bring you home
Le me show you the trust you long
Let me in, please let it go.

You are worried, I know
I can fend for myself, I cannot let it show
I can make you wait, but it will hurt you
I've been betrayed, I won't be returning.

I want you to see the beauty in the ugly
Let me cross the bridge to your wall
Take it slow, I am in no hurry
I'll be here if you lose control.

** A conversation between lovers. Odd stanzas for the lover and the even stanzas for the partner.

2011-08-14T19:07:00.000+08:00

Sep1

Nostalgic yellow,

I am weary.

The buds I long for,

leaves of merry.

Breathe no more

the scent of folly.

Take a swig

of the glum revelry.

** A late entry for the 4 seasons themed poetry challenge made up by my friends ralaine and francis. The gates are open for reviews. :)

*** Oh, and I was writing about autumn. hehe. :P

Another one... but it's untitled, i don't know what to call it yet. haha

Hold on,
Wait.
There's a story
Don't go to bed

I have tons to say
Won't you hear me?
Won't you stay?

It's barely bed time
talk to me
Don't let the demons
conquer my head
talk to me
if you don't want to see me
dead.

" goodbye to love" to "you should date"

2011-08-13T12:05:00.001+08:00

I don't mean to be so dreamy this early morning but you see it all started with the Korean drama series called City Hunter. My cousin was watching it so I have no choice but to watch it too. The main character was trained to be emotionless, to not be too attached, to not feel, to be numb and sturdy for their revenge. His adopted father told him, "Do not trust, do not fall in love." I was resolved to not fall in love, so I plurk'ed it. Then the ripple began, my friend responded with a song from The Carpenters, "I'll never fall in love again". I replied with another Carpenters song... "Goodbye to love"

I was prepared to greet my lunch with a bitter countenance but I saw this article from my friend on twitter entitled: "You Should Date..." and it made me dreamy once again. This is inspiring, it makes you hope for the best, but the what if's are swirling like flies on my head, pessimism takes over... and I won't mention them here for the fear of spreading bad vibes. Even if I do not write it here, you'll be thinking the same things with me, won't you?

What inspired me in the article was the differentiation between character and personality. Oftentimes, similarities bring people together, but you'd see their true character after you've seen your differences with each other.

The person I want you to date has character. When you’re young, all you’re looking for is personality. Charm. Compatibility in music and book taste and food preferences. I think these are all well and good but character is what sustains a relationship when all of these things change. Personality is ever-evolving, character grows and amplifies in time. Character is when a person does beautiful things without seeking credit. It’s when someone doesn’t quit — even if every fiber of their being begs them to. It’s the ability of someone to graciously expend back-breaking heart-wrenching love to someone who has disappointed and failed them. Character is that beautiful thing that gets molded over time and experience. Be someone with character and never settle for someone without it.

I'd like to quote this too...

But the person I want you to date is a person who knows how to resolve conflict especially when it blows up in both your faces. Their ego will never be too big to own up to their mistakes.

And here's another article, I think a response to the previous article mentioned... link
These articles makes you go, "awww" and "yes! that is so true" that's why I love reading them. They are not love experts but they have nice opinions about it.

I've been berating myself to wait for it, to not think about it, but my environment is not helping! I've scolded my mind to think of other things or to focus on serving God instead but my mind is weak, so is my heart.the heart can't help but be infatuated and be confused. No, I am not in love. I'll know when I have fallen, that is when I can catch a grenade and take a bullet for that person. Love for me is not a petty thing that would make you go giddy and make your heart all fluffy with butterflies on your stomach feeling. It is something that would be engraved on you, something that will reside in you till you die.

All I can do is let nature take its course, make and sometimes let things happen. Life is still full of surprises, we just have to be pliable to its flow, our heads pointed to the sun.

Emily Bronte's Poems

2011-08-12T16:47:00.002+08:00

I've always admired how Emily Bronte wrote Wuthering Heights and now her poems. Listed here are some of my favorites... :)

Love and Friendship by Emily Bronte

Love is like the wild rose-briar,
Friendship like the holly-tree --
The holly is dark when the rose-briar blooms
But which will bloom most contantly?
The wild-rose briar is sweet in the spring,
Its summer blossoms scent the air;
Yet wait till winter comes again
And who wil call the wild-briar fair?
Then scorn the silly rose-wreath now
And deck thee with the holly's sheen,
That when December blights thy brow
He may still leave thy garland green.

If grief for grief can touch thee by Emily Bronte

If grief for grief can touch thee,
If answering woe for woe,
If any truth can melt thee
Come to me now!

I cannot be more lonely,
More drear I cannot be!
My worn heart beats so wildly
'Twill break for thee--

And when the world despises--
When Heaven repels my prayer--
Will not mine angel comfort?
Mine idol hear?

Yes, by the tears I'm poured,
By all my hours of pain
O I shall surely win thee,
Beloved, again!

The Old Stoic by Emily Bronte

Riches I hold in light esteem,
And love I laugh to scorn;
And lust of fame was but a dream
That vanish'd with the morn:

And if I pray, the only prayer
That moves my lips for me
Is, "Leave the heart that now I bear,
And give me liberty!"

Yes, as my swift days near their goal,
'Tis all that I implore:
In life and death a chainless soul,
With courage to endure

Hope by Emily Bronte

Hope was but a timid friend;
She sat without the grated den,
Watching how my fate would tend,
Even as selfish-hearted men.

She was cruel in her fear;
Through the bars, one dreary day,
I looked out to see her there,
And she turned her face away!

Like a false guard, false watch keeping,
Still, in strife, she whispered peace;
She would sing while I was weeping;
If I listened, she would cease.

False she was, and unrelenting;
When my last joys strewed the ground,
Even Sorrow saw, repenting,
Those sad relics scattered round;

Hope, whose whisper would have given
Balm to all my frenzied pain,
Stretched her wings, and soared to heaven,
Went, and ne'er returned again!

that's it for now... will post more later or in the following days. :3

Speech dedicated to those who failed

2011-08-11T11:56:00.001+08:00

If you have read my previous blog entries, you would have an inkling of my school status. You may have also known that I have a plurk account and while browsing it, I saw a post from my friend on plurk. Here is the link.

I had goosebumps when I read that. it's encouraging and inspiring. It is something that I plan to achieve. I want to prove to the people who supported me that their help was not for naught. "tinamad" lang siguro ako.

Basta, I will not give up. I will graduate and I will continue to explore my capabilities, and if I am financially capable, i will study literature or get a masters degree. I will make the people who supported me proud and satisfied.

And of course, I will try my best to glorify God. This might not be His plan for me, but no matter, even if my plans won't go the way I wanted it to be, I'll keep holding on to God's promise.

It's just a feeling

2011-08-02T14:59:00.000+08:00

Do you know the feeling when you hear a feel good love song and you just feel giddy with that mushy feeling? The "kilig" feeling?
The feeling when you're sitting in your office in a rainy afternoon absentmindedly listening to a love song and then a "lonely" feeling comes... the one that makes you long for someone... and then you feel sad.

Sometimes I hate it when I listen to sappy love songs, they only remind me of the things and feelings that I'd rather forget.

I'm sick of the feeling, i'm really sick of it. Sometimes i wish I could feel nothing than be broken a thousand times. but then i contradict that thought. Ugh. I am confused. I am sleepy.

I don't make sense.

2011-07-31T23:40:00.001+08:00

Before I sleep, I want to blog this one out.

People always lie. That was something that I saw on One Tree Hill, it's one of Peyton's drawings. I drew a version of mine and i'll post it on the Doodles Shmoodles page.

I feel that a lot of people lying to me. It made me feel gullible. Am I? Do I easily believe people? Is that how I am? I guess I put my trust on the wrong people, but if that's the case, my family don't deserve my trus because they lie to me? Everyday people lieto me, and I think I'm on the brink of my trust sanity.

Anyway, I heard this song by The Sounds, and I liked the lyrics, so I'm going to post it here.

No one sleeps when I'm Awake

I've seen people losing all of their faith
before they knew what they were looking for
I swore I'd never ever do it again
till this day

Words are all I have to give to you
you never seem to see it my way
Standing in the shadows I hear
people say

(Bridge)
I've got confessions to make
listen up
no one sleeps when I'm awake

(Chorus)
The dreams I dream
the song I sing for you
they're coming from my heart
is my message getting through?
You know it hurts so bad
just like i knew that it would
but I'd do it again
do it again if I could
do it again if I could.

I don't think you know what it's like
you should be careful what you're wishing for
and try to set your ego aside
you will find
a false piece of mind
you fall behind
and everybody's getting tired of you
standing in the shadows i hear
people say

(Bridge)
I've got confessions to make
listen up
no one sleeps when i'm awake

(Chorus)
The dreams I dream
the song I sing for you
and they're coming from my heart
is my message getting through?
You know it hurts so bad
just like i knew that it would
but I'd do it again
do it again if I could

Hey heeey heeey
i want you to know (know know know...)
hey hey heeeeeeeeeeeeey heeeeeeey

Cause the dreams that i dream
and the songs that i sing
when I lost myself and a different meaning
Shot down and post, imagine although it's
hundreds of dreams
Taking place around you

(Chorus)
It hurts so bad
just like I knew that it would
but I'd do it again, I'd do it again if i could.
but I'd do it again, I'd do it again if I could.

I'd do it again
I'd do it again
I'd do it again
I'd do it again if I could!

Let the song speak for itself. Sleep well and good night.

2011-07-26T21:59:00.001+08:00

Pity not the illiterate
for they can't read
pity those whose hearts
cannot understand nor speak.
Pity not those who grieve or mourn,
pity those who cannot move on.
Pity not the scarred ones
for they have faced strife,
pity those who scratch their wounds
for they continue to resent life.

Another one

2011-07-26T21:14:00.000+08:00

Oh yes, you guessed it right. Another rant page for me. What do I do? This keeps me sane. I can't tell this to the person 'cause I'd end up smiling and the essence would be lost.

There are times when you are just browsing your FB and you see a status message or just a comment that would make your night crash. It happened to me, just now. Strange for me to be too affected when it's been months since I failed my thesis. It hurts like hell to see words like "graduate", "congratulations" "professional", "batch 2011" . I cringe inwardly but I've shrugged it off with a smile, yes, ALWAYS, with a smile, but they don't know how much it hurts. I've been optimistic for most of my years, but I'm getting tired.

I've always thought that I would die young. Well, I wish that I'd die young. No worries of old age, less people you'll see leave, lesser people who'll miss you. I sound like a coward, don't I? I don't care if I do, because it's true. I'm a coward. I'm afraid. I am clueless. I don't know where should I look for direction. I am where I don't want to be.

bizarre wednesday

2011-07-21T11:40:00.001+08:00

I think that this is blog worthy that's why I'm writing it down. Yesterday, I have plans to go to MOA which i fulfilled only by different means. My Ae fetched my cousin and me, so instead of me going ALONE, I am with them. I was just going to check if I could reserve tickets for saturday because I have a movie date with my best friend. Guess what will we be watching? What else? Deathly Hallows part 2! We checked if there were available tickets for saturday, but the only ones there was for IMAX, which was 450 bucks. So, no deal. I asked for the movie schedule, they still don't know. So no movie tickets for me, we'll just buy tickets on sat.*shrugs*
The real story here was the people I met. I've seen 4 acquaintances... or I think it was 5... Well, let's enumerate. First, we were going to the department store and I saw a high school friend, a year higher than me. We said our hi's and hello's then we're off to do our business. When we were off to buy dinner, I saw 2 church friends, so that's three people already. When we were seated, about to order our meal, I saw 2 church mates again, who was my other cousin's friend too because they work together. When we were waiting for our dinner, another high school mate popped, she was going to eat dinner with her, uh, boyfriend, who was seated on the table behind us. So I guess that makes 6 acquaintances in one day. I don't know that's just weird. Small world, huh?

Oh and I just noticed that I blogged more on July than any of the months I have been here on blogspot. I wonder why. :P

Be mine

2011-07-20T09:12:00.003+08:00

Be mine

The moon was shining

and the stars shimmering

His face was glowing and amazing.

He asked if I'm okay

I said "I'm fine"

The he asked "is it okay

if you could be mine?

The night went on

his hand holding mine

After a while he said

"Your eyes looks divine"

A smile crept upon my face

I spke "you're crazy"

He replie,"I can't define the

feeling I have inside"

Again, he asked, "is it okay

if you could be mine?"

I left the question hanging

and suggested "we should be dancing"

He took my hand and helped me stand

the next thing i knew he was staring

my stomach churned

my heart beat fast

i looked up at him

saying yes at last.

***Author's note: Again, this poem was written in 2005, so please forgive my crappy grammar. I copied this they way I wrote it. This is making me cringe. LMAO! posted this for the sake of my "poem friends", to give you a bit or my background in poetry writing. LOL!

Childhood Sweetheart

2011-07-20T08:51:00.001+08:00

Childhood Sweetheart

We've been friends for so long

I thought I've knwn you all along

I thought you were never wrong

Now you're like an unfinished song

All the laughter, all the sorrows

Things that we've shared

Once a story of knight and paramour

With their love so bare

Why, childhood sweetheart, why?

Memories are neglected and thrown

Then you'll leave with no goodbye

And end our story unknown.

***Author's Note: While I was in the shower earlier I thought of my little poem/sketch notebook way back when I was in highschool. I ransacked my drawers and found it, so here I am posting it for the sake of my "poem friends" hehe. This was written on January 15, 2005.

Deathly Hallows 2 review

2011-07-16T22:25:00.006+08:00

I have said this before, “I feel empty.” This post was due the night before but I can't complete it because I am still mourning for the characters that died.

For a Harry Potter fan, we all know how this was going to end. Without further ado, let’s start with the effects. As expected from a high-budgeted film and an experienced one, the computer graphics was superb. Hands down to the animators and visual designers, you’ve done a fantastical job. Once again, we were transported, or should I say “apparated”, to the glorious world of Harry Potter. Costume designers were awesome. Every dress, fabric and fiber made fitted like a glove to each of the characters, it made the movie more magical and at the same time grungy. The Goblin prosthetics was amazing. Sound effects were as expected, dramatic and melancholic. There were times when I felt like the scene was too silent, but I guess the director wanted us to savor the scene without the help of the music.

To be honest, I want to watch it again for the fear of missing some details that I need to write, I’m still in a sad trance, but I will watch it again next week so… I’ll just post again. Anyway, let's discuss the scenes.For me, every moment must not be missed. From the simple breathing of the goblins to the fiery breath of the dragon, everything was at its right place. I noticed that a lot of scenes from the book were missing, but as I have learned from several movie adaptations, if you expect the movie to be as good as the book then you will be disappointed. I believe that this movie was done with severe care, staying true to Jk Rowling's masterpiece as well as the art of movie making. This was not an easy feat, for Harry Potter has collected millions of fans all over the world, each of them wanting to be pleased.

***Spoiler starts here highlight if you want to read***

In the previous Harry Potter movie, they opened with a heart-breaking scene, Hermione obliviating the memories of her parents, knowing the danger she's going to face. Now, the movie opened with a quiet but grave tone. Then the scene in Hogwarts, Snape as the headmaster. If you haven't read the book you would loathe Snape in the movie. I am truly awed at Alan Rickman's acting ability, the villainous side of Snape is still seen so is his vulnerability, the ache in his eyes as he duels with Professor Mcgonagall. His duel with Mcgonagall was radical (and short). I applaud his performance, he should win an Emmy or an Academy Award. The tear in his left eye when he died.. that was heart wrenching.. His death will be the most remembered death in the series and it was duly justified for his character was magnificently flawed but tragically beautiful.

The Battle of Hogwarts was a beautiful mess. *sigh* I might start crying now, as I remember who fought in it. The bodies that lay unmoving, slain unmercifully by the fellow wizards and witches with different opinions about power and magic. I will never forget the bodies of Remus, Tonks, and... our beloved Fred. When I saw the cluster of Weasleys I was bawling because I knew who died. *sniff*

Another heart-breaking scene would be Snape's and Dumbledore's conversation. The word "Always" will have a different meaning now. We'll always remember the person who said it and to whom it was addressed. Snape's silent passion was so bittersweet that it made the readers love him in his last moments in the book as well as in the big screen.

Now, on to our hero, Harry Potter... his momentous walk toward the creature who made his life a living hell. This dramatic scene was given to us as softly as the actors can. It was a resigned yet powerful moment. I just wished that Daniel Radcliffe could have brought more, but no matter, he still performed well.

Oh, now I remember... Neville! Kudos to Neville Longbottom for beheading that gruesome snake, Nagini! And to Ginny, For shouting at Voldemort. Haha. I must applaud the Brits who made this movie as British as they can. It was truly awesome to have walked with Harry in the past 10 years... I believe that this will only be the start of many of the decades to come. Many more years of patronizing Harry Potter. This book deserves every bit of praise... it was bound to be a classic.

This should have been longer but I think i forgot the other things that I was going to say or put so, i'll just them in the next blog. Yes, there will be another Harry Potter review because I'm going to watch it again. I will be writing a tribute too.. so yeah, wait for it.

poems from pablo neruda

2011-07-12T14:06:00.001+08:00

I was looking for quotes from Wuthering Heights, well, actually, I was craving for Heathcliff's passionate quotable quotes. hmm... I think I'll compile my favorite quotes from Heathcliff in another post. So, anyway, I stumble upon Paolo Neruda's works and here they are.

"Take bread away from me, if you wish,
take air away, but
do not take from me your laughter.

Do not take away the rose,
the lance flower that you pluck,
the water that suddenly
bursts forth in joy,
the sudden wave
of silver born in you.

My struggle is harsh and I come back
with eyes tired
at times from having seen
the unchanging earth,
but when your laughter enters
it rises to the sky seeking me
and it opens for me all
the doors of life.

My love, in the darkest
hour your laughter
opens, and if suddenly
you see my blood staining
the stones of the street,
laugh, because your laughter
will be for my hands
like a fresh sword.

Next to the sea in the autumn,
your laughter must raise
its foamy cascade,
and in the spring, love,
I want your laughter like
the flower I was waiting for,
the blue flower, the rose
of my echoing country.

Laugh at the night,
at the day, at the moon,
laugh at the twisted
streets of the island,
laugh at this clumsy
fool who loves you,
but when I open
my eyes and close them,
when my steps go,
when my steps return,
deny me bread, air,
light, spring,
but never your laughter. "
— Pablo Neruda

Love Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were a salt rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Deleted scenes in the Harry Potter Movies

2011-07-11T06:22:00.000+08:00

Stoplight

2011-07-11T02:36:00.001+08:00

Stoplight

It is not fair
that you light up when you see me.
It is not fair
that you and I cannot be.
It is not fair
to just shrug and say
I'm sorry but let's be friends anyway.
It is not fair
for you to let me wait.
It is not fair
Don't turn my love into hate.

Untitled

2011-07-09T05:24:00.000+08:00

I hear a whisper
calling out your name
With a piercing whimper
It was battling shame

Now the heart bleeds
It was barely breathing
You are what it needs
Can't you hear it crying?

Ang pana

2011-07-07T15:16:00.001+08:00

Ang Pana

Nuong unang panahon

Ang iyong tanging silbi

Magpalago ng sibilisasyon

Pumatay ng lahi.

Ngayong taon

Hindi ako nagkamali

Pumupuksa ka parin

Nang walang pasintabi

Bakit ikaw ang ginamit

Ni kupidong maliit

Isang kasa, isang pihit

Buhay ay nagbagong pilit

Puso ay humandusay

Naglakad ng walang gabay

Tumingala sa langit

Dahil sa nangyaring mapait

Mabilis na pagtarak

Sa pusong warak

Ng panang Ligaw

Ang ngalan ay "ikaw".

** my attempt on a tagalog poem.

9 days till HPDH2

2011-07-06T11:17:00.000+08:00

It's tradition for my blog to show at least a clip or a trailer of a Harry Potter movie before it releases, so here are a few of them.

Harry Potter DH2 Clip... in the vault.

Harry Potter Trailers:

"Harry Potter in One Word"

Behind the scenes... The Featurette...

The Last day of Harry Potter.. *sobs*

I couldn't let this end with a sad note.. so here is a video we all know and, i don't know, loved? heheh. :P

Enjoy!!! :D

Star

2011-07-04T19:20:00.000+08:00

Star

You'd think that the stars seemed few,

For most of my wishes didn't come true.

A lone star gave me a chance to see,

A proof that love is not just a story.

Why did the star find me, I did not know.

I think it's time, I think I'm ready to show.

This heart is capable of heartaches and sadness,

But it is best for laughter, tenderness and fondness.

Unexpected, it started that way.

Unbelievable, I've never felt this way.

The stability, the beauty each time you smile.

The melody my heart sings, each time I call you "mine".

Oh Star, be my constant companion,

Be with me, my fears abandoned.

Most of all, dearest star, be my friend,

Whatever happens, I'll keep you till the end.

** When my best friend saw my previous poem, she told me to write a poem for her "status" in love, so here is my attempt. This poem may not reflect my best friend's love situation, it has a life of its own. It is merely inspired by her.

The windowsill

2011-07-02T14:09:00.000+08:00

The windowsill

Lay beside me,

Take comfort.

Abandon reality,

I am your fort.

In your world,

I take refuge.

In your enthusiasm,

Dreams are forged.

Stand beside me,

Let us cry.

"We'll fight this battle,

Let them try."

Hold my hand,

Sing with me.

Find the others,

Raze an effigy.

Still we return,

Drinking forlorn,

To burning shadows,

We weep, we mourn.

Lay beside me,

Heave a sigh.

Wake from your reverie,

Time left us, by and by.

2011-07-02T01:12:00.000+08:00

I feel like jimmy edwards in one tree hill.

I want to hammer my heart
and stop it with a gun,
hoping to tear the pain away

I am so tired, so tired of hoping.
Exhausted, I am one step from falling apart.
Someone asked me if I wanted to live longer,
I answered no.
Who would want to live in this trash bin?

The humans think that the animals are dirty.
NO, we are the dirtiest creatures that God created.

I"m tired of arguing with my thoughts.
I now rest and wish for endless slumber.

crappy poem. crap my life. damn.

daunted.

2011-07-01T11:29:00.000+08:00

I dare not look,
I dare not feel.
I scald alone,
I live in fear.

I could not trust,
I could not lie.
I do what I must,
Lest I will die.

I suffer alone,
I hide my tears.
I am scorched,
I flinch at my sear.

No solace,
I live in fear.
I am lost,
You cannot hear.

** Trying my hand, yet again, at poetry.

chafing

2011-06-30T10:53:00.000+08:00

I am tired, beloved, of chafing my heart
against the want of you; of squeezing it
into little ink drops, and posting it.
And I scald alone, here,
under the fire of the great moon.
- Amy Lowell.

Recently, my online friends wrote heart-breaking poems and quotes. They are the inspiration to the revival of this blog. I am trying to conjure the nearest words that describe what I feel but every time I do that, I only stare at the blank sheet in front of me.Nonetheless, I tried and here is what I wrote...

I scald alone
I torture myself,
I wish for you,
It never came true.

That's it. haha.

Kidding! That's the first stanza, I will continue this when I am in the mood. Rihanna is playing on the background so I feel like dancing and not wallowing. *laughs*

Weird me. *face palm*

I scald alone

2011-06-30T10:44:00.000+08:00

I am sick and tired of this feeling. The feeling of wanting something and not having it. If only I could be more content and less worldly i'd live peacefully, void of the temptations of the earth.

I had a fight with my mom again. She was rambling on how I am with her, that I was lucky to have a job even if I'm an undergraduate and that if I do not want my job, I should just quit and look for another one. The reason why we quarreled? I stayed up late in front of the computer. Seems a petty reason, eh? She has a way of complicating things. She makes small things BIG and rambles on anything under the sun. (kung baga inuungat pa ang mga dapat na di ungkatin, pahumble pero mayabang)

Ay ewan ko sakanya.Nakakainis lang.

These are a few of my favorite sweets

2011-06-29T14:50:00.000+08:00

When the dog bites, when the bees stings, when i'm feeling sad, i simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel so bad. :)

I guess I'll be posting more often here. I can't put too personal stuff on tumblr. hehe. So all i want to say now is that I love blowpops! I'm kinda bummed that few people knows it. It is usually displayed with those tootsie roll lollipops so you can't miss it in any Candy Corner stall. If you are one of those people, here is a picture. :)

Yeah, that's what it looks like. ;) mmmm... you're gonna buy one now, aren't you? Go ahead, this post is going to end right about now. Run!

are you registered in pottermore?

2011-06-27T14:37:00.000+08:00

So what's the fuss with pottermore? Well, it only means that Harry Potter fans will still live after the last movie!!! hahaha! It's not the end for us, Potter addicts! The story will live on FOREVER! As long as we believe, Harry Potter will continue to be.

Thank you J.K. Rowling for this gift. :)

old "small" grand piano

2011-06-23T15:50:00.000+08:00

so hello again my blog, how are you in this rainy day? Are you cold? Here, let me give you a blanket. hahaha!

I was listening to classical music earlier (and I still am) and it reminded me of my college days at UST. When we were 2nd year or 1st year, we used to go to the Main Bldg.'s museum and we play on that old "small" grand piano. The sound was amusing 'cause it sounded like a harpsichord or something.. uh... You know how the grand piano sounds? The depth and the volume rings out when you play hard. Well, this piano lack that sound, it sounded petite, it was oddly high in tune. hahaha. i don't know. *shrugs*

I don't know why I suddenly blogged about this piano. hahah! Oh yeah, because I heard of Franz Liszt "La Campanella" and it makes me drum my fingers into an imaginary piano. I really wish that I could play piano that well. I want to learn those Classical scores. Every time I hear a piano played, my heart flutters.

2011-06-22T21:03:00.000+08:00

Since I'm in the mood for posting... I would post this famous poem named after the movie "10 things I hate about you" or rather the movie was named after the poem... either way, here it is.

I hate the way you talk to me,

And the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car,

I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots

And the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick,

It even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you’re always right,

I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh,

Even worse when you make me cry

I hate it when you’re not around,

And the fact that you didn’t call

But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,

Not even close…

Not even a little bit…

Not even at all

~10 Things I hate About You

One tree hill revisited Part 2

2011-06-22T16:29:00.000+08:00

Another round of my favorite quotes... hehehe. Enjoy!

EPISODE #315 · JUST WATCH THE FIREWORKS

Coach 'Whitey' Durham from 2005: "It's been fifty years, fifty long years since I've done this. Looking back on what I said all those years ago, all the hopes and dreams I had, I've come to the conclusion that if having things turn out the way you wanted them to is the measure of a successful life, then some would say that I'm a failure. The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past. And recognize that every day won't be sunny, and when you find yourself lost in the darkness and despair remember it's only in the black of night you see the stars. And those stars will lead you back home. So don't be afraid to make mistakes, or stumble and fall, cause most of the time the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you'll get everything you wish for. Maybe you'll get more than you ever could have imagined. Who knows where life will take you. The road is long and in the end, the journey is the destination."

EPISODE #318 · WHEN IT ISN'T LIKE IT SHOULD BE
[ NATHAN'S MARRIAGE RE-PROPOSAL TO HALEY ]

Nathan: "Over the past year I've learned so much about life and love. And even if I could, I wouldn't take back all the bad stuff that's happened between us, 'cause it brought us here, this moment, this river. Marry me, Haley. Marry me again in front of all our friends and our family."
Haley: "Always. Always and forever."

EPISODE #303 · FIRST DAY ON A BRAND NEW PLANET
Haley: "I'm usually one of those people who likes the fist day of school. You know, new pens; new book; new backpack."
Brooke: "A nerd."
Haley: "Exactly!"
Brooke: "You know, sometimes people play hard-to-get because they need to know the other person's feelings are real."

EPISODE #313 · THE WIND THAT BLEW MY HEART AWAY
Ellie: "Every song has a CODA, a final movement. Whether it fades out or crashes away. Every song ends. Is that any reason not to enjoy the music? The truth is, there is nothing to be afraid of. It's just life."

EPISODE #316 · WITH TIRED EYES, TIRED MINDS, TIRED SOULS, WE SLEPT
Jimmy Edwards: "Everyday that I have to come to this school, is another day I don't have to come back."

Peyton: "Luke, it was your friend. The one from the time capsule. He had the gun. But he didn't look evil, or angry- he just looked scared."

Peyton: "You're always saving me."
Lucas: "Somebody's got to."
Peyton: "If I say, 'I love you,' right now will you hold it against me? Cause I've lost a lot of blood."

Mouth: "It wasn't supposed to be this way. The artists, and the scientists, and the poets...none of them fit in at seventeen. You're supposed to get past it. Adults, they see kids killing kids and they know its a tragedy because they used to be those kids. The bullies and the beaten and the loners. You're supposed to get past it. You're supposed to live long enough to take it back. Just take it all back."

Abby: "What's wrong with you? He's just a kid. We're all just kids and we just have this life and the things you say and do, we feel that. How can you have so much hate in your heart? How can you act like it doesn't matter? It does matter. What happened to us? We're just kids. We can't be like this. It's not possible."

Jimmy: "I wanted them to leave me alone. I just.. I wanted them to like me."
Keith: "I understand son, it's what we all want. It's what any of us wants."
Jimmy: "I'm not here .. I'm not here!"
Keith: "It will be better son."
Jimmy: "But it hurts it always hurts."
Keith: "I know."

EPISODE #319 · I SLEPT WITH SOMEONE FROM FALL OUT BOY AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS STUPID SONG WRITTEN ABOUT ME
Larry (to Peyton): "Just promise me one thing, promise me that when you pick the boy you're really going to be with, that he'll be someone who respects you and treats you well. And, it's someone who makes your heart race and that he's someone you love because of what he is, not what he does. Because, that's how I felt about your mother, and that’s how I want you to feel one day. Use your head and follow your heart."

EPISODE #222 · THE TIDE THAT LEFT AND NEVER CAME BACK

"There are two tragedies in life: one is to lose your heart's desire, the other is to gain it." -- George Bernard Shaw
Brooke: "George Bernard Shaw once wrote; 'There are two tragedies in life: one is to lose your heart's desire, the other is to gain it.' Clearly, Shaw had his heart broken once or twice."

Nathan: "As far as I’m concerned, Shaw was a punk! 'Cause you know what? Tragedies happen. What're you gonna do, give up? Quit? No. I realize now that when your heart breaks, you gotta fight like hell to make sure you’re still alive. 'Cause you are, and that pain you feel: it's life. The confusion and fear.. that's there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better. And that something is worth fighting for."
Haley: "This year, I got everything I wanted and everything I wished for.. but, in a way, I lost even more."

Lucas: "Shaw was right: as we strain to grasp the things we desire, the things we think will make our lives better: money, popularity, fame... we ignore what truly matters -- the simple things: like friendship, family, love. The things we probably already had."

Mouth: "So, Mr. Shaw thinks that getting your hearts desire is a tragedy? I say he’s wrong. I mean, clearly, Shaw never kissed Erica Marsh."
Peyton: "Yeah, losing your heart’s desire is tragic. But gaining your heart’s desire... It’s all you can hope for. This year, I wished for love. To immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic… then give me tragedy. Because, I wouldn’t give it back for the world."

One tree hill revisited

2011-06-22T15:01:00.000+08:00

We were talking about one tree hill last night and a particular quote by Mr. Shaw. So i decided to dive into my multiply account and resurrect my favorite voiceovers from One Tree Hill. ;)

EPISODE #101 · THE PLACES YOU HAVE COME TO FEAR THE MOST
[ Voiceover Done By: Lucas ]

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists.. it is real.. it is possible.. it's yours."
-- Ayn Rand, "Atlas Shrugged"

EPISODE #102 · ARE YOU TRUE?
[ Voiceover Done By: Lucas ]

"E.E. Cummings once wrote; 'To be nobody-but-yourself - in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.'"

EPISODE #104 · WHERE I END AND YOU BEGIN
[ Voiceover Done By: Lucas ]

"John Steinbeck once wrote; 'It seems to me that if you or I must choose between two courses of thought or action, we should remember our dying and try so to live that our death brings no pleasure on the world.'"

EPISODE #110 · THE LIVING YEARS
[ Voiceover Done By: Lucas ]

"And the little prince said to the man, 'Grownups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always explaining things to them.'" -- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

EPISODE #202 · TRUTH DOESN'T MAKE A NOISE
[ Voiceover Done By: Lucas ]

"T.H. White said; perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically…to those who hardly think about us in return."

EPISODE #206 · WE MIGHT AS WELL BE STRANGERS
[ Voiceover Done By: Lucas ]

"Katherine Anne Porter once said; 'There seems to be a kind of order in the universe…in the movement of the stars and the turning of the Earth and the changing of the seasons. But human life is almost pure chaos. Everyone takes his stance, asserts his own right and feelings, mistaking the motives of others, and his own.'"

EPISODE #207 · LET THE REIGNS GO LOOSE
[ Voiceover Done By: Lucas ]

"Oliver Wendell Holmes once said: Many people die with their music still IN them. Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live...Before they know it...time runs out."

EPISODE #208 · TRUTH, BITTER TRUTH
[ Voiceover Done By: Brooke ]

"Someone once said; 'It’s the good girls who keep diaries. The bad girls never have the time. Me… I just wanna live a life I’m gonna remember. Even if I don’t write it down.'"

NOTE: That 'someone' was Tallulah Bankhead.

EPISODE #211 · THE HEART BRINGS YOU BACK
[ Voiceover Done By: Lucas ]

"Tennessee Williams once wrote; When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone."

EPISODE #216 · SOMEWHERE A CLOCK IS TICKING
[ Voiceover Done By: Lucas ]

"Kahlil Gibran once wrote; 'You're reason and your passion are the rudder.. and the sails of your seafaring soul. If either be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burn to it’s own destruction.'"

EPISODE #217 · SOMETHING I CAN NEVER HAVE
[ Voiceover Done By: Lucas ]

"Charles Bukowski once wrote; 'There will always be something to ruin our lives. It all depends on what or which finds us first. You're always ripe and ready to be taken.'"

EPISODE #222 · THE TIDE THAT LEFT AND NEVER CAME BACK

"And Hansel said to Gretel, 'Let us drop these breadcrumbs... so that together we find our way home. Because losing our way would be the most cruel of things.' This year.. I lost my way."
[ Voiceover Done By: Lucas ]

"And losing your way on a journey is unfortunate. But, losing your reason for the journey... is a fate more cruel."[ Voiceover Done By: Nathan ]

"The journey lasted eight months. Sometimes I traveled alone, sometimes, there were others who took the wheel -- and took my heart. But when the destination was reached, it wasn’t me who arrived...it wasn't me at all." [ Voiceover Done By: Peyton ]

"And once you lose yourself, you have two choices: find the person you used to be... or lose that person completely." [ Voiceover Done By: Brooke ]

"Because, sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you've been. And remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are."
[ Voice Over Done By: Mouth ]

EPISODE #223 · THE LEAVERS DANCE
[ Voiceover Done By: Lucas ]

"Tennessee Williams once wrote; 'We all live in a house of fire. No fire department to call. No way out. Just the upstairs window to look out of while the fire burns the house down… with us trapped, locked in it.'"

EPISODE #301 · LIKE YOU LIKE AN ARSONIST
[ Voiceover Done By: Peyton ]

"At this moment, there are 6 billion, 4 hundred, 71 million, 8 hundred, 18 thousand, 6 hundred, 71 people in the world. Some are running scared.. some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day.. others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men at war with good, and some are good.. struggling with evil. 6 billion people in the world, 6 billion souls -- and sometimes.. all you need is 1."

EPISODE #302 · FROM THE EDGE OF THE DEEP GREEN SEA
[ Voiceover Done By: Lucas ]

"Henry David Thoreau once wrote: 'Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit and resign yourself to the influences of each.'"

EPISODE #303 · FIRST DAY ON A BRAND NEW PLANET
[ Voiceovers Done By: Lucas ]

"Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote: 'All are architects of fate... living in these walls of time.'"

"Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote: 'All are architects of fate... so look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again.'"

EPISODE #306 · LOCKED HEARTS AND HAND GRENADES
[ Voiceover Done By: Lucas ]

"Out of the night that covers me, black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeoninga of chance my head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears looms but the horror of the shade, and yet the menace of the years finds, shall find, me unafraid. It matters not how strait the gate, how charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul." -- Invictus

EPISODE #308 · THE WORST DAY SINCE YESTERDAY
[ Voiceover Done By: Lucas ]

"Robert Louis Stevenson wrote: 'you can not run away from weakness; you must fight it out... or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?'"

EPISODE #310 · BRAVE NEW WORLD
[ Voiceover Done By: Lucas ]

"IDA Scott Taylor wrote: 'Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone, and do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.'"

EPISODE #311 · RETURN OF THE FUTURE
[ Voiceover Done By: Lucas ]

"Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag and begin slitting throats."

EPISODE #314 · ALL TOMORROW'S PARTIES

"I read a poem once about a girl who had a crush on a guy who died. She imagined him up in heaven with all the beautiful angels, and she was jealous. Ellie is gone, I imagine her with the bad ass angels now. Hanging out with them in their black leather jackets, causing trouble. But, I'm not jealous, I just miss her." [ Voiceover Done By:Peyton ]

"Most of our life is a series of images. They pass us by like towns on the highway. But sometimes a moment stuns us as it happens. And we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment, every part of it, will live on forever.'"
[ Voiceover Done By: Lucas ]

EPISODE #316 · WITH TIRED EYES, TIRED MINDS, TIRED SOULS, WE SLEPT
[ Voiceover Done By: Lucas ]

"Does this darkness have a name? This cruelty, this hatred. How did it find us? Did it steal into our lives or did we seek it out and embrace it? What happened to us? That we now send our children into the world like we send young men into war, hoping for their safe return. But knowing that some will be lost along the way. When did we lose our way? Consumed by the shadows, swallowed whole by the darkness. Does this darkness have a name? Is it your name?"

EPISODE #318 · WHEN IT ISN'T LIKE IT SHOULD BE
[ Voiceovers Done By: Lucas ]

"Henry James once wrote: 'Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.'"

"John Steinbeck once wrote: 'Change comes like a little wind that ruffles the curtains at dawn, and it comes like the stealthy perfume of wildflowers hidden in the grass.'"

EPISODE #319 · I SLEPT WITH SOMEONE FROM FALL OUT BOY AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS STUPID SONG WRITTEN ABOUT ME
[ Voiceover Done By: Lucas ]

"George Eliot once wrote: 'There is no despair so absolute as that which comes with the first moments of our first great sorrow, when we have not yet known what it is to have suffered and healed, to have despaired and have recovered hope.'"

EPISODE #320 · EVERYDAY IS A SUNDAY EVENING
[ Voiceovers Done By: Nathan ]

"Stepping up. It's a simple concept. It basically means to rise above yourself; to do a little more, to show you something special. Something like this. Lucas is gone, but that doesn't mean the season is over. As a matter of fact, I say it's just beginning. You might want to stay out of my way for a while. Life's funny sometimes; can push pretty hard like when you fall in love with someone but they forget to love you back, like when your best friend and your boyfriend leave you alone, like when you pull the trigger or light the flame and you can't take it back. Like I said, in sports they call this 'stepping up'. In life, I call it 'pushing back".'

"You know it's been said that we just don't recognize the significant moments of our lives while they're happening. We grow complacent with ideas, or things or people and we take them for granted and it's usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you've realized how wrong you've been that you realized how much you need it, how much you love it. God, I love this game."

"You ever heard the expression 'The best things in live are free.' Well that expression is true.' Every once in a while, people step up they rise above themselves sometimes they surprise you and sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes. It can push pretty hard but if you look close enough, you can find hope in the words of children, in the bars of the song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you're lucky, if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back."

EPISODE #322 · THE SHOW MUST GO ON
[ Voiceovers Done By: Lucas ]

"At this moment there are six billion, five hundred and two million, eight hundred and sixty seven thousand, one hundred and twenty people in the world, give or take a few and sometimes all you need is one. For better or for worse."

"William Shakespeare wrote; 'Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds. It is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken. Love alters not with time’s brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom.'"

EPISODE #402 · THINGS I FORGOT AT BIRTH
[ Voiceovers Done By: Lucas ]

"There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days."

"And, of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back."

"There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads."

"But, once in a while, people push onto something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone. And just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in."

"Or to give someone a second chance."

"Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream."

"Because, it's only when you’re tested that you truly discover who you are."

"And, it's only when you're tested that you discover who you can be."

"The person you want to be does exist; somewhere on the other side of hard work and faith and belief. And, beyond the heartache and fear of what lies ahead."

EPISODE #403 · GOOD NEWS FOR PEOPLE WHO LOVE BAD NEWS
[ Voiceovers Done By: Lucas ]

"You ever look at a picture of yourself and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you, how many moments of other peoples lives have we been in, we're we a part of someone's life when their dreams came true, or were we there when their dreams died. Did we keep trying to get in, as if we were somehow destined to be there, or did the shot take us by surprise. Just think, you could be a big part of someone else's life, and not even know it."

EPISODE #404 · CAN'T STOP THIS THING WE STARTED
[ Voiceovers Done By: Lucas ]

"There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment, you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on path? Will others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be haunted by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or simply give up."

"There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment who will you be? Will you let down your defenses, and find solace in someone unexpected? Will you reach out? Will you face your greatest fear bravely? And move forward with faith. Or will you succumb to the darkness in your soul?"

EPISODE #407 · ALL THESE THINGS THAT I'VE DONE
[ Voiceovers Done By: Lucas ]

"Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small like when we do a bad thing for a good reason. Some are bigger like when you let down a friend.

Some of us escape the pain of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret because we're looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past, and sometimes we bury our regret by promising to change your own ways.

But, our biggest regrets are not for the things we did -- but, for the things we didn't do. Things we didn't say that could've save someone that we care about. Especially when we can see the dark storm that's headed their way."

EPISODE #410 · SONGS TO LOVE AND DIE BY
[ Voiceovers Done By: Lucas ]

"Have you ever wondered what marks our timing? If one life can really make an impact on the world? Or if the choices we make matter? Sometimes in order to move forward, you have to go back. In this case, just a few minutes."

"Have you ever wondered what marks our timing? If one life can really make an impact on the world? Or if the choices we make matter? I believe they do. And I believe that one man can change many lives... for better, or worse."

EPISODE #417 · IT GETS WORST AS NIGHT
[ Voiceovers Done By: Lucas ]

William Blake once wrote; "There are things that are known and thing that are unknown, and in between, there are doors.

EPISODE #418 · THE RUNAWAY FOUND
[ Voiceovers Done By: Lucas ]

"Sometimes I wonder if anything is absolute anymore. Is there still right and wrong? Good and bad? Truth and lies? Or is everything negotiable, left to interpretation, gray? Sometimes were forced to bend the truth? to transform it because we are faced with things that are not of our own making. And sometimes, things simply catch up with us."

EPISODE #502 · RACING LIKE A PRO
[ Voiceovers Done By: Haley ]

"You can choose to blame your circumstances on fate or bad luck or bad choices. Or you can fight back."

"Things aren’t always going to be fair in the real world. That’s just the way it is. But for the most part, you get what you give. Rest of your life is being shaped right now. With the dreams you chase….The choices you make….and the person you decide to be. The rest of your life is a long time. And the rest of your life starts right now."

EPISODE #509 · FOR TONIGHT YOU'RE ONLY HERE TO KNOW
[ Voiceovers Done By: Mouth ]

"There was a high school basketball game tonight somewhere in America. A team won and a team lost. That's not the real story. The real story is about fathers and sons. It's about life and time and change. Girls and boys went to the game. They dressed and hoped to fit in. Some did. Some didn't. It's a story that has history and chapters yet to be written. There was a high school basketball game tonight somewhere in America. Reporters will report. They'll tell you who the high scorer was and what the keys to the game were. But that's not the real story. As a matter of fact, that's not the story at all."

EPISODE #513 · ECHOES, SILENCE, PATIENCE AND GRACE
[ Voiceovers Done By: Peyton, Lucas, Brooke, Nathan and Haley ]

Peyton: "Name a wish, place it in your heart. Anything you want, everything you want.

Lucas: "Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true.
             You never know when the next miracle can come from, the next smile, the next wish com true."

Peyton: "But if you believe that it right around the corner.
              And you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the serenity of it."

Brooke: "You just may get the thing your are wishing for."

Nathan: "The world is full of magic you just have to believe it.
               So make your wish. Do you have it?"

Haley: "Good. Now believe in it with all you heart."

Penguin

2011-06-21T14:50:00.000+08:00

Ciao blogspot, I've missed you. I wouldn't touch you if it weren't for my online friends. haha! We were talking about poems and composition and stuff. So, "hello" blogspot for me again and "i'll come back to you later" tumblr.

I was supposed to write a sales report at this moment but i feel like i need to unload some of my mixed emotions. Before I delve into that, I am proud to say that I've made a new header for my blogspot. Yay for me! *clap clap*

---

For three days straight, since friday, I was out till 10pm or 11pm. What was I doing out? Last friday, I met up with my friend because he was going to watch the Miley Cyrus concert at MOA concert grounds. Saturday, I went to meet up with my friends in Megamall for the toycon. There was a Harry Potter booth and since we're HP fans we decided to go together and marvel at the 4 original costumes from the Harry Potter set. Sunday, I went to church inthe morning and Toycon again in the afternoon. I have met up with my church friends who do Cosplay, my friends from UST, my friends from Saturday's toycon with their costumes and my Powwow friends. I miss them already. :'(

I wish that Sundays would last longer than any other days.

----

We were talking about Christina Perri yesterday and I am listening to her album. One song that my friends recommended me was "Arms" but I am drawn to "Penguins" haha. I don't know why but I searched for the lyrics and here is what I found...

Can you find the time
to let your lover love you
He only wants to show you,
the things he wants to learn too
The hardest parts you'l get through
And in the end you'll have your best friend
Love like this may come once
Baby it's fate like a soul mate
He's your penguin
Baby it's fate
Baby it's fate not luck

Can you find the timeto let your lover hold youHe needs somebody to hold too,his loves strong and so trueHis arrow is aiming for youAnd he's the one that you were born to love
Love like this may come onceBaby it's fate like a soul mateHe's your penguinBaby it's fateBaby it's fate not luck
Let go, let go of time for you and ILet go, let go of time for you and ILet go, let go of time for you and I
Love like this is all I wantBaby we're fateLove like this may come onceBaby we're fate like a soul mateYou're my penguinBaby we're fateBaby it's fate not luck

There. I'm not a believer of fate, or am i? haha! I don't know.

Harry Potter Final Trailer.

2011-06-17T09:22:00.000+08:00

The Final Harry Potter Trailer.
The movie that I anticipated the most this year. I can't wait for it but i hate that it will end. :"(
Thank you Harry Potter for being a part of my childhood.... :'(

wreck

2011-05-15T23:10:00.000+08:00

The last time I posted here was on February. Sorry my blogspot, Tumblr captivated me. I'm back now for the mean time. hehehe.

As usual, I am feeling depressed, so I blog.

First off, I do not understand myself one bit. I am a mess. I do things impulsively. I can't even understand my own feelings. I am a wreck. A smiling wreck!

----

I can't understand why people treat me this way. Am I too nice, or am I just too gullible? Am I trying to fit in or am I trying to conform? Am I just too different?

Sometimes I just want to be indifferent.

downplay

2011-02-28T21:07:00.000+08:00

This entry was triggered by my goddaughter's homework. It was about the figures of speech. Funny, I had to look them up in the net. hehe. Just for clarifications , of course. I have been keeping a blog for crying out loud and I don't even know what are the figures of speech?! no effin' way. hahaha! Anyway, I volunteered to do her homework because I know that I could do it better.

What really made me write this blog is the fact that I had to downplay my abilities to make beautiful figures of speech (not bragging) into simple grade-school level ones.

You know how authors make simple children stories and turn it into a thought provoking one, that's how I feel now with the homework. Downplaying. When you downplay, the quality is poor and it's not self- gratifying at all. In life, it's the same, never downplay because you might regret the outcome later. Grasp every opportunity as if it is the last, especially in Church Ministries.

Lately, I have been downplaying my spiritual life. Is there such thing??? Well, i think there is.. because I know I can do so much more for God but I end up serving Him in a mediocre way. It sucks, really, to serve with not giving your all. We are all called to glorify the One True God, but we are not facing the responsibility head on.

Words can be easily said but it is hardly done.I think I'll just wait until God prods me hard, or maybe when He slaps my head hard, and wake me from this insanity.

Mushy.

2011-02-07T23:21:00.000+08:00

I'm tuned in to 94.7 while The Fray" is singing "how to save a life" at me. With a cup of warm coffee beside, I'm all set for ranting.

It's February, the love month, as they constantly remind me. You see it on the streets, the posters, everywhere is buzzing with the Valentine's fever.

To be honest, I've done little of flirting in my 21 years of existence. I am as what you call, dense and "torpe". One thing that might describe me at this moment it a song by White Stripes... the lyrics goes like this...

"Yeah, You don't know what love is
you just do what you're told..."

Truth is, I don't know what love is...
Am I in love when I think of him constantly?
Am I in love when I relate every little thing to his life?
Am I in love when he makes my heart flutter?
Am I in love or am i stupid enough to believe him even though my instincts tell me that he is lying?

I am writing this blog with one guy on my mind. He has been residing in my mind for years now. He doesn't know that, or does he?
I quote Peeta on this, he doesn't know the effect he has on people.
I know he has changed but, boy, every time I see him again, my heart goes bonkers.
I've had a bunch of crushes, distractions, i might say, but after I get tired of them, I come back to him.
We haven't talked for months and I don't know what he's been up to these past months. I miss him so much. He makes my heart ache. If you browse through my blogs, he will be the guy I'm talking about.

Commercial break: I swatted a mosquito on my screen. ew.

Anyway, recently I've been thinking and maybe, or I've known this all along... I haven't got over him yet. Twice he broke my heart. And still he makes it beat. Well, not him entirely.

Okay, another thing to discuss.
I have not been talking to God lately and my life sucked. It's true, really. When you stopped talking to God or fail on your relationship with God, You might as well be crippled. There's a void that can't be filled by human love nor by worldly pleasures. There's a spot in your heart that is reserved for God. It's like a light switch, God is the only being that can turn you on. Once the light is off, you feel scared, lost and confused. But with God, it's like a light being switched on, you see everything fall into place. You see your meaning in the world. It is really astounding how one moment I seem to drown into despair and the next moment driven by the Holy Spirit, I turn to praise God.

Patching a relationship is hard but as our pastor says, it's God who does the reaching, all we have to do is reach back. We are saved not because we earned it but because God chose us to be saved.
I don't know why I'm so confident that God will help me get back to my feet, when I should wallow in grief for the sins I've thrown at Him. I have sinned and I do not deserve His Grace yet He keeps showering it on me. I do not deserve it one bit, not even a milli bit. I am a fool who keeps on disobeying Him and yet He is so Merciful and so compassionate. I do not know what to do, I turn a deaf ear at him but He keeps on shouting advices. I turn a blind eye at Him but he acts out His instructions. I am not fit to be His servant yet He calls me.

I am torn. My mind in a battle. I am not doing well. I hope He saves me once again before I drown, again. Again. Again.

under construction

2011-01-23T00:06:00.001+08:00

this blog is under construction.

I crapped on my thesis

2011-01-12T00:06:00.000+08:00

I swear after I graduate, that is IF I graduate, I will buy my own laptop!

As usual, I start my blog with ranting for that is the purpose that I made one. Alright, ladies and gentlemen, imma let 'er rip!

Saturday.
My monitor gave up on me. So I asked my friend for an overnight so that I can use her desktop and finish off my thesis. The sleep over was all right and it did great for my ads. But I am still monitor-less.

Sunday.
I went home with my thesis in my pocket and with a mission to find a monitor. I rang up my good friend from high school who lives 3 blocks away to borrow their monitor which I am to return by 9am in the morning on Monday.

Monday.
I bought a P950 monitor with a broad back from a surplus computer shop in Gilmore. I worked with it for hours til midnight, then I went off to sleep only to find my CPU not working in the morning. The day could not have been more crappier, right?!

Tuesday.
CPU not working. Thank God my cousin allowed me to borrow her laptop. As soon as I plugged in to the net, i went off searching for Photoshop. Downloading took me the whole afternoon. Monitor crappy, CPU broke and crappy, and now the net is joining their league. What is this day? Bring more crap into Ana's day?!

Now, I am full of this crappy vibe and I can't get back to my thesis. Only God can help me now. My head is now full of buzzing bees, who whispers "what ifs" and "why". Why did I do this to myself?

Thank you blog, I have unloaded some of my crappy feelings here to be archived.

I am now wondering if I have studied the right course. If I am really meant for Advertising. They say that what fills your mind when you wake up in the morning is the thing you want to do the most. I wake up every morning wishing that my thesis was done.

I wish I was a gifted writer instead. I really wish that.

a bad habit of moi

2011-01-06T02:28:00.000+08:00

I am supposed to be on photoshop mode but here I am typing away in this blog. This has become a bad habit of mine. Damn you social networking, but I love you anyway! *sigh*

Okay, so I bought a planner last year before Christmas and I am proud to say that I am writing in it! :D Yay! The cute thing about my planner is it's cute! hahaha! It's smaller than the starbucks planner so it's very efficient for me 'cause my bag is always heavy with coins and trash! :P It has a cute design too. It is cute. yes, it is. That is the word for it. Cute. Oh, add in "adorable" too. It's cute and adorable. heehee.

I am blogging because of lack of motivation. My thesis checklist is in front of me and I know what to do with... crumple and tear it to bits! *evil laugh* but no, i'm not going to that. *sigh*
Though I want to. But then, what will happen to my thesis? ugh! theshits!!!

Lately I have been listening to Bruno Mars. Yes, I've only listened to him after my cousin downloaded some songs on my itunes. So thanks to her, Bruno Mars has another listener. I specifically like his song "Grenade". It is just so dramatic and emotional. *applause* I think that's a trait of most Filipino singers, or half-blood Filipino, or 1/4 Filipino, whatever, I think that's a trait of most Filipinos, the emotion when they sing. The passion and the story in their songs make people love them. I am not saying that other countries do not sing with passion, i'm just saying that most Filipino bloods have this emotional sting to their songs. err, well, that's just my opinion. :P

What I miss most is the part of my childhood when I don't care what people think and the time when I don't have to think of responsibilities. I miss the part when I wanted to grow up fast and when I wasn't aware of the real world.

And there you go, another episode of my random thoughts. *bows*

Photo torture

2011-01-04T03:47:00.000+08:00

Here I go again with my ranting.

A photograph. A simple piece of memoir made from a device called camera. It can be heart warming and smile forming but at times it can be devastating. A simple piece can be a very brutal torture.

A photograph I saw earlier,

Not of me,

Not of her,

But you two together.

I flip, I scan, I grimace

Your photos seem endless.

I grin, I frown, I grit,

My, my, I could have a fit.

I should be doing something

Instead I'm frowning.

You sure have a way in me,

You bastard, you'll be the death of me.

*exhales* You sure have a way in me, given that I only saw a picture of you together. The sad part is... it is still you.

happy new year?

2011-01-01T00:25:00.000+08:00

This is the saddest New year I have experienced. I try to smile and greet everyone a happy new year but my heart cries. I see my family physically together but their thoughts and actions are apart. One tries to mend the broken bond, but the other hesitates.

Blow the "torotot" to ward of the evil spirits they say, but i blow that thing to release a bit of uneasiness and melancholic emotion inside me.

I see people smile on the T.V. Are those smiles real? Or do they keep a facade like I do.

OH, indeed, it is a Happy New Year.

2010-12-13T23:25:00.000+08:00

Bakit ganun? may mga bagay na gusto mong kalimutan pero di maiwasan. Babalik at babalik parin sila maski anong gawin mo. Bakit may mga bagay na ang hirap alisin sa buhay? Na kapag inalis mo magmimistulang tingting sa kusina, ginagamit lang kapag kailangan.
Bakit minsan ang daming tanong sa utak mo at hindi mo sila masagot?
Bakit bakit bakit?

The beginning of an ending.

2010-12-03T10:20:00.000+08:00

*Warning: Spoilers below*

This post is way overdue. I have watched HPDH last monday, november 15 andI have only blogged this now. I apologize to my blog conscience for postponing this entry. Without further ado, here is my take on Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

Like most of the Harry Potter movies, we begin with Privet Drive, where Harry lived his childhood days before Hogwarts. Harry, who was branded as "the boy who lived" , was now "The Chosen One" and further more in the movie, "The Undesirable One". The movie started with an aura of knowing darkness. It is like Lemony Snicket saying that if you watch further, you will see a series of unfortunate events. And so we shall.

Hermione's family. Tears fell instantly when I saw Hermione obliviate her parents. I sadly love this scene because the director , for me, is saying that Hermione would lay down her life for the Wizard world. It is not Harry's fight anymore, it is also theirs. These are dark times indeed, and Hermione's cleverness/readiness will prove their worth as the story progresses. This scene was so moving because it portrays a sad acceptance of what to come.

The 7 Potters. NO doubt about it, Harry Potter's visual effects are pleasantly improving. I was laughing when Hermione changed into Harry. Daniel Radcliffe imitated her well! :)

Flight from Privet Drive. I was expecting that I would have a chance to take a glimpse of what happens to each of the 7 Potters. How George got his hole, how Mundungus Fletcher fled. But I think it also unnecessary since we have a lot of ground to cover.

Hedwig dies. It was a nice twist to have Hedwig died because she saved Harry. I have no qualms about that.

What I like about this movie is that it mixes a heart wrenching scene with some humor and you can purely laugh at the pun. That was what I saw when George's ear was shot by a spell. My eyes were brimming with tears from Hermione's obliviate scene and Hedwig's death but George's "Saint-like" joke was still funny. Kudos to the red headed twins!

The Kiss. Another nice twist, purely unexpected that George would come marching in when Ginny and Harry was kissing. *clears throat* But! Ginny is a little feisty here, don't you think? Having Harry zip her dress? *raises an eyebrow* All right, all right, I just want to be Ginny at that moment, snogging Harry, the man of my dreams!!!

Rufus. I did not particularly liked Rufus Scrimgeour's acting, for me, it's kind of gay. I was expecting something hard like The Fire Lord in The Last Airbender, someone tougher. But i have nothing against the actor. I don't why I saw some gay-ness. Oh well, never mind. I think I'll watch the movie again. harharhar.

Ministry of Magic. One twist I liked was the part where Ron kissed the woman on trial. Hahahaah!

Ron and the Horcrux. I applaud Ron for his performance in this scene. Rupert Grint did a great job! This was what I imagined Ron would be doing. Nice!

The dancing. Most might see this scene unnecessary but I see it important. It keeps in touch with reality. They are after all 17 year olds, and they try to lighten things up. Harry was more of a brother to Hermione and this scene proves how tight their relationship is. It's like adding fuel to Hermione's obliviate scene.

Horcrux. All right. This was epic. I was holding my breath when Ron was battling with the Horcrux. Torrid kissing there!

Wow. That was really jaw dropping. If I was Ron I wouldn't be able to kill the Horcrux. Movie version was great!

Dobby. We all know that Dobby dies.

Two lines that made me bawl...

"Dobby never meant to kill anyone..Dobby only meant to maim or seriously injure"

"Such a beautiful place..to be with friends. Dobby is happy..to be with his friend...Harry Potter."

THAT is just sad! Most of the HP fans I've talked with bawled at that scene, or at least got teary-eyed. If you watched Chamber of Secrets and you've seen Dobby's history, you'll know why we were so touched by this scene.

The fact that Dobby died also made us realize that the Potter Franchise is really at an end. We have to wait for one more movie and then it's goodbye. UNLESS! they make back stories of characters which we would love to watch. :)

My overall rating for this movie is... OUTSTANDINGLY EPIC. More emotional than the Half-blood Prince and more engulfing. Scenes are not to be missed out. It is worth watching the second time, the third and the fourth time. Some may say that it resembles to other movies they have watched, I say, "This is Harry Potter, and that makes it different."

Thank you J.K. Rowling for giving us another world to immerse in.

Somebody loved

2010-10-08T00:49:00.000+08:00

I had to blog this one out.
To tell you the truth, I am having a hard time patching my relationship with mom. One reason is she has this annoying factor that makes you want to walk out on her... I know, i'm cruel by saying that. But let's face it. All of us had rough times with our parents. Everyone of us has those times when you think they don't effin' understand you or your feelings, but the truth is, sometimes they do know, that's why they tell you not to do things. We are proud creatures by nature, we think we are right all the time and most of us are trapped in our own little bubble. Each of us see things differently, we learn things differently and that's what parents need to understand.

Anyway, the main reason I said I have to blog this out is because it seems timely... or i don't know, it just struck me...
I was watching Glee yesterday and the episode's title was "Grilled Cheesus" The episode is about religion and what not.Kurt's dad is in a coma and his friends are trying to convert him or make him believe that there is a God. But he insists on believing what he wants to. The truth of the matter is, people can't live without having someone to look up to. We need something supernatural, something that gives us hope to survive this wild jungle of a life.
That was yesterday... and tonight, I heard Weepies playing on my itunes. I google the lyrics and the video and got this one.

There was a caption together with the lyrics below that video by JudgedJulez that inspired me to write this blog...

My Mommy died of cancer 6 Days before Christmas in 2007.

This is the song I heard about twohundert times since these days.

I love it coz it remembers me of good times.

I wanna make this video really clear thats why I juts added the lyrics to a black background.

UPDATE: I wanna thank everyone for there very lovely comments. It's brighten up my days.

Thank you

Lyrics:

Rain turns the sand into mud

Wind turns the trees into bone

Stars turning high up above

You turn me into somebody loved

Nights when the heat had gone out

We danced together alone

Cold turned our breath into clouds

We never said what we were dreaming of

But you turned me into somebody loved

Someday when we're old and worn

Like two softened shoes

I will wonder on how I was born

The night I first ran away from you

Now my feet turn the corner back home

Sun turns the evening to rose

Stars turning high up above

You turn me into, you turn me into

You turn me into somebody loved

Somebody loved, Ooo, somebody loved

My mom asked me for a date on Sunday and I said yes... With the busy life i'm living I rarely have time for my mom. Sure, i get to see her everyday, before i go to work, when i get home, but we have rare moments where we just talk and sit down without the mention of money... It's kinda sad, i know, but it's the truth.

The number of days i live in this earth is not multiplying by the minute... so i better enjoy and live life to the fullest.
we've got to love to the fullest....

Rant and Random

February 9, 2012; acting with the eyes

Feb 4, 2012

Little Heart

uneasy

January 19, 2012

mercies in disguise

How my 2012 started

I came back

I don't say "I love you" just because...

Have a little faith...

I asked for Strength

Para sa sumulat ng tula

my heart got dumped

deflation of entries

nightmare

Life's Realization

crazy stupid love

Little Hands

him and dream

" goodbye to love" to "you should date"

Emily Bronte's Poems

Speech dedicated to those who failed

It's just a feeling

Another one

bizarre wednesday

Be mine

Childhood Sweetheart

Deathly Hallows 2 review

poems from pablo neruda

Deleted scenes in the Harry Potter Movies

Stoplight

Untitled

Ang pana

9 days till HPDH2

Star

The windowsill

daunted.

chafing

I scald alone

These are a few of my favorite sweets

are you registered in pottermore?

old "small" grand piano

One tree hill revisited Part 2

One tree hill revisited

Penguin

Harry Potter Final Trailer.

wreck

downplay

Mushy.

under construction

I crapped on my thesis

a bad habit of moi

Photo torture

happy new year?

The beginning of an ending.

"Dobby never meant to kill anyone..Dobby only meant to maim or seriously injure""Such a beautiful place..to be with friends. Dobby is happy..to be with his friend...Harry Potter."

"Dobby never meant to kill anyone..Dobby only meant to maim or seriously injure""Such a beautiful place..to be with friends. Dobby is happy..to be with his friend...Harry Potter."

Somebody loved

"Dobby never meant to kill anyone..Dobby only meant to maim or seriously injure"

"Such a beautiful place..to be with friends. Dobby is happy..to be with his friend...Harry Potter."

"Dobby never meant to kill anyone..Dobby only meant to maim or seriously injure"

"Such a beautiful place..to be with friends. Dobby is happy..to be with his friend...Harry Potter."