Sunday, May 20, 2012

I find it really hard to say…

… I love you.

So if you are one of the people that I have said it to, I mean it. I can’t even say it to my mom. I say it to my close friends but rarely and some try to wheedle it out of me, which is annoying. But take note, I RARELY say it with initiative, most of the “I love you’s” I’ve said were for reciprocating purposes. I’m sorry.

I don’t say “I love you” back simply because I don’t feel it. I try to be honest in saying what I feel, and sometimes I think I should have a filter in my mouth. If you find me confident or easy going, I think I’m the exact opposite because I’m socially awkward. You can see me interacting with a few people who I’m genuinely interested in (most of them are book worms or movie and music geeks), I’m a dork in my own way. I’m weird and it’s hard to fit in with people who are socially applauded and accepted.

I’m always wondering if I would be able to find a lost soul with the same dilemma as I have. What joy it will be to know that you are not alone in this pity fest.

I think I’m still afraid of getting hurt. I am a coward for keeping my bottled feelings. I am afraid of risking my heart when it’s in pieces. I’m afraid of braveness because of its power and greatness.

I am simply scared.