Friday, September 4, 2015

I write for myself

It’s 12:58am and a couple of minutes ago I was wallowing. But as soon as I’ve posted what I’ve written earlier, I browsed this blog. I read last year’s post about “waiting” and about “letting go” and letting God, and it dawned on me that I am blogging not just for the sake of dumping my excess emotions here but to encourage myself and remind myself of what I’ve learned before.

I have gone through various phases and stages. I have seen myself crumble and grow but mostly, I have seen God’s faithfulness and love.

This is for my future self. Read this and be reminded that you write for yourself. You need not impress anybody. You only think of God, what pleases Him and what He has done for you.

 

It’s 12:18am and I’m feeling blue.

I’m scared of love and heartbreaks. They say that love and pain come hand in hand, just as joy and sadness. Why is it that when you open yourself to someone you make yourself vulnerable?

It’s 12:23am and I’m still feeling blue.

One of the reason is you.

I can’t get you out of my head. I see you in the little things and it scares me. I’m afraid that if you hurt me I’ll close my doors again and I will make myself feel numb. I don’t want that anymore. I’m tired.

I’m tired of building walls. I’m tired of people leaving… my heart is sore from these heartaches and I’m tired of forgetting God’s promises. I’m tired of failing Him. I want the best for Him but this is all I’ve got… a battered and bruised heart.

My fervent prayer is that I see Him every second of the day, that I may not sway from His Word, and that I may enjoy Him daily, so that my heart will have no choice but shine for Him.